When to take away "special" toy?

[cookingongas]

My dd (7) has a special bear which she loves. Has had since birth and has been her special comfort toy. She is very very attached to it.

My dm constantly expresses distaste at the toy. She feels I should take it off dd - she'll cry for a bit but just get used to it as it will break/get lost eventually. She's too old for this. It's embarrassing etc etc.

She's growing up in so many ways- she reads and writes and does her own hair etc and I feel that this is just one thing she's kept that is still "babyish".

When, if ever, do you start to take special toys away? When is it "weird " to still love a toy as much as this? Aibu to ignore dm and let dd enjoy the toy?

Well my DS had a much loved toy that was accidentally left behind in a hotel - we never got it back. It is no exaggeration to say it was like a bereavement for him. He cried himself to sleep for at least a week and he was 8 at the time. That was 3 years ago and even now he gets upset if he sees an old picture with him holding it (which is at least half the pictures we have of him). I have spent hours and hours looking for replacements on eBay. He didn’t want a replica though so we went to build a bear and wished for all the cuddles and love to magic into the toy he made. So like hell would I take a special comfort toy from any child. You can start to introduce parameters as they get older which is what I’ve done with younger dd eg/he stays at home, he stays upstairs but ultimately it’s her decision. Children give up their comfort objects when they’re ready - you don’t see many adults walking around trailing a blanket or clutching their teddy

Why would you even think about taking it away?! Seven is so young and if she finds comfort in it, what’s the harm? My 9 year old has a death grip on her scraggy tabby cat at night and she loves him. He doesn’t leave the house any more, not even to go on holiday, but I fully expect him to live in her own house one day. Life changes fast for children, and the toy might be one of her constants. Ignore your DM. It’s not her decision.

Your daughter should be free to hang on to her favourite toy, or not, as she pleases - I'd tell your mum to butt out and concentrate on being a good grandparent rather than interfering or trying to upset a 7year-old. You are the parent and if your daughter is happy and you are happy with that, then that's all that really matters. I vote for the special bear;)

I moved half way round the world for my job, aged 43, with my cuddly tiger in my hand luggage. He will be prized out of my cold dead hands.

Let your daughter have her comfort. It will not stop her maturing or developing.

My rabbit was given to me 54 years ago went everwhere with me. Now sits on shelf being cuddled by dh bear for 27 years. Neither have seen a washing machine. Dh bear now52

My dc both still have their special toys although teenagers now!

I'm tying this in bed cuddled up to the toy dog I've had since I was a year old. I'm 38.

If you take your DD toy away I promise she will remember. I've never forgiven my DF for throwing my Shuffles Hospital out when I was nine!

She's only 7 years old. She's attached to it. I don't believe in taking their comforter off them before they're ready.

I am 69 years old and one of the worst memories is when my witch of a mother took my soft little bear named Da away from me when I was five. Don’t take it away ever.

I am 51 and still have the teddy given to me on the day i was born!

Last week was visiting my eldest 2 who live way up north! my daughter came to stay a night at my friends house i was visiting, at bed time she realised that she didnt have her Blankie.. she is 21 and was the first night she had ever been without it!! Lucky for her, that I have a snippet of it in my cars glovebox!! its been there since she was tiny.

No one should say that special toys/blankies should be taken away!!!

Print this out and give it to DM, OP. Then she won't need to feel concerned about what others think!

My DD1 is 14 in a couple of weeks and still has her special toy - which is by now very disheveled! She has gradually needed her less and less over the years, but still has a cuddle after a bad day at school sometimes. Life can be hard, so why take away something that provides comfort and joy to a child.

My 12yo, rapidly maturing preteen still cuddles Ducky every night (his first ever toy) and gets genuinely, if mildly, upset if he can't find him/her/it (he refuses to use pronouns for Ducky - Ducky must be gender fluid ). Dh kept his adored dog until it got absorbed into the dcs' cuddly toy stash.

Never, ever is the answer.

My opinion;
Really depends to what extent she loves this toy.
I had a blanket with satin edges that I had, I took it on sleepovers until I was 13. Then my mum made me cut it up before I went to high school which was then traumatic. A year later my parents split up and I’d have done anything to have that blanket. I then got attached to a giant version my friend’s mum had. She gave it to me and I kept it until around a year after I got married.

Looking back I wish my mum had just let me have it in my bed only and never taken it to sleepovers etc. That before I got to high school she just put it in a special box or something for really bad times, but not as an everyday comfort.

We’ve been lucky with my son he rotated his stuffed toys. Personally I hate stuffed toys. He has about 30 which all lived in a pop up bucket while he was a baby and now under his cabin bed. Every night since he’s been big enough to choose he takes two teddies to bed. Every night they change, unless we are on holiday (he takes 3 for the week) or he gets a new one which he then keeps for about 3/4 nights and rotates the ‘sidekick’. He has occasionally gone to bed without any, and he Shaws no attachment to any particular one.

My Special toy is a Dalmatian puppy called Ben, had him since I was tiny. He regularly sleeps in DS's bed these days, giving him cuddles. He keeps the scaries away.

DSD is 11 and has her special bear too. She usually brings him with her to sleep with when she's here. Sometimes he even still takes part in stuff we're doing, although nothing like as much as he used to.

Your DD will grow out of wanting it all the time, but I would never ever take it away from her.

My mum is rather proud that sitting in a vintage dolls pram she has her doll (60 years old) that she got for Christmas when she was 4, my doll (33) I brought with the money I got for my fifth birthday, and my sisters ted (21), and my younger brothers flat his tiny little toy dog is pride of place on his shelf. He's has this dog since the day he was born his dad was sent out to buy a comforter and came back with the dog. This dog has been through everything with my brother. Ok I'm not sure how much of the original dog is there now mum has repaired him so many times over the last 26 years

My son had a hand knitted dog from grandma called um um over the years it gradually changed into a faceless lump of wool sitting on the bed, I recently mentioned um um to my son who took me upstairs and showed me um um now residing in a bedroom drawer but still here. My son is thirty five and yes he is a well adjusted sociable man with a great job and a wonderful life before anyone asks.

I have a childhood bear who formerly belonged to my cousin. The bear is now 74 and is held together by the clothes we put on him. I recently sent a photo to my 90 yr old aunt and uncle whose son they originally bought the bear for in the 40’s. They were quite emotional to see Goldie Bear, still “alive” and very much loved.

OP, this grandma doesn’t know what she’s talking about!

Never. You never take it away. Jesus, I've got a cot bumper I used for comfort from birth. I'm 29 and it's falling to pieces. I would never ever get rid of it. There's no harm in children having a comfort toy or blanket, I would say it's healthy! I know I'm biased.

I've still got a teddy bear and a doll from childhood. I'm 51.

Don't take it away, that would be really cruel of your DM, what is she thinking? My DSis still has a collection of cuddly toys as an adult, they used to decorate her bedroom shelves when she was single. I don't know if she still does that now. (I admit I never understood it myself lol.)

NRTWT but - I am 48 in four days time. I still have my panda (Kissifer) that I had as a child. He spends the day either sitting on my bed or (currently, as I’m on bed rest) propping up whatever book I’m reading. I’m married and have a teenager. If your daughter loves this and it comforts her, sod your DM!

Has anyones children had a special toy that they sleep with be something over that a teddy like a toy metal train?

Tell you mother to piss right off!! Who does she think she is to dictate what happens in YOUR house with YOUR child??
She sounds like she's sucking the joy out of childhood 😠