To have let rip at the school?

[MajorMam]

DS's (age 15) school just rang me telling that DS had taken an axe to school.

It was actually a polystyrene scythe Halloween prop. He shouldn't have taken it if course.

Aibu to think the Head of Year should have checked whether it was an actual axe before she rang me. I lost it a bit because since DS has started there (this September), they have been constantly ringing me about the most minor of behaviour infractions.

DS has SN with associated behaviour issues (not violence) and this is an SN school who were aware of his behaviour before he started BTW.

I think Pengggwn may be an sen education officer, I recognise the spiel

As if it weren't hard enough having a child with special needs

I think perhaps it may be a case of the straw that broke the camels back:the school sounds generally poor with regards to your son, however this one instance they acted correctly as outlined by many posters above. I think lots of people are confusing the two separate issues.
Perhaps a case of pick your battles. Hope you and your son have a good weekend.

So sorry: my post at 23.48 should have been addressed to Thyme.

"I can't imagine expressing the sentiment that what happens at school isn't my problem and they just need to deal with it."

Surely that depends upon the child. With some children there is nothing you can do about behaviours that happen when you are not actually with them.

My child is in a very specialist setting. We work together to find the the best ways of managing his behaviour and teaching him to manage his own behaviour. Do I feel responsibility for what actually happens when he is there? No I don't.

Daily phone calls achieves nothing but stress for the parents. The school needs to prioritise what issues are important. Fine, if they are asking you to take action e.g. check his bag for illicit material each material. Fine, if they are warning you that you may have angry child coming home so you can be prepared to deal with the aftermath. Fine, if there is an out-of-the norm incident and they want some advice on what might be causing the issue or how to handle it. But a daily litany of complaints whilst seemingly ignoring your advice on how to manage the behaviour of your child more harmful than good.

'Strategies' is a word that gets thrown around as if professionals should be able to reach into an endless bag of tricks to stop children doing dangerous and inappropriate things like sneaking replica weapons into school. Erm... how?

By educating them? I didn't claim that specialist schools should be able to guarantee to stop inappropriate behaviour, simply that it is reasonable to expect them to be able to reduce it: you stated that even that was ridiculous. If it is ridiculous to expect a specialist school to achieve even that much, we would have to question the point of having them at all.

And, of course, there is no suggestion that OP's son had a "replica weapon". It's expressly stated that the object in question was obviously made of foam and not lifelike at all.

it certainly doesn't mean I shouldn't be informed or should refuse to be informed

When did OP claim that this was what she expected, Penggwyn?

Penggwyn, I didn't suggest that this school should treat the foam scythe as acceptable; simply that it is incorrect to describe it as a replica weapon. The distinction is very relevant for obvious reasons, and should affect the school's reaction.

I am completely bemused by your statement that it is ridiculous to expect a specialist school to be able to do its job. Such schools are dealing with children's lives; before children are placed with them, they are carefully consulted as to whether they can meet their needs. It matters that they should not make that claim lightly. If it is fine for a specialist school to say, on the one hand, that they can meet a given child's needs, but on the other hand that it would be ridiculous to expect them to make good on that even to a minor degree, what on earth is the point? As I say, no-one expects them to wave a magic wand and resolve absolutely everything, but it is bizarre to say that it is always ridiculous to expect them to resolve anything at all.

Penggwynn, I have read the OP's posts. It's really not clear that you have. She has repeatedly said that she expects to be kept informed; indeed, she has set up a sensible system for precisely that purpose. Her complaint is in part that that system wasn't used, and in part that the information she was given was incorrect.

Pengggwyn aren't you lucky being able to use childcare? My ds could never have gone to childcare, he would have injured every child there. Couldn't go to play centres. In mainstream school he injured 12 children in one playtime. Once we found a decent special school all of that stopped and there were no phone calls whatsoever, just a home/school diary where both teachers and parents keep each other up to date. They also gave us strategies (which you seem to turn your nose up at) to use at home which helped the family immensely. This was an excellent sp.school with excellent specialist teachers, not like the rubbish one where OP's son has been placed by the LEA. Hope you continue to enjoy your childcare/schooling and that your dc never have cause to self harm.

Pengggwn I am getting the impression you have no understanding of the sort of child I am talking about. For some children a large part of their curriculum is teaching them to self regulate and manage as best they can their own behaviour. It is as best they can because these children will never have capacity.
The school also has a responsibility to be aware when they are not coping and to manage any resulting behaviour. If a school puts them in a situation they can't cope with, with resulting challenging behaviour, how can that possibility be the parents responsibility.

Parents should be informed of incidents they need to know about. If a special school is ringing daily they should be looking at how they are managing the child's behaviour.

I dont get the issue with informing the parent.
Yes they should expect children to have behavioural issues but as an sen parent I rely on communication with the school.
So for example my boy was eating in lessons when he shouldn't be. They told me, it was pretty minor. They didn't expect me to beat him with a stick or punish him but were just letting me know that from now on they were going to be stricter in that regard. I also changed how I packed the lunches and as far as I know it's stopped.
When a school gets in contact They might be just letting you know and explaining in advance of when the kid comes home. For example to the above, to let the parent know they are smuggling items to school, might be upset because they were told off or had it removed etc.
If my child had done the same, i wouldn't want to know about it a week later, I'd want to know then! Otherwise it becomes everyday this week theyve take inappropriate things to school and you've not had a chance to problem solve at home