To have let rip at the school?

[MajorMam]

DS's (age 15) school just rang me telling that DS had taken an axe to school.

It was actually a polystyrene scythe Halloween prop. He shouldn't have taken it if course.

Aibu to think the Head of Year should have checked whether it was an actual axe before she rang me. I lost it a bit because since DS has started there (this September), they have been constantly ringing me about the most minor of behaviour infractions.

DS has SN with associated behaviour issues (not violence) and this is an SN school who were aware of his behaviour before he started BTW.

Think you had a name change fail OP?

I know what you’re trying to say OP and I agree, if someone rang me to say my DD with Sen had brought an axe to school I would be having kittens but if they told me she had brought a fake axe, I wouldn’t be so worried. My DD is in mainstream primary and initially I used to get calls all the time including about things that I know they wouldn’t call other parents of typical children about. They wanted her out so picked on every little thing and it sounds like your son’s school may be doing the same.

Am I the only here who thought leaving out the word 'fake' put an entirely different spin on the situation?
Of course it does. But then you started talking about the fact that they keep phoning you, rather than sending a weekly email, so I assumed that you were annoyed about the method of communication.

Oops. Reverted back to old username which I couldn't change before.

They have also used the word 'axe' all through the weekly email roundup. Only putting 'plastic' on the last line of a long paragraph about it. It is foam and he admitted he put it down his trousers so as well as searching his bag, I am going to have to get him to drop his trousers in future. It was another child who informed the school. The 'Axe' was not in school and they searched all over for it apparently. He left it on the bus. He said he took it to make the other kids laugh as he is 'so bored' at school. It seems he spent most of the afternoon sitting in class with his sweatshirt, then a plastic bag (holes for his eyes) then paper towels over his face.

I was also told by his mainstream school that getting an EHCP would make no difference to his education (it seems they were right but only because it was left so late) and they couldn't make reasonable adjustments as all the parents would want them, that DSs learning difficulties shouldn't affect his behaviour as they had other SEN kids who were well behaved.

Sorry FlowerPot but I was sure that I read a post where you said you were a teacher. Must have been a different, but equally ignorant, poster. No paranoia here, but also wondering why you are so deeply invested in berating parents of SN children if you are not teaching staff as you do pop on these kind of threads, like a dog with a bone?

I think there's a big difference between 'your child has brought an axe into school' and 'your child has brought a foam Halloween toy scythe'.

I have 15 y/o boys myself. If I was told the former I would be very shocked and upset, wondering where on earth they got an axe and what they were intending to do with it.

The latter - well yes it is something you needed to know so you can have words with him and try to prevent a recurrence, but it didn't need a dramatic and worrying phone call about an axe-weird An email would have done.

I think in the context of constant tattle-tale phone calls - 'your son did this wrong, your son did that wrong' etc etc every day over issues over which you have no control because he is in their care and they should be dealing with it, this is something of a final straw.

Do school ever celebrate his achievements? Call to tell you when he does something good? They seem to be struggling to cope with a lot of behaviours which seem within the bounds of general teen boy silliness which a mainstream school would just deal with.

Sorry, some edit fails there. Bloody phone submitted too soon.

OP you shouldn't have asked this in AIBU- the responses are so harsh!

I have a child with ASD in mainstream. He is doing well but I do get informed of low level incidents from time to time. I find this really stressful to deal with - I can't imagine what you've been through. It wears you down. The way you feel about this incident and how you react is a based on everything you have been through previously. I would be annoyed too if they initially led me to believe he had brought a real axe but I'd be careful how I deal with the school as I'd want to hopefully build good relations with them.

Yes I know OP. DS didn't get his assessment either for five years. It took five long years of constant Camhs, salt, paed appointments, not to mention the several parenting courses and CAF meetings and and the private paediatrician who's help we sought and a school move later. Only after the last umpteenth Camhs and salt appointments who both wrote their concerns was he put forward for the assessment.

I get it. I really do.

Perhaps start a new thread in SNs where they'll be able to advise you better.

OP has explained that they'd agreed on a weekly email system.

Yes I know ceto but that's weekly. If she's getting daily phone calls now she'll just be getting daily emails instead.
The school need to be more proactive in helping DS settle.

It's almost Christmas and DS has only just started to settle down now since starting back in September - and that's with a school he was already at they'd just had some significant changes (huge extension) which DS has struggled with.

Wyfof You were in charge of the class hence the reason why ta asked YOU if she could put both children together. It was your duty to say no "one child is noisy p
and tends to touch, the other doesn't like loud noises or being touched, so they would be better off apart. Just support the child who is funded for 1-1". To try and wiggle out of it and blame someone else, makes you even more of a bad teacher. Also, I don't believe that you didn't know which child was funded for 1 to 1, and if you truly didn't why not just ask? 1 to 1 funding is difficult to obtain, shows that this particular child needs 100 per cent support. Surely you would want / need to know? Your sharing the funding spoilt it for both children and your flippancy about such an important thing is disgraceful.

Wolfiefan thankyou. I actually did miss it. I turned up at pickup time blissfully unaware and the poor lamb was in floods of tears.

Course it was all my fault I didn't telepathically know he'd squirrel letters away! I always triple check now!

Poor kid. Such anxiety about the possibility of being in trouble. Of course it was all your fault!! Must get those telepathic powers fixed. Bless him.

Pengggwn. So I should home educate my son because a specialist school are so rubbish that they feel the need to contact me about his every move and seem to have no measures in place to deal with his well documented behaviours other than to move him to different classes and remove his breaktimes?

Yes OK then.

How far do you think I'd get, I as an untrained teacher, educating an SN child that a school can't even educate. I suppose it doesn't matter as he'll never amount to anything anyway?

Domani - did you miss the post where Wyfof said she teaches this class for 2 hours a week? In secondary school, there's a big SN Dept with a SENCO who makes all the decisions. Subject teachers are told which of their pupils have SN but have no say whatsoever about the support provision in their classrooms. If the TA says she needs to sit with 2 pupils, that is what happens. This is all sorted out before the subject teacher has even met the pupils. If it doesn't work in practice, that's when the teacher gets involved with the SENCO. Blame the SENCO, not the subject teacher.

Penggyn The LEA have placed OP's son in the wrong school. They knew all his difficulties and yet neither they or the head suggested school may not be able to cope, and therefore will be contacting OP about every misdemeanor, no matter how small. In my opinion, rubbish LEA and rubbish school.

for OP: sounds like a bad day. Hope your weekend is better.

Thyme another rubbish school then? Senco and Wyfof didn't even liaise about a child who had been awarded 1 to 1. So the plan is, share the funding then when there are problems, talk to Senco? Brilliant plan!

Nothing changes thd fact that some parent had fought for a 1 to 1, the funding for this was paid by the taxpayer and the child didn't get it.

I am actually considering putting in an official complaint to the school and the LEA, because the school accepted him, for causing him distress and disruption to his education.

The school had a consultation period in which they had the opportunity to raise concerns over whether they could meet his needs. They were aware of his behaviour history (which the Head now denies). The LEA has said that the school does not generally take on kids with behaviour issues. I should have been told they couldn't take him. Within 2 months they decide they can't meet his needs.

Yes I know ceto but that's weekly. If she's getting daily phone calls now she'll just be getting daily emails instead.

Why? The idea is presumably that they'd have a weekly round-up. They don't have to report every incident as soon as it happens; and, of course, if they are doing the job that, as a specialist school they claim to be doing, they ought to be able to reduce the number of incidents that need reporting anyway.

An official complaint? Because they called you to tell you he had taken something he shouldn't have into school?