When to take away "special" toy?

[cookingongas]

My dd (7) has a special bear which she loves. Has had since birth and has been her special comfort toy. She is very very attached to it.

My dm constantly expresses distaste at the toy. She feels I should take it off dd - she'll cry for a bit but just get used to it as it will break/get lost eventually. She's too old for this. It's embarrassing etc etc.

She's growing up in so many ways- she reads and writes and does her own hair etc and I feel that this is just one thing she's kept that is still "babyish".

When, if ever, do you start to take special toys away? When is it "weird " to still love a toy as much as this? Aibu to ignore dm and let dd enjoy the toy?

Fekko - Are there still doll hospitals where they patch up over loved toys?
There is a lovely doll & teddy hospital in Lyme Regis that replaced my teddy's stuffing & got him safely back to me in the post. Mind you, I wouldn't have wanted his missing eye replaced; he wouldn't look like Little Ted anymore! I've just had my 52nd birthday.

My daughter inherited my 40yo bear which although ratty, is her favourite thing in the world and a source of comfort. She even brings it to my bed and tucks him in with me whenever I'm ill so that 'I feel better'.

It just makes me sad for you OP - I suspect there were prised possession in your childhood that mysteriously disappeared while you 'cried for a few days'.

The toy belongs to your daughter, I imagine a present given, so you cannot take it away. When my children were getting older I did suggest that they leave it at home where it would be safe. When my youngest had a particularly bad day at school the toy would be cuddled and spoken to in the quietness of her room until she fell asleep. Over the years the toy moved from bed to shelf to cupboard but they still have their special toy and it is not for me or anyone else to give something that does not belong to me away.
(one loss at Calais during a storm waiting to board the train when my daughter opened the car door, shouts occurred , her toy fell out, we were not told till bedtime and she has never forgot)

My teddy's 59 this year. I still have a picture of him a little bigger than I was on the day I was born. It's in my top drawer and I got him out last when my Mum passed away.

I wouldn't take your daughter's toy away. I'd encourage it to be a bed time toy to avoid over-dependence but other than that, it's fine.

I still have my childhood teddy!

What nonsense. I wouldn't dream of parting my children from their teddys.

DD1's was DHL'd to us when we forgot to bring her to my parents once. We do have a 'no leaving the house' rule as he got left behind fell out of the buggy a few times when dd was small. This led to very heightened emotions on all sides till he was found.

DD2 brings her teddy in the car every morning and straps him in and has a little chat with him and tells him and me to have a lovely day before she hops out and heads into school.

My childhood teddy who is 37 recently came in from my mothers and is now dd2s teddys mother.

They are only young once. Why would you take a toy that brings so much comfort and joy.

Your mother sounds like a bit of a dragon.

not a toy but a blanket or 3 granddaughter has she takes every where not outside she's 9 today she only sucks her thum when she has them she hates them being washed likes them smelly we would never take them away from her, although daughters dp has told her to keep them in her room

I remember losing a special toy that Mum saved up for. It fell out of my push chair somewhere between shop A and shop B. Santa brought me a cheaper replacement which I treasured.
I am a tough cookie and in my fifties. I have had had my share of ups and downs.
It still breaks my heart to think about that lost toy.

My children (20, 19 & 18 yrs old) still have theirs. They learned to leave them at home, in their rooms etc as they got older.
They put them away safely as they got older still, but they occasionally get them out (eg DS showed his to his gf and she confessed to having a special bear hidden at her home!). DD got hers out recently when she was poorly in bed for a few days.....
I don't see a problem. They all say that they will keep them forever.
We have my DH's favourite bear from his childhood - the thing is ancient and tatty (bear not DH) - he sits in our wardrobe, our children have played carefully with it and always put it back.

Good gracious - my daughter's special bear will go to uni with her next year. The bear just sits in her room now but it was a real comfort to her for years - long after the age of 7. Why shouldn't children have favourites, although it is a nighmare when they're younger and the risk of it getting lost.

I remember dd agonising at aged 8 going to a PGL week,if she was to old to take her teddy.I persuaded her to and on the bus a whole iPad of teddies waved us off.Only on girl didn't take her special toy an was upset every night each night.
At 14 she has it in a box but would no way let me take him away.

That's awful. Please don't take the toy away. My BF has his bear and he's 50. It's not a toy, it's a memory bank!

Please don't take it away.

Both my daughter's still have their blankies. One of which is actually an old hand towel from Asda which we used as an alternative when she was really really poorly as a baby. She's eight now.

My husband at 33 still has his "Ben" mouse (I think, it's so raggedy I'm not sure)

And I hate the fact that when I'm upset....I don't have anything. I've nothing to "ground" myself with.

The closest I have is the night dress I wore when I had my eldest, obviously boil washed. That is quite soothing. But I wish I still had something from my childhood. It feels like it's loss is symbolic of what I describe as a childhood with no attachments.

My dd is 10 and obviously too cool. Except when her beloved bear comes along for the ride. And gets to cuddle up with her usually at night but sometimes just because. Wouldn't change that for the world.

No don't take it away I still have my cuddly toy from when I was born and I'm nearly 28.

No no no no & no.
I have my teddy (bought by dad whilst waiting for me to show up).
Several of my friends in their 30's still have teddy/cloth/comfort item.

Several friends with small children/child minders have experience the wrath of the loss of "special teddy" & good lord there is nothing on this earth quite so bad!

Your DM needs to button it pronto.

I will also add, my teddy came to America with me aged 23. I flew with Delta & teddy sat on my lap the entire way because I am not keen on flying. Air hostess remarked they see a lot of grown adults with some form of comfort item & if it makes you feel a bit better at 32000 ft then they do not judge a bit!

We had to take away our child's special toy as she was ducking on it and she was getting rashes. It doesn't sound like you have any reason to though, so leave it.

Tell her to butt out - I'm almost 40 and still have my panda I've had since birth, I don't sleep with it, but it still has a special place in my house, the kids now occasionally play with him and will ask for him if they're ill.

In a stressful world where mental health issues of the young are rocketing and they are faced with increasing pressures of school, exams, friendships etc, that familiar cuddly serves as a constant comfort over the years.
DS1 15 next week has only recently put his up on a shelf, and DS2 almost 13 has a bed full. Leave her be.

When she’s 80 give or take a year

My knitted piglet has been with me for nearly 50 years. I've had a tough year this year and he's been brought out from under the bed, dusted off and cuddled A LOT. I would hate to lose him.

My son had a very loved and special soft toy, #hedgehog. Then one day we forgot to check under the covers after a hotel-night, and #hedgehog was left behind. Yes we called and e-mailed, without result. A dear friend got him a replica, #hedgehog2. That was when DS started to detach himself from his cuddly toys, but still, he gave #hedgehog2 to his baby-son last week 😊

Its her toy do not take it away, that would be so cruel, my DD2 still has her bear and shes 32! she comes home just for a cuddle with it now, but its comforted her a lot during hard times.

Please do NOT take it away! Your DM is being unreasonable! I am 47 and still have 2 teddies that I have had since childhood, and would be furious if my DM suggested taking one of kids' special toys away. (Don't get me wrong, I am happy to get rid of many of their toys, just not their special ones, three in total I can think of.)