When to take away "special" toy?

[cookingongas]

My dd (7) has a special bear which she loves. Has had since birth and has been her special comfort toy. She is very very attached to it.

My dm constantly expresses distaste at the toy. She feels I should take it off dd - she'll cry for a bit but just get used to it as it will break/get lost eventually. She's too old for this. It's embarrassing etc etc.

She's growing up in so many ways- she reads and writes and does her own hair etc and I feel that this is just one thing she's kept that is still "babyish".

When, if ever, do you start to take special toys away? When is it "weird " to still love a toy as much as this? Aibu to ignore dm and let dd enjoy the toy?

7 now there's a grown up age

I wouldn't let my DD go to sleepovers with nanny if the special toy was in danger so she couldn't have it.

I can't remember the links but I'm sure I read somewhere that taking a comfort toy from a child (especially if, like a PP describes, you destroy it in front of the child) is damaging. And quite often part of a pattern of abusive parenting.

Never. My 18 y/o DD still sleeps with her beloved pooh bear. He's very old and ragged, but he's still precious.

DD NOT dad!

Oh and my 21 year old, 6ft 7” rugby playing nephew still has his ratty old bear, on a shelf in his bedroom 😊

Actually, if your mother is remotely reasonable, sit her down and say, look, STFU about DD's toy. You are making her afraid of you because you keep on about it; you will make her hate you.

Because it's true. If DD is starting to feel that her grandma means to 'harm' her special toy she will be scared of grandma, and angry with her - and if grandma is enough of a cunt to follow through, DD may never forgive her. The fact that your DM is persistent about it suggests that DM is actually a bully who enjoys causing distress.

My mum has what was not only her bear, but her grandmothers before that. I promise you your DDs cannot be in a worse state than that!

My DSis has an unusual animal cuddly toy from childhood. Her DH had the same animal from his childhood, and they now both "live together"

I still have my special toy and I'm nearly 50.
In fact, my DDad still has his special teddy and he is nearly 80. The bear's body got a bit holey, so he now wears a rather natty baby sleepsuit so he doesn't leak.

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
― Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit

DM is absolutely right to rip that beloved bear out of her GD's little hands...said no one. Ever. Has she always been so vile?

I have 3 children and the eldest is 23. I have never taken them away. My two eldest still have theirs on their bed during the day (and don't think they make it into the bed at night!) and my youngest (7) has a blanket that he now pretty much ignores.They just outgrow them at some stage.

Beyond My DSis has an unusual animal cuddly toy from childhood. Her DH had the same animal from his childhood, and they now both "live together"

Wouldn't it be amazing if we found our partners by searching for the person with the matching cuddly toy?

I think I remember reading somewhere that childhood attachment to a comfort object (toy, blanket etc.) only happens in cultures where people don't sleep communally.

With that in mind, you could explain this to you mum, thank her for alerting you to some interesting reading about the "natural" way to bring up children, you'll of course be attending the "Barefoot Children of the Woods" annual gathering for ritual light-gathering and to learn more about meeting childrens' deep needs, and of course your next baby won't need a comfort toy as you plan to breastfeed until they are 10...

Quick answer - never.

My step dad was exactly the same about DS's cuddler. Piece of nonsense! DS knows fine well when it's appropriate to take George (for that is cuddlie's name) out of the house, when it's ok to play with him and when it's ok to ignore him (99% of the time now he's 12).

Ignore your mum she's being spiteful.

never take it away. I still have 3 stuffed toys from birth. Then there is the clown that has passed down 4/5 generations.

My
13 year old has his kitten toy from babyhood in his bedside drawer. He doesn't take it anywhere, and can quite happily cope without it, but I still wouldn't take it off him, why would I?

DS (6.5) has a teddy like this, he's had it since he was 3 days old and still absolutely loved him, it wouldn't even cross my mind to take him away.

Don't take it off her! She'll eventually become less attached. I'm twenty three and my two treasured cuddly cats from childhood still sit on my bed in my uni halls of residence

Er, I think never would be good!? Ignore her. WTF is her problem - perhaps she is emotionally stunted due to having things she loved taken away from her as a child!? Is she cold and unempathetic in other ways?

I am 45, my teddy is somewhere in the attic, both my kids had/have special toys which I would never take away. She is only 7 and perfectly entitled to have it with her with no shame or judgement, you should ask your 'D'M to not express her unwelcome opinions about it in front of her thanks.

Oh god. Don't take it away. I still have my teddy and when life us a bit shit, he still gets cuddles. Don't underestimate the psychological impact of special friends ...

Dd 8 has had a teddy since she was born. She doesn't take it everywhere on a daily basis, but she does sleep with it and it comes on holidays with us etc.

He is part of the family is Ted, and there is no way on earth o would take him off her. It would be totally unnecessary and cruel.

I’m 45 and still have my special teddy on my bed!

Tell your MIL to fuck off and butt out!

I’m 45 and still have my special teddy on my bed!

Tell your MIL to fuck off and butt out!

I read your title and thought NEVER.
Then I read your OP and thought even more NEVER EVER just because youur dm finds it disgusting.

Fwiw, I have two teens. They both still sleep with their fav soft touts they got they were babies. These toys will go into the cupboard or whatever when they will decide to do it.

In the mean time, wash it gently. Teach your dd not to put it in her mouth, eat with it etc and it will keep relatively clean.

Dd2 took her to university. I thought she may be the only one, but most of her friends' had them too!

She's also travelled the world and her special toy went with her!

I still have my 'special' toy...it was a pink rabbit when I was a baby, but now, 28 years later, it's a grey rabbit, very threadbare and liable to lose stuffing. But it sits on the shelves in our bedroom. My DP doesn't have a special toy though. He had some sort of ken doll type of thing which he called 'horrible man' but he doesn't have him anymore!

My mum was laid out with her bear in her arms by the nursing staff and was a great comfort for me to see. They were cremated together.