To have let rip at the school?

[MajorMam]

DS's (age 15) school just rang me telling that DS had taken an axe to school.

It was actually a polystyrene scythe Halloween prop. He shouldn't have taken it if course.

Aibu to think the Head of Year should have checked whether it was an actual axe before she rang me. I lost it a bit because since DS has started there (this September), they have been constantly ringing me about the most minor of behaviour infractions.

DS has SN with associated behaviour issues (not violence) and this is an SN school who were aware of his behaviour before he started BTW.

MajorMam as if the head didn't know ds behaviour history. What a load of rubbish. Yes, make a complaint p
but you need to head it "formal complaint" not official. Also, ask for John Wright (the director, if he's still there) at Ipsea, for advice.

Pengggwn NO. Op is only responsible for ds outside of school hours. The child has the funding and the legal documents for that specific school. Strategies and sanctions should already be in place. They obviously are not. There is absolutely no reason for daily phone calls or emails. He is there with funding BECAUSE he has difficulties. The LEA placed him there, informed the school of ds difficulties and funded it. School agreed with op there would be WEEKLY updates. They are failing ds and op and worse, ds is self harming because of their failing. And yes, I am one of those parents. Oh and OP, let Ofsted know as well.

I don't think his successful you might be at educating your son is the point. He is YOUR son and YOUR responsibility. Any mistakes made by the school are entirely separate to the fact that they can contact you to inform you of steps they are taking with regards to your child's behaviour. I don't think his SN are relevant to that. I also don't think waving a fake axe around on the school bus is minor. At all
Same.
But as I've already been told on this thread but given I've been told the best part of a decade in schools gives me 'limited' experience i imagine someone will be along to say you're awful.

It sounds from this post like the OP doesn't have any intention of engaging positively and is only interested in having a go and being pissed off every 5 seconds. Then if anyonr suggests being a little less 'kicky offy' and a bit more reasonable they (and others) wildly exaggerate claim people are blaming parents for SEND needs.

Ceto your 20.20. post. Spot on

Sorry Ceto 20.22

Sorry again Ceto 20.20 (got it right first time) think I need an early night!

What a strange strange set of responses to this thread. OP I’m sure the rational side of you knows the school had to give you a call to explain what had happened and that going forward you need to check his bag. But you are allowed to be a little bit pissed if they made it seem more sinister than it was. No parent or school is perfect and everyone is allowed their opinion but some of the ones on here I would flat out ignore. It seems like a bunch of people just wanting to argue with each other and score points not really about you and your son.

Please talk to him as much as possible. You both sound like you need help.

@Jayfee if you could just let us know where to find this help. I will follow the OP to it.

For those of you who don't understand what it's like to have the school ringing constantly about challenging behaviour that they are getting extra resources from LA to deal with I would love you to walk a day in MajorMam's shoes.

If I could just have a penny for everytime someone suggests talking will correct SN behaviour problems!

Maisie where does op say ds was waving a fake axe around on the school bus? Can't find it, could you give me the time she said this please? Thanks

I get the impression that some people here believe that a child's behaviour is totally down to their mum. I would have thought that when a child has behaviour problems and is sent to a specialist school, those specialists might be expected to have the necessary training to deal with it, even possibly to advice the parents how to deal these problems.

But here the mother is being berated for her child's misbehaviour and even told that she should home educate.

I will admit Artthat I used to think that myself, well down to the Mum AND Dad, before I had an SN child myself . You live and learn hey!

Anyway DH tells me that we don't even own an axe (I rarely venture into the garage) that just shows how frazzled my brain is that I actually thought what school was saying might have been correct!

Sorry that was to Atenco.

Thanks so much for the supportive replies .

But here the mother is being berated for her child's misbehaviour and even told that she should home educate
I don't think she is to blame for it or think she should home educate.
I just question how effective eing pissed off and kicking off would be in resolving the situation.

OP I’m sure the rational side of you knows the school had to give you a call to explain what had happened and that going forward you need to check his bag. But you are allowed to be a little bit pissed if they made it seem more sinister than it was
Exactly. Schools make mistakes all the time because like any organisation they are made up of people. I don't get it when people start the teachers think everyone shpuld be subservient crap.
My thing on the 'that parent' is because in my experience some approaches get better responses than others. The OPs attitude on here wouldn't get a good response from staff in my experience. It's all too much '6 million things I'm pissed off about abd anyway they should not bother me', whereas if she calmly discusses it with thr relevant person rather than kicking iff people tend to be much more receptive

OP. I can't believe what a hard time you are having in this thread. I don't have a teen with SN so can't start to understand how hard that is dsy in day out. I do have a teen whose behaviour has been challenging at times and his (outstanding) school has been brilliant. I'm failing to understand the hand wringing over a foam axe quite frankly. You're right they should be dealing with his behaviour IN school. If they can't meet his needs they are failing him - clearly there needs to be support and trust between parent and school and I'm not surprised you're losing the plot with them. Best of luck.

Maisie could you please answer my query of 21.10? Thanks.

'handwringing over a foam axe'

Obviously, the pupil said it was an axe because he didn't know the word for scythe. The point is that it was 5 ft long. It had been hidden down his trousers. I suppose he had to take it out to sit down. Once it was out, how do you think he was holding it? It's v difficult to carry anything 5ft long on a bus without poking someone somewhere. I don't think I was hyperbolic in describing it as 'waving'. It would wave whether he intended it to or not. This is a boy who likes scaring people because school is boring. I suppose he might have been v careful and tried to put it discreetly under a seat. But somehow I doubt it. Bad enough in the playground, let alone a moving vehicle.

This is a bus full of SN pupils. How do you think they might react? I wonder how many phone calls the school has had about x having an axe on the school bus?

This was not a trivial incident. Yes, the school should have got all the facts before ringing Op. But no way should it have been left to the weekly email.

Domani
I agreed with the sentiments of another poster.

Having a fake axe isn't a minor issue to me.

This was not a trivial incident. Yes, the school should have got all the facts before ringing Op. But no way should it have been left to the weekly email.
Exactly.

Whatever the intricacies of the situation a child scared other students with additional needs by waving a fake weapon around.

It's all starting to get like an article someone shared on facebook 'parent gets annoyed thay DC was in trouble for bringing a bb gun into school because it was only in their bag'. They were so furious about their child being in trouble that they went to the local paper to complain that clearly another student had told on their DC.

Thyme oh, was it you who said ds had been waving a fake axe around on the school bus? I've been looking for it. Sorry Maisie didn't realise you were just copying someone else, it's like chinese whispers, isn't it? *Thyme, so you actually made this up did you? Think I'll report you then.

Pengwynn, why is it ridiculous to suggest that a specialist school which is funded to meet the needs of children with learning difficulties and which has expressly stated it can meet the needs of one particular child, should be able to meet that child's needs so as to reduce incidents resulting from those needs?

Domani - read my posts to Ceto. I haven't made anything up. Everything I wrote can be deduced from Op's references to the incident on the bus. How would you interpret what happened from what she wrote?

It's v depressing how these threads degenerate into antagonism between parents and teachers. We both want the same things, but teachers have to consider the needs and safety of all their pupils which tends to influence their overall view of any situation.

OP, hope you and ds can have a reasonably good weekend under the circumstances. Watch out if you do complain because some schools (the failing ones) tend to refer families to social services for which you then get a new type of shit (we've had that too) If you can't make a formal complaint, definitely inform Ofsted of the failings. They can't deal with individual cases but they take note and use it in their next inspection. Btw, I think Pengggwn may be an sen education officer, I recognise the spiel. So sorry about your ds, I hope things work out. Good Luck

No worries Domani.

My view on this is quite simple.

There's been an incident. I think the school were right to inform home. The OP's attitude seems antagonistic and 'that parenty' which means that she's unlikely ti get a swift resolution.
There are ways to deal with concerns. Being a bit calmer and reasonable (rather than calling up to kick off and be pissed off) would probably allow for concerns to be aired productively.

I say the same thing on a lot of these types of threads. If people are supportive and reasonable with school then things tend to be resolved quickly and amicably.

Obviously, the pupil said it was an axe because he didn't know the word for scythe.

So, Maisy, if you were employed in a school for pupils with learning difficulties, and claim to specialise in those difficulties, do you think you might think it a good idea to double check that what one pupil reports is accurate?

It's v difficult to carry anything 5ft long on a bus without poking someone somewhere.

Unless, maybe, it's bendy foam scythe-shaped object that you've hidden down your trousers.

I suppose he had to take it out to sit down.

Unless it was a bendy foam scythe-shaped object.

I don't think I was hyperbolic in describing it as 'waving'.

You have been able to point to precisely zero evidence that it was waving. The actual evidence supplied is that "LEA transport department have had no reports of incidents, reported by the driver or escort, on his bus despite school saying last week that they would be informing them themselves of incidents they have been made aware of. The bus operator is apparently quick at notifying them." Your repeated insistence both that OP's son was waving the foam thing around and scaring children is not only hyperbolic, it's veering on the side of fantasy.

Ceto
I didn't post the things you are quoting