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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just invited his mate over for Christmas Day

542 replies

Robyrollover · 23/11/2017 22:01

Just told me. Asked him whilst out at the weekend apparently. He's going to be on his own if not.

We already have my Dsis and family joining us, who have never met this friend, and aren't social by any stretch. BIL in particular is quite reserved.

I have said categorically no, it will be awkward for everyone (even I don't know him well, it's been well over a year since I've socialised with him), but he can come Boxing Day. I appreciate it's not in the spirit of Christmas, and if it wasn't for my Dsis I'd welcome him with open arms. Dh says I'm being a bitch.

So, over to you Mn... AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
MadForlt · 23/11/2017 22:14

It's still YOUR sister, not his. YA still BU.

Etymology23 · 23/11/2017 22:14

I agree DH should have discussed it, but I couldn't rescind it. What about he stays invited and your DH agrees to split the work between you - double the Christmas spirit half (or maybe 3/4 to account for instructing him) the work. Get some board games in and some booze and they can fill silences or loosen people up.

mantlepiece · 23/11/2017 22:14

Ahh you had a big "discussion " about DS coming? Do you think this is a retaliation?

BeanoNoir · 23/11/2017 22:14

Wouldn’t you feel bad enjoying your Christmas if you knew he was on his own?

Hassled · 23/11/2017 22:15

Yes he should have asked but no, you shouldn't say he can't come.
Years ago my first H invited a Chinese colleague with little English, who otherwise would have been on his own, for Christmas Day. I was cross about it, but it was the right thing to do and in a surreal sort of way, a lot of fun. Chinese colleague built a lot of Lego models that day.

ilovegin112 · 23/11/2017 22:15

You haven't seen/ wanted to.see him because he didn't put his knife and fork together... Alright then....

BikeRunSki · 23/11/2017 22:15

I don’t think i’ve ever hsdbChtistmas without at least one random distant friend or acquaintances ego round otherwise have been alone.

ferntwist · 23/11/2017 22:15

It'll be okay won't it? The more the merrier?

Original poster
Robyrollover · 23/11/2017 22:15

I have said - should have put it in the OP - he has family. His choice to be alone

OP posts:
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 23/11/2017 22:16

OP I used to be like you. I could never be bothered with this kind of thing but my DH is very sociable and very casual....I realised how unfair I was being in insisting DH always check and in making him discourage his friend casually dropping by.

It's his life and home as well as mine! Some people thrive on their social lives and to make our home into a place where only my ways count, was not good.

Now I don't mind and have learned to relax a LOT. I used to worry about socialising a lot more...now I like it.

Nicknacky · 23/11/2017 22:16

Why did it need weeks of lengthy discussion to invite your sister?

I invited my dads friend on our holiday!

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 23/11/2017 22:16

Well he isn't choosing to be alone....he's choosing to accept an invitation from your DH.

toopeoply · 23/11/2017 22:17

Bit mean, but I do understand it would have been nice to be consulted. I definitely let him come. And tell your sister to make a bit more effort to be sociable Confused

Original poster
Robyrollover · 23/11/2017 22:17

Ahh you had a big "discussion " about DS coming? Do you think this is a retaliation?

Hmm It was me who was unsure.

OP posts:
MadForlt · 23/11/2017 22:17

Well maybe his family are shy retiring types that don't enjoy company...

Love a good drip feed, me...

MikeUniformMike · 23/11/2017 22:17

OP, you are obviously very selfish to not want to add another mouth to feed to your full house on what is the most family-oriented day of the year. You have a generous husband who is so caring that he has invited his pal round just in case his family don't so obviously he will be busy entertaining his pal.
Really, do you not realise how much hard work is involved in watching telly and drinking beer.
All you have to do is prepare food and look after your rellies and you are moaning already.

Joinourclub · 23/11/2017 22:18

He doesn't have to come for the whole day, just lunch/dinner.

boysarebackintown2 · 23/11/2017 22:18

It’s Christmas, he’s been invited and you want to un vite him?
Granted you should have been asked but it’s done now and if you take that away YABU and mean.
Put it this way- he was going to be alone at Christmas, now he’s not. Good deed done.
My mum has invited someone to my house xmas day that I hardly know, don’t particularly want him there but would rather him with us than alone.

PunkrockerGirl59 · 23/11/2017 22:18

Yabu. You can't uninvite him ffs. Put yourself in his position - how would you feel if you were alone for Christmas and had a kind invitation withdrawn. I think the true meaning of Christmas has bypassed you, OP - hope you're feeling proud Confused

Original poster
Robyrollover · 23/11/2017 22:18

Madforit- are you OK?!

OP posts:
MadForlt · 23/11/2017 22:19

MikeUniform, if you do all the food prep you maybe need to do some delegation.. It shouldn't be a solo activity...

Sparkle331 · 23/11/2017 22:20

Just because he has family doesnt mean he has a nice one, Perhaps he has issues with his family, I agree with your dh You are being really mean.

Original poster
Robyrollover · 23/11/2017 22:20

Thanks MikeUniformMike - you get it Sad

OP posts:
MadForlt · 23/11/2017 22:20

Roby, yes. I'm fine. I'm not sure about you, however.

MimiDeLaSun · 23/11/2017 22:21

AIBU?

Everyone - Yes

OP - No I'm not

My favourite Grin

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