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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have bought DD a Krispy Kreme?

238 replies

IJustNeedaKitkat · 25/11/2017 17:45

I've been really ill the last few weeks; middle ear infections in both ears, and on Thursday and Friday both ear drums perforated thanks to the infection. I've been in absolute agony and have lost the majority of my hearing.

DH could only take a few days off work when I was really suffering because it's the busiest time of year for his company. But DD has been so good; eating all her food without fuss, playing or watching TV quietly while I snoozed on the sofa when I had no energy, helping me feed the cat by putting the bowl of food that I've filled on the floor as at one point bending down like that made me lightheaded, she's put her toys away without having to be asked repeatedly etc you get the picture.

She's only 2 and a half, and has really really impressed me with her behaviour. I've still got only about a quarter on my hearing (50% in right in, 5% in my left - just a rough guess), but we went shopping today to finish the rest of the Christmas shopping - she has a few extra needs, but didn't play up once; when walking she stayed nearby holding my hand or the pushchair where it was really busy and got into her pushchair without a fuss when I asked her too.

We passed a Krispy Kreme stall on our way in and DD was happy just to look and say "wow". So I bought her one as an extra special treat and told her why - because she's been so well behaved over the last few weeks when mummys been ill and she was well behaved that day. I took a photo to put on Facebook. She chose it herself - a ring donut with milk chocolate glaze and white chocolate sprinkles. It was quite expensive for a donut at £2 something but she deserved it, she even managed until we got home and had had her tea before asking for it.

A friend said it was an awful thing to give a 2 year old they contain a lot of sugar and it'll rot her teeth. She said I'd have been better getting her some normal sweets or a small chocolate bar. I'm usually pretty strict on sugar, she's only allowed water or milk to drink unless we're at my mums or PILs where she's allowed squash. She's allowed sweets and chocolate but I try and limit it to a few times a week and even then it's only something small like a fudge bar or half a kinder egg. I make sure she brushes her teeth in the morning when she gets up and also before she goes to bed at night (apart from the odd time she's fallen asleep in the car and been carried in asleep) and the dentist never has a problem with her teeth when we go. The friend knows this.

But I'm doubting myself, possibly because I'm still taking painkillers every 4 hours and still on quite strong antibiotics to clear the infection which is still lingering. I just wanted DD to know that her good behaviour had been noticed.

So WIBU to buy the donut for a 2 year old?

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 25/11/2017 18:38

It does make me laugh when you see these Anti sugar parents giving their dc "healthy" snacks though.

I give you;
Bear pure fruit Yo Yos - 5g sugar
Fruit Bowl Strawberry flakes 20g bag - 12 g sugar
Small 25g bag of yoghurt coated raisins - 15g sugar
Glazed krispy creme 10g sugar

Cheeseandcucumber · 25/11/2017 18:39

Good lord the only unreasonable thing is you feeling the need to double check.

Tell the friend DD's teeth will fall out so you're not concerned re sugar - that will probably send her over the edge.

Bin the friend. Get yourself a donut. Tell DD she's wonderful. Feel better soon.

Ttbb · 25/11/2017 18:40

Next to
R just don't post to fb. A single donut isn't going to kill her (or rot her teeth) and it's not going psychologically scar her either. I am a bit strict about foods but even I can respect your right to do it your way so long as you aren't hurting her which you are not.

ladymariner · 25/11/2017 18:41

tell your friend to fuck off and mind her own business

^ this!

Best wishes to you all Smile

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 25/11/2017 18:44

Not at all.

YABU for only getting one!

Wtfdoicare · 25/11/2017 18:44

Nothing wrong with a doughnut now and then, even if it is a vile Krispy Kreme (sorry, not a fan)!

I totally agree with a previous post though I just don’t like food being used as ‘treats’ as to me that starts putting symbols on food. This can lead to association which I don’t believe is a good state for brain and food

custarddinosaur · 25/11/2017 18:53

It was an extra-special present to say thank you to your dd for being such a good girl while you've been ill.

Only a miserable kill-joy would think that was inappropriate.

prettypaws · 25/11/2017 18:55

Ear infections like that are awful, hope you feel better soon.

I wouldn't reward with food or use conditional language to judge a toddler (e.g. "playing up" is unmet needs etc), but I would never post on fb to fly off the handle and insult a friend, especially if they weren't asking for advice and were unwell! I wonder if your friend meant perceiving junk food as a reward is worse for her rather than sugar being part of a balanced diet? Emotional relationships with food type of thing.

Likewise i didn't give large amounts of unprocessed food or sugar at that age but wouldn't expect slated for that either, it was in my child's best interests and now as a healthier old child, enjoys a donut! I had friends who did no sugar and those who gave their toddlers sweets and it was never an issue. If it bothers you then say something to her, it'll be more productive.

IJustNeedaKitkat · 25/11/2017 18:56

Honestly the friend is a nice person but overkill with the whole no sugar thing. She'll check a granola bar for the amount of sugar before giving it to her DSs and if it has too much in they're not allowed it.

OP posts:
jarhead123 · 25/11/2017 18:57

YANBU! She sounds like a star. Get well soon x

Charolais · 25/11/2017 18:58

What a lovely little girl. I hope she enjoyed her treat.

When my son was about 3 and > I would reward him with a small present of his choice if he was good while we were shopping for the day, or I kept some small boy's party favour for him in my pocket for when we were done.

It paid off. He was a very well behaved child and now, at age 29, still likes shopping, only now he rewards himself.

GrandDesespoir · 25/11/2017 18:59

YANU to buy your daughter a KK doughnut as a treat.

YABU to refer to yourself in the third person on a thread intended to be read by adults.

IJustNeedaKitkat · 25/11/2017 19:00

pretty Of course "playing up" is unmet needs, she's usually tired, bored or hungry, I know that and do my best usually to judge when they happen to stop them, but I was just pointing out how good she was.

I don't usually use food as a treat as said up thread but I do think things like donuts and cakes are treats (ice cream isn't a treat either, it's a way too cool down in summer). I was brought up similarly and am not overweight and don't binge on cake when i get the chance either.

OP posts:
Tipsytopsyturvy · 25/11/2017 19:01

Your friend was very rude to comment. Your daughter sounds like a lovely little girl I hope she enjoyed her donut.
It is up to you to monitor her diet, a rare Krispy Kreme donut won’t cause her any harm. What so ever. In fact I really think (only from children I know, my opinion not proven) that children who are never allowed cakes/sweets/ chocolate tend to overcompensate when they are older and be greedy with sweet foods. Where as if it has not been forbidden they aren’t as possessive about it and don’t tend to overindulge. Just my opinion before I’m flamed.
Also, in my house, foods amongs other things (outings, stickers etc) is a treat as it’s something you don’t have all of the time, and I would withhold it if ds gab been behaving badly, so therefore it is a treat. I don’t see any problem at all with using food as a treat and we are all a very healthy weight. For example small chocolate bar would be allowed 2 to 3 times weekly, he also loves sticker books at the moment. However had ds age 2 been misbehaving I wouldn’t then give him chocolate or buy him stickers after as I wouldn’t want to re enforce bad behaviour by giving him something he finds pleasurable.

Billben · 25/11/2017 19:01

Your friend must be an absolute joy to live with.

ohtheholidays · 25/11/2017 19:03

No it was very well deserved your little girl is an Angel bless her Smile

Only 2 and she's been helping you out and with having extra needs as well,she's been lovely and a nice doughnut as a treat is fine.

I had one of my ear drums perforate(when I was 18)and honestly I'd rather be in labour(and I've had 5DC)than ever go through that again,I don't know how you've coped with it in both ears,I hope you feel alot better soon Flowers

WorraLiberty · 25/11/2017 19:04

It's just a kid eating a doughnut.

If you're going to post on Facebook about it and post a rather long OP on here about it, you really need to toughen up to any silly criticism you might get.

Genuinely I'm having trouble listing things I would care less about if I were in your shoes.

listsandbudgets · 25/11/2017 19:05

YANBU.

If you were buyng your DD a couple of krispy kremes a day that would be unreasonable but one every now and then as a treat especially after she's been so good for so long is fine.

As for putting it on facebook -its your decision what you post and there are far more stupid things on it than little girls eating doughnuts.

I hope she enjoyed her treat and brushed her teeth afterwards :)

CallMeOnMyCell · 25/11/2017 19:07

She sounds like wonderful little girl Smile YWNBU, an occasional treat is fine.

IJustNeedaKitkat · 25/11/2017 19:08

She's not in bed yet lists but will be brushing her teeth before she goes. Teeth brushing is one thing I insist on as my parents never made me if I didn't want to so when it came to sorting my own routine as a teenager and beyond I found it really hard to get into the habit of doing it.

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 25/11/2017 19:12

I think you and "friend" deserve each other. Who gives a fuck about one donut? You're coming over as VERY sanctimonious and PFB. Wait till you have a few teenagers you won't care if they eat a dozen each.

paxillin · 25/11/2017 19:12

YABU to seek FB likes and MN approval for your kid's food.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 25/11/2017 19:12

YANBU both for the KK and for posting it on Facebook.

One of my mothers friends was just like yours. Obsessed over sugar and diet etc. Her kids are the same age as me and my sister and they’re both very overweight. Once mum wasn’t there to control them they really let loose and never reined it in again.

As for FB I know I’d much rather see a nice picture of a little girl enjoying a treat than most of the shite that appears on mine.

Hope your DD enjoyed her treat and that you’re feeling better soon Smile.

CoolCarrie · 25/11/2017 19:14

Your friend is an idiot. Your wee girl enjoyed it and it's not as if you are buying her one every week. Don't let the friend spoil the treat.

caroline161 · 25/11/2017 19:19

YABU if you don't tell your friend to buggar off.