When to take away "special" toy?

[cookingongas]

My dd (7) has a special bear which she loves. Has had since birth and has been her special comfort toy. She is very very attached to it.

My dm constantly expresses distaste at the toy. She feels I should take it off dd - she'll cry for a bit but just get used to it as it will break/get lost eventually. She's too old for this. It's embarrassing etc etc.

She's growing up in so many ways- she reads and writes and does her own hair etc and I feel that this is just one thing she's kept that is still "babyish".

When, if ever, do you start to take special toys away? When is it "weird " to still love a toy as much as this? Aibu to ignore dm and let dd enjoy the toy?

Noooo you never take them away. I still have mine and I’m 42. Those sorts of things aren’t like dummy’s. They’re old friends that see you grow up. You do grow out of them but they do no harm just sitting there.

Tell your mother to shut her hole and if it ever goes missing via her there will be consequences.

Everyone in my family still has their childhood bear, the best being my 80+ year old nan who's old furless jointed teddy sits on a special stool next to her bed and has his own homemade crocheted blanket.
Your mom sounds mean, I'd be inclined to show her this thread and tell her to butt out.

I'm 57 nearly and I still have my teddy I bought in Woolworths when it was my 6th birthday. Even now I can remember buying her. There were 2 pink ones and one yellow one and I bought the yellow one as I thought she might be lonely being the only yellow one! Her eyes are falling out, one was replaced by a blue one, the material is so thin in places it's in danger of disintegrating. I've had to put an old baby gro and jumper on her to stop her innards falling out. She's a right scraggy old thing but she's mine and she sits on the bed in the grandchildrens room. My grandson knows she's old and delicate and gently strokes her face when he sees her.
Your mother is mad.

Someones posted this already, but I thought I'd repost it, as it is the best ever description of a loved toy and it makes me cry every time

From The Velveteen Rabbit....

Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.

I had a blankie. Crochet granny squares in blue (I was a girl) before I was born. I loved it so much. Aged 7 or 8 I was told that blankie had to go. This prompted such a real panic that I was "allowed" to keep four squares. It was crocheted a new border ( not the same), and it had to be kept hidden. I still have it (in the loft). My parents are amazing, so loving, and I had a brilliant childhood. We're still very close. But I'll never forget it.

I still panic over lost things, gone forever things, and the thought of losing special things. I'm a hoarder

Never, ever part your child from this bear. Please.

My DD had one that went everywhere and caused us so much stress when it invariably got dropped somewhere!!! She gradually stopped taking it everywhere and now she just has it at bedtime. No need to take it off your child - how mean of your mum.

This thread has really got to me for some reason...

We had to leave our old house in a bit of a rush (long story) recently, and one of the first things I made sure I took for DS was his little collection of much loved animals that he sleeps with every night....

The thought of his little face if I hadn't got them is actually making me sob right now.

I can't wrap my head around doing it on purpose to a young child.

Your DM is a hard woman.
Let your daughter be a little girl, never take her bear away, you'd break her heart.
Tell your Mother to butt right out !

DP and I are in our twenties and still have our favourite soft toys in our room! I don't think there is any need to take a special toy away from a child, they will get to an age where they just want to keep it at home anyway. Definitely ignore your mother and let your daughter enjoy her toy for as long as she wants to. She isn't going to carry it around forever, and it isn't going to stunt her emotional development or anything else.

I would have left all my clothes/furniture/everything I owned just to get DS's cherished toys from that house if it had come down to it.

Lonely that just made me cry a little bit way over invested

Eventually your DD will be ready to have her special toy on a shelf in her bedroom, at some point she will probably relegate it to the top of the wardrobe, from there possibly to her memory box. It will probably make you cry much more than her when the special toy is put away in a box, as it probably means she is readying herself for a signifint transition, maybe to 6th form college, maybe to university. It will happen when she is ready. There is no rush. The time will pass more quickly than you can imagine.

I have what was my grandmothers bear. She had it in the 20s and passed it to my mum and now I've got it. Its a treasured friend that I will pass on to my DD when I'm dead when I think its time for him to move on.

I used to make up loads of adventures he had been on through the 20s all the way up to modern day. And we used him to discuss what he must have seen and experienced through the war and how the world has changed etc. Its not just a toy to us and your dd will probably still have her toy sitting on her bed when shes your age. It will give her thousands of memories to talk about. Do not take it away.

Ignore DM, everybody should have a special toy I've still got mine

I have many toys that are treasured to me. Some from young childhood. Some from older childhood or given when i was going to uni. They still mean alot to me.

Some i left at home at mums and she left my nephews play with them take them out and lose them outside. It still pisses me off now and they dont get it.

Never ever op My lb has a momo its the jellybean monkey which is very very worn and very much loved. My mum bought it when i was pregnant as i have a monkey since childhood i still have him and took him with me to hold when i had to get teeth taken out and was put to sleep i think i was 13 then. A museum near me that has 2 teddies over 100 years old from 2 sisters they donated them near the end of their lives so they would have a permanent home together the story made me cry.

Let your little girl keep her teddy.
I have no time for this business that children "should" grow out of loving their toys. Some will, some won't, but I'm not going to force it!

My mother's mother, an otherwise lovely woman so I don't rightly know why she did this, gave away nearly all my mum's toys when she was 7. This had a profound effect on my mum, who had only 3 teddies left, which she treasured and wouldn't allow us to play with as children.

My DSs don't have one special toy - and neither did I, really - but a series of toys that they like to carry around with them. DS2 is now 5 and has a large dinosaur who is his current best friend. DS1 is 10 and still has a sleep toy that he likes to have in bed with him, and takes on camp with him. He's not the only one to do so!

They'll let go when they're ready, but no one else should force them to do so. Tell your mum to keep her opinions to herself.

My old toy bunny was tragically ripped from my arms by my callous 4 year old DD who informed me that it was hers now. I thought about putting up a fight but it didn't feel like the kind thing to do. So now she 'looks after it for me'.

Under no other circumstances is it OK to take away a much loved toy. Tell your Mum to back off.

I pretty unanimous AIBU

Agree with everyone else, my DDs are 23, 19 and 16, they all still have their special toys. DD23 and DD19 now live away from home and took their's with them.
Don't even think of taking it away.

I never had a special toy, but my sister did. My mum is the most ruthless anti-clutter person and happily throws stuff out, but I remember one night when my sisters beloved toy was literally falling apart, she sat a sewed him a "coat"that literally held him together.
My Dsis is now 45, and he sits on her desk at home (he's not up to a lot of cuddling anymore!)

Eh?? Why on earth would you take it away?? Nonsense

Both my DS still have their favourite toy and take them to bed with them.They are 18 and 16!

Sorry- too many literallys there

Take absolutely no notice of your mother, and please support your child so they don't feel they have to leave it at home when they go to her house :-(

It's a transitional object: an actual recognised, healthy developmental thing: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_object

It's really, really significant that your mother finds it so disgusting - like she can't bear the feeling of dependence in the child that it evokes. I'd be very interested indeed to know what she was like as a mother more generally!

I'd get a GPS tracer or a microchip in special toy pretty sharpish!
DD is a too cool for school 16 yr old, and possibly the only teenager in the entire whole world who really does know it all 🙄 But there's Molly, carefully tucked away on a shelf in the wardrobe, after all these years. I know Molly comes out sometimes, perhaps when a friend has upset DD, or the boy she fancies gets off with someone else, or perhaps just to have her woolly hair stroked back into style.
I would never allow harm to come to Molly. Tell Grandma to keep her mitts off and her opinions to herself.

My 21 year old daughter still has her snuggly blanket on her bed.

I don't think her boyfriend knows it's her blankie though.

You never take away special toys. Almost everyone gives them up in their own good time.
First, they keep them hidden at sleepovers.
Then they don't come to sleepovers at all.
Then they are only in the bed when remembered.

Eventually the day will come when you are cleaning under the bed and you find the toy that was once so precious covered in dust. Then you wash it and put it away. You'll be sad but your DD won't care as long as its out of sight.

I think DS2 reached that final stage when he was about 10. Even at 9, the toy still meant something to him.