To have let rip at the school?

[MajorMam]

DS's (age 15) school just rang me telling that DS had taken an axe to school.

It was actually a polystyrene scythe Halloween prop. He shouldn't have taken it if course.

Aibu to think the Head of Year should have checked whether it was an actual axe before she rang me. I lost it a bit because since DS has started there (this September), they have been constantly ringing me about the most minor of behaviour infractions.

DS has SN with associated behaviour issues (not violence) and this is an SN school who were aware of his behaviour before he started BTW.

I have had experience in MS where I have been informed DS has done something verbally and then school have denied saying it . This is why I prefer to work in writing so I can keep a log of what's gone to help at meetings and with the LEA. I do not expect emails daily. I suggested weekly emails so I can work with DS on going over what he's done on the weekend.

They clearly feel they need to contact you more often.

Why contact op at all? If they were properly trained as in my ds good school, they would have simply removed it and put it in thd home/school book. Duh, simple!

It does seem as if the school is finding his behaviour challenging. If they are getting in touch daily then you need a meeting to discuss what is going wrong and how everyone can work to improve the situation.

Is it an SEN school or one for behavioural difficulties? The latter are designed to deal with stuff like this, whereas a school with a wide range of pupils with SN has to consider all pupils, some of whom may be terrified by weapons and masks (and I would be, frankly!).

The internet stuff - not on. I'd tear him off a strip for this.

The problem is that SN can present themselves in different ways, as I'm sure you know.

I'm a teacher in mainstream, and a few years ago I had two boys with ASD in one of my classes - I believe both of them are now in specialist provision. The TA (1:1 for one of the boys) suggested that I place them close together so that she could check in on both. One of the boys was very loud and enthusiastic, so shouted out answers at the top of his voice and got too close into others personal space. The other boy hated loud noises and physical contact, and at times got so overwhelmed by this boy's behaviour that he left the classroom. Your DS may find it hard to control his own behaviour, but that doesn't mean it isn't having an impact on the other students - perhaps to a greater extent in an SN school than in mainstream.

I think it's fairly normal for parents to be called about anything involving violence or weapons, even fake ones. If the HoY had said "DS brought a fake axe to school" would you have still been annoyed? I can't imagine that you told her to piss off just because she left out the word "fake". I agree with other posters that you need to make a meeting with the HoY and specifically go over what methods of communication will be used - if they have a school policy which says they ring home for certain infractions, then they might be unlikely to change that but if there's some flexibility, they may agree to email or write a letter instead.

I think one thing being overlooked is Op's son is new to this school and testing boundaries. He's also new to the staff, and they don't know his limits. So something like 'playing with sticks in the playground', which might be dismissed by his mainstream school as x mucking about again, is taken more seriously because they don't know what he's capable of doing with the stick.

There does seem to be a theme to his misbehaviour. Taken with the skull mask and the horror trailers, I can imagine that a child's report that x has an axe in his bag would have set loud alarm bells ringing. It may well have taken some time to discover from an informant with LDs that it was a replica scythe, not a real axe. Again, in mainstream, interest in gory stuff is run of the mill. But in an SN school, there may well have been pupils where it has turned into something more dangerous. As a pp said, the case of Anne McGuire is very much on teachers' minds at the moment.

I can understand Op's exasperation and disappointment with the school she hoped would be more suitable for her son. But it's still early days. He's likely to be acting out more than at his previous school and they are going to take a firm line till they understand him better.

MajorMam
Worryingly I am sure FlowerPot is a teacher as are quite a few others who have posted on this thread

Oh dear oh dear MajorMan. You're as bad as WorriedObsessive! So much paranoia, secret motivations and conspiracy theories!

No, I am not a teacher and I doubt many of the other decent, inquiring, polite posters on here who you have been so aggressive to are either.

This is an AIBU thread and you and Worried Obsessive have turned it into yet another SN aggressive nightmare. I'm out of this freaky angst!

Lady do you think the LEA have placed him in the wrong school then? Then it's their job to get him in the correct placement. The internet---in school, school's responsibility, at home parents responsibility. Simple.

Ceto If a pupil is set on scaring people and causing havoc, a plastic spider can be pretty effective. A five foot plastic scythe is in a different league. And someone was having to drive that bus.

I think the school were right to telephone you . Do they ever telephone you / communicate with you when he has done something lovely ?

See I would consider keeping parents informed a positive thing.

Certainly, but when you run a special school you shouldn't expect to phone about every incident, particularly before you've ascertained exactly what happened as seems to have been the case here. A quick note can serve the purpose just as well.

No teacher I know has an issue with reasonable parents raising reasonable issues in a reasonable way.

With every respect, Maisy, your experience may be limited. People on the SN boards could tell you of numerous incidents when they have been treated as "that parent" for raising concerns about their child's difficulties, for querying their children being punished for things that are the direct result of their disabilities, for applying successfully for EHCPs when the teachers had confidently said they wouldn't get them, and many other similar instances.

Your child has done wrong, yet again. The school has disciplined him. What have you done?

Put him into a school which claims to specialise in meeting the needs of children with similar disabilities?

Wyfof why did you allow thr TA who was being paid for 1 to 1, to share herself between 2, thereby causing the issues that followed? If I'd gone through the battle (and it is a battle) to obtain 1-1, and then the provision was halved, I'd be fuming!! YOU were entirely responsible for that child having to leave the classroom. And you guys without sn kids, this is the kind of thing that happens over and over again, then we get the phone calls. Wyfof you should be ashamed, you cut a child's allocated provision by half.

If he has such severe learning difficulties why on earth did you persist in keeping him in mainstream schooling until he was 15?

Why would anyone assume that that was OP's choice? Surely, as the parent of a child with SN, MyCats, you know it really isn't as simply as that to get a special school place?

Yeah I will back WorriedObsessive on this - flowerpot is often on SN threads, goading the exhausted parents, but you do need to learn to just tune it out. It's just internet static, there's always one.

Ditto.

I said I have no problem knowing what is going on but prefer it in writing such as an email which is what was agreed.

But you'd just be getting loads of emails instead of loads of phone calls?

OP has explained that they'd agreed on a weekly email system.

I think things like this are best reported straight away so that he doesn’t bring the axe in again tomorrow and possibly cause an accident or seriously worry another SN child on the bus. Ditto for a scary internet search which he might succeed in doing at home that evening. Ink in table sticks in playground yes that can all go into the weekly bulletin. But some things need saying for the sake of your DC and the others in his class. I really doubt they are doing it on purpose to wind you up. A phone call ensures you have the message and haven’t overlooked an email. Just my opinion

Thyme, to go back to my original point, there is nothing in this thread stating that OP's son was "waving a 5ft scythe around and causing havoc on the school bus".

Any way OP please have a word with the school. A meeting with the head and discuss his behaviours again and see if theres groundrules in place that you need to be extra vigilant about x

Wyfof did the parents find out you'd cut their child's provision by half? Bet they didn't because they would have taken you and the Head to a tribunal. This is funding from the government for a sn child and you have misused it and caused distress. Unbelievable!

Wyfof I hope the parents find out and go to Disabled Rights. What do you think a 1-1 is for? Fun? That 1-1 could make all the difference to BOTH kids' being able to remain in school. No wonder my ds was expelled 3 times by the age of 5, if this is what goes on in schools. Totally irresponsible!

did the parents find out you'd cut their child's provision by half? Bet they didn't because they would have taken you and the Head to a tribunal. This is funding from the government for a sn child and you have misused it and caused distress. Unbelievable!

I hope the parents find out and go to Disabled Rights. What do you think a 1-1 is for? Fun? That 1-1 could make all the difference to BOTH kids' being able to remain in school. No wonder my ds was expelled 3 times by the age of 5, if this is what goes on in schools. Totally irresponsible!

The 1:1 asked me to put her with both of the children. I don't get told who the TA is for (secondary in a subject which only has 2 hours a week at KS3) and we've been told repeatedly that LSAs know their students better than we do and that we should listen to them, so when she said "I'm technically here with Bob but I need to keep an eye on Joe too, so make sure he's next to me" I did as she said. Once I saw it was causing problems, I separated them and informed the SENCO.

And what an idiot, to admit the deception on here. Poor kids, god help our sn kids.

WyofBathe - If the HoY had said "DS brought a fake axe to school" would you have still been annoyed? I can't imagine that you told her to piss off just because she left out the word "fake".

Am I the only here who thought leaving out the word 'fake' put an entirely different spin on the situation?

I didn't tell her to piss off.