DH just invited his mate over for Christmas Day

[Robyrollover]

Just told me. Asked him whilst out at the weekend apparently. He's going to be on his own if not.

We already have my Dsis and family joining us, who have never met this friend, and aren't social by any stretch. BIL in particular is quite reserved.

I have said categorically no, it will be awkward for everyone (even I don't know him well, it's been well over a year since I've socialised with him), but he can come Boxing Day. I appreciate it's not in the spirit of Christmas, and if it wasn't for my Dsis I'd welcome him with open arms. Dh says I'm being a bitch.

So, over to you Mn... AIBU to say no?

OP - AIBU?
Everyone - Yes
OP - I'm really not

Sigh.

I've spent many a Christmas alone. In my late teens/ early twenties. My mum likes to see me for an hour in the morning and then be alone for the rest of the day, my dad was always invited elsewhere. My sister goes to her partners house. So I have family, but I still spent it alone. It was fucking shit. Actually made me feel a bit suicidal (and I'm not being a drama llama).

So glad I have my toddler DD to spend it with now. If you've never been in that situation, it's fair enough you don't realise how shit it is. I'm not flaming you. But it's unbelievably shit. I bet he was so happy and relieved to be invited. Please, please don't uninvite him.

Ha, snap Mimi

Anyway I'm sure the extra prep needed for one person when already catering for at least 4 won't be too onerous...

Like I have said - if we didn't have Dsis he'd be more than welcome. It's the fact that him coming will (and I know this sounds dramatic) ruin the day for Dsis and her husband. No amount of board games will make them 'loosen' up. They are what they are.

Very cruel and mean spirited. We have an open door policy in this house when it comes to Christmas. No one is to be alone unless they want to be.

You may as well let him come it sounds as if your xmas day is going to be challenging as it is OP, so what does it matter, perhaps you can have a decent Boxing day after they have all buggered off . Happy Christmas my dear !

I can't get aggravated by this sort of thing! It's Christmas...you'll be cooking enough to sink a ship, you can have plenty of "words" with dh to make sure he pulls his weight and firmly spell out he is not going to be playing Host and boozing the day away

AND chances are the friend will get a family invite anyway

I have lost track of all the waifs and strays the children have invited to Christmas Dinner because they'll be ALL ALONE OTHERWISE mamma that end up in the bosom of their own family come the big day

Lay down the grounds rules now...drink and a big lunch, DIY sarnies when or if required for much later on, and bring a generous amount of booze. (Poor student exemption, but N/A in this case)

I often have random extras at Christmas, more the merrier if you ask me.

I'd be cross if it wasn't discussed first, but there's no way I'd retract an invite. I'd do anything and everything to make someone feel welcome, I'd be thinking of ways to make it inclusive and not awkward.
Would DH's friend and your BIL feel like they were included if they had a 'wee job' - such as helping fill drinks, gathering up paper, being the battery putter inner. When people are less focussed on 'having' to socialise and instead, interact doing other things the pressure is off. People relax more. I like to help at other people's homes and love if someone gives me a task rather than me having to constantly ask to help.

Christmas Day will not be challenging. Dsis and husband are fine with us , and it will be a lovely day. Introduce a stranger and it will be unbearable.

How on earth do you know it's his choice to be alone?!? His family might be abroad or didn't invite him!

I think you are being unbelievably harsh but it doesn't sound like you're listening to anyone on the thread.

Maybe it will be good for DSIS & BIL to socialise a bit beyond family - doesn't it affect the children to have such painfully shy parents?

I couldn't be fucked with having guests who made other guests feel so uncomfortable. How rude in someone else's home.

Introduce a stranger and it will be unbearable.

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard

Have you never been to like....hostels, or parties, or meals with friends who bring people you've never met?

Jesus christ, "unbearable" - what do you think he's gonna do, shit on your carpet?

So your H does none of the work involved in hosting people for Christmas but thinks it's fine to invite an extra person without asking you? I can understand exactly why you are pissed off. Was it your H who insisted that your sister and her family were invited, as well? I would be wondering why he's so reluctant to spend time alone with his family TBH - and, again, why he's so keen to make extra work for you.

But, to an extent, I think it would be pretty grim to turn around and uninvite your H's friend. If he doesn't actually wave his dick at strangers or tell racist jokes, one more person isn't that much of an extra burden.

YABU. How much more work is it really to peel two more spuds and five more sprouts. Wash up a couple more plates?
If the work of hosting bothers you, delegate it. Get everyone helping.
If it's because your Dsis won't know him, tough, it's your house.
It's Christmas. Ever sat on your own?

One of the best Christmases we ever had was at our inlaws where they invited a random selection of people for dinner. I am normally also the type that hates having to make small talk and mingle with people in social situations. It was a lovely day- quite a few people there who would normally have been at home on their own.

Indeed I do. I'd give your husband tons of jobs to do. Your husband should have asked you and you have every right to be annoyed but you never know it might be your best christmas EVVAH.

I think you should have him over...but we have form for inviting extremely random people who would otherwise be alone..what an awful thought...I'd feel much more awkward on Christmas day knowing I'd allowed someone, whoever they are to be alone.

You might be surprised how much fun it can be...

He's not - last time he came over he didn't even manage to put his knife and fork together

How terribly uncouth.

Have you never been to like....hostels, or parties, or meals with friends who bring people you've never met?

Yes!! I have, and do regularly!! In fact , my job relies on it! Contrary to what a lot of people would obviously like to believe, this isn't actually about me!

Oh...and one more really doesn't amount to that much work anyway...

"If the work of hosting bothers you, delegate it."

I think I've made it clear that's not my main concern here

YANBU to tell your partner in no uncertain terms that he should have discussed it with you first, and to insist he does his fair share to make the day work. But it would be mean and horrible to retract the invitation. However, this is pretty much what everyone else has said, so you're probably going to remain convinced that you're right.