DH just invited his mate over for Christmas Day

[Robyrollover]

Just told me. Asked him whilst out at the weekend apparently. He's going to be on his own if not.

We already have my Dsis and family joining us, who have never met this friend, and aren't social by any stretch. BIL in particular is quite reserved.

I have said categorically no, it will be awkward for everyone (even I don't know him well, it's been well over a year since I've socialised with him), but he can come Boxing Day. I appreciate it's not in the spirit of Christmas, and if it wasn't for my Dsis I'd welcome him with open arms. Dh says I'm being a bitch.

So, over to you Mn... AIBU to say no?

Also, he might have family but doesnt mean he can spend the day with them. They might have plans.

I wouldn’t let anyone be on their own at Christmas.

YABVU

Another the more the merrier one here. My best mate came over every other year while she still lives in the UK. We miss her now she's gone back to Oz. She really made everyone else behave!

YABU, it’s Christmas Day FFS.

YANBU
He should have asked, it will be weird, but you can't retract the invitation now really.

Well if your sister and her husband will hate having him there, maybe your husband will have to uninvite his friend.

I don’t think you’re being that unreasonable OP. I’d hate to have a stranger around for Christmas Day and I’d be very angry if DH invited anyone without us discussing it first - even someone I actually liked! If DH asked me first I’d be very unlikely to say no, despite my own feelings (unless the person was objectionable for whatever reason) as if it’s important to DH, I’d willingly accommodate, but the lack of discussion would really annoy me.

I hope you find a way to make it work.

Solution I think
Explain to sister ding bat husband has invited a mate without ru jk g it past you ../basically the truth the. Say look with it being Christmas I’m sure you’ll understand I can’t uninvite them I just wanted to forewarn you . Then you give them a chance to change their minds if they are going to struggle and if not then they can get used to the idea
I reckon your panicking and it will more than likely turn out ok.
Other option get ratted and spike sisters drink then you can play drunken twister later...always a good laugh

YABU

I think it’s ‘the more the merrier’ - he sounds like a great additional your sister and Bil aren’t social.

OP you are not coming across very well in all of this . Just in case you didn't realise but the knife and fork comment was hilarious. I am still chuckling.

Do you not think it would be a tad awkward spending Christmas Day with someone you don't know?

No. I can think of how awkward it would be spending Christmas with plenty of people o do know. In fact, I’d rather spend Christmas with a stranger over several people I do know

The knife and fork thing is just rediculois.

Of course YABU. I can’t believe your Christmas is basically going to revolve around your Dsis and her familys preferences. They sound delightful

He should have asked you first but sounds like you would’ve just said no regardless

No one should be alone Christmas Day let alone friends! You are being mean!

He should have discussed it with you - but I do think you're being a bit mean. As far as I can tell you don't dislike this guy and I would feel really awful forcing someone to be alone on Christmas Day. It is ultimately up to you and DH to decide but I think if you can do it, then it would be a nice thing to do.

I've also found that sometimes totally unexpectedly an 'outlying' guest can actually improve a social situation as it can mean the conversation goes in new directions and people make a bit more effort conversationally.

YABU...ditch the miserable BIL instead

It was meant to be Mrsmadevans. Someone had said maybe he will get stuck in and do the dishes. I was making an exaggerated point

peach The friend isn't a stranger.

YANBU

He should have asked you first before inviting him. A stranger in the midst of a family Christmas celebration can be uncomfortable.

Unfortunately now the invite has been issued I don't think you can get out if it but I would make your dh and his friend wash up!

It might not be as bad as you think. I have spent a fair few Christmasses with people I didn't really want to be with, some of them weren't very enjoyable admittedly but it's only one day.

If he has family, but is choosing to be alone, it then seems a strange move to accept an invitation from his mate 🤔

Everyone on here has “family”. From many stories, it is clear not being with them at Christmas isn’t because they are choosing “alone”

I would have no problem with Mr Foo inviting a friend to our home to share Christmas Day with us.

I'm cringing at the idea of the invite being retracted.

Do you think this will affect your relationship with your husband going forward, OP?

My DH told his parents he doesn’t make decisions without speaking to me first. In practice he makes the decision then tells me and asks “you don’t mind do you?”

So when he invited someone, in front of me, for dinner on NY day I said - of course darling, what are you going to cook?

In your case OP I would tell DH yep, no problem as you are cooking, shopping and prepping the house for guests etc.

I think it's entirely reasonable to be annoyed and to ask your husband to uninvite his friend. You're coping with family who aren't particularly sociable, one of whom is reserved, to invite someone you don't know well without consulting you is adding to the stress.

I've spent Christmas day on my own and it was great, ate what I wanted, read and watched what I wanted, didn't have to worry about anyone else. I did a huge pre-Christmas lunch with all the trimmings, presents etc. some time before for family, it was good to have the break.

Yanbu.
An in law brought along a step child (adult) last year. Not from their current marriage. Complete idiot who ruined the day and now MY dh is currently refusing to go to the family gathering this year
I get it. My dh is not a social person with strangers. Knob Head ruined it but their ex step parent even more so

I’m with you OP

Sounds awful. Christmas Day is for veging and not getting properly dressed. I’d hate having someone I didn’t know well I am an introvert and cannot stand having people in my space, I’d be on edge all day.

I think it’s shite of your OH, one to invite without consulting and two to expect you to do it all. I think I’d say to him ‘righty sonny, you’ve shirked festive duties for too damn long, you’ve invited a guest, you damn well cater’ and be prepared to embarrass him in front of said mate to make it happen

Better a bitch than a doormat.