When to take away "special" toy?

[cookingongas]

My dd (7) has a special bear which she loves. Has had since birth and has been her special comfort toy. She is very very attached to it.

My dm constantly expresses distaste at the toy. She feels I should take it off dd - she'll cry for a bit but just get used to it as it will break/get lost eventually. She's too old for this. It's embarrassing etc etc.

She's growing up in so many ways- she reads and writes and does her own hair etc and I feel that this is just one thing she's kept that is still "babyish".

When, if ever, do you start to take special toys away? When is it "weird " to still love a toy as much as this? Aibu to ignore dm and let dd enjoy the toy?

I lost my special toy when I was four - total accident, nobody's fault. I still sometimes cry a little thinking about it. I am 49. Knowing someone had chosen to take him away would be indescribably hurtful and damaging. Please let your little girl have her toy for as long as she needs it.

My dd is 15 and still has a special teddy that sits on her bed. She rubs his ears when she can't sleep.

It's lovely.

Agree with @lostincumbria

Don't take it away let her keep it for as long as she wants!

I'm in my 40's & still see my Pooh Bear as a pillow. My Dad's in his 70's & his bear has its own chair in my parents bedroom. Why would you need to be separated from a harmless & comforting toy?
We do encourage our kids (7&11) to leave their's in their bedrooms & they few Mr phone number written in their labels. I also have spares thanks to Ebay in case of loss - one was deployed temporarily during a house move (when the original was packed by enthusiastic removal men).
Sudden toy carrying when they get older is also a useful indicator of underlying worries / stress I find.

My special toy is Mr Woofison who is a little dog - the story is that when I was 2, we were in John Menzies and I grabbed the toy off the shelf & refused to let go so DM bought him to keep me quiet. I'm now 35 & Mr Woofison lives in a box under my bed - I have never moved house without him.

I also won a teddy called Mervin in a school fete when I was 10 (choose a name competition - there were only 2 names left & my father had a workmate called Mervin who was nice). I never used to win competitions so he was special to me due to that. I slept with Mervin every night until I moved out from DM's. Mervin was reunited with me after DD was born, but I wouldn't let her near him when she was very small. A couple of weeks ago, fed up of DD (now a wriggly 5) getting up in the early hours & crawling into DH & my bed, I asked why she kept coming in and she said she kept losing her toys in bed. I suggested she try cwtching Mervin because he's a bigger teddy & used to keep me safe at night. DD proceeded to have the longest string of nights where she has stayed in her own bed ever. She even went back to her own bed without being accompanied after going to the loo & finding me having a very early morning bath last week!

Special toys are special for a reason - tell your DM to leave your DD alone.

Also, DH's teddy also lives with us - Teds (as he has been named by DD) is over 55 years old & been passed down from DH to DSS1, DSS2 and now DD. I've had to give Teds a few little repairs (think he needs some more) & unfortunately one eye has been damaged by some enthusiastic playing, but he is currently resting where he was placed in the drawer under DD's bed.

Ds is 7 and still has two (of his 5!) special teddies and he still sucks their labels when he's tired or upset. They're gross. But they're his. When their labels drop off he'll no doubt put them to one side, like he did with the other three, but for now what harm is it doing? Our rules now he's older are that they're for bedtime (or if he's completely shattered and watching tv quietly) and they're not to leave the house (unless he's sleeping somewhere else). My comfort toy got chewed up by our dog when I was 5. I was devastated!

My cuddly was 'accidentally' destroyed in a wash by my DM when I was around 8 or 9. My memories of that time are a bit hazy (30 years ago) but in adulthood I have had attachment issues (despite parents staying together, stable family life) and am always the one threatening to leave or abandon people (my children, husband, etc) when I get into one of my dark moods. DH claims losing my cuddly when I was little was traumatic for me. I'm waiting for a counselling spot to come up, we'll see!

It's totally normal and healthy for children to have a transitional object, and I would be concerned about the psychological impact of forcibly removing it from her.

Your mother is being unreasonable and I wonder how she would feel if someone took a harmless beloved object from her due to their own preferences.

My husband gave his transitional object to his daughter, his grandpa still has his bunny toy (and he's in his 80's and has been a productive member of society with no major issues)

My son has a teddy which he loves. Banner (the teddy) used to go everywhere with him, but now he is 4 so he only really needs him at night (although Banner makes frequent trips to the living room to join us when we snuggle on the sofa and watch a film). What my son doesn't know is that there are three Banners which get switched out every couple of weeks for washing/repairing/restuffing as needed. When a Banner gets beyond repair we buy a replacement and wash it so that it looks like the others (not too fluffy).

i love this thread!

obviously your DM is wrong.

i cuddle my bear every night when i am on my own and he is always in my bed. he came to college with me and has seen me through a marriage, a divorce and being a single mum. no way on earth would he ever be put away.

oh, i'm 33

My DD is 17 and still has her bear and what's left of her baby blanket in her bed and she took it on her A level art trip to Berlin!!

I still have mine from birth and I'm 24 with my own DD now. Don't take it away!

DH is 53 and still has his teddy sitting on the dressing table. Don't take it away, but perhaps encourage her to leave the bear to protect her room while she is up and out for the day.

I have a special toy. A teddy bear. From about 18 months to about 18 years old I slept with him every night. My 3 year old has him in her bed now, but he's not her special teddy.

I can't tell you how much comfort it can give an angsty, stressed teenager, to come home and climb into bed and hold your toy that still smells like when you were small and makes everything feel ok again.

Tell you're DM she is embarrassing herself for making it something weird.

She will grow out of it herself. My kids have special teddies my oldest is 11 she keeps her special dolly (material dolly not a plastic toy one) on her bed gives me the creeps (the doll, not her keeping it on bed 😂) but her great gran have her it and she's sadly no longer with us.She also has a "skanky" pillow, am not allowed to wash it, its horrid! I spray it every so often n of course change the cover (she checks pillow if cover is different) my 8 year old changes what her special teddy is all the Tim 😂

Let them keep it!! I still have mine and my DS who is 18 still has his birth bunny on his bed!

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/both-sides-the-couch/201310/we-are-never-too-old-hold-our-teddy-bears%3famp

When I was little my mum's mum pressured her into throwing away my beloved toy. My mum says its one of her biggest regrets.

My (almost 15 year old) DD still has part of her beloved baby blanket that she sleeps with and takes with her on holidays and sleepovers, it’s putrid and she still gets the hump if I wash it too! But she loves it and other than that she’s a typical teen, intelligent, independent and confident. Her stepmother threw her original baby blanket away one weekend when she was 4 because she was ‘too old’ and she was absolutely devastated (I replaced it immediately). There’s nothing wrong with having a comforter, your MIL is being mean!!!