DH just invited his mate over for Christmas Day

[Robyrollover]

Just told me. Asked him whilst out at the weekend apparently. He's going to be on his own if not.

We already have my Dsis and family joining us, who have never met this friend, and aren't social by any stretch. BIL in particular is quite reserved.

I have said categorically no, it will be awkward for everyone (even I don't know him well, it's been well over a year since I've socialised with him), but he can come Boxing Day. I appreciate it's not in the spirit of Christmas, and if it wasn't for my Dsis I'd welcome him with open arms. Dh says I'm being a bitch.

So, over to you Mn... AIBU to say no?

If it were my partner and he hadn't invited someone that had just told him that he would be on his own for Christmas, I would have been upset with him. Regardless of whether I had ever met them or not. Why would you want someone to spend Christmas alone if you have room for them?

Admittedly have skipped right to the end of this 21 page thread because tl:dr but come on.....

Just crack open another bottle of wine, put some cheesy Christmas music on and have a fun time. The more the merrier IMHO.

(Ok yes DH should have checked first, but make him pay and leave the poor Xmas orphan out of it)

well, I've just invited my ex husband and ex mother in law for Christmas dinner so could probably do with a few more guests to dilute the atmosphere. Anyone know where I can find a few strays?

I always try to help people where I can and can sympathise with this friend being potentially on his own but I don’t think UABU. Ds1 suffers from social anxiety and he would not enjoy Christmas Day with a stranger in the house. I would never put a friend’s feelings above those of my ds and I can understand why you don’t want to do that with your dsis and dbil.

I don’t think you can realistically withdraw the invitation now - it would be really rude.

BUT, comments about sister and brother-in-law should ‘grow up’ and ‘get on with it’ regarding not being sociable and finding social situations difficult - social anxiety isn’t something you can just decide not to have because it’s Christmas. I have severe anxiety in general, including several social anxiety, and I too would have had to think hard about having Christmas dinner with relatives (I have - and it’s not a reflection on them, I love them, I just find it really hard); if an unknown person was suddenly thrust into the plans, it would make it unbearably difficult for me and I quite possible wouldn’t be able to go anymore.

So whilst I agree with all those saying it’s the season of goodwill, and including people, and nobody being alone, please don’t assume social difficulties can take a hiatus because it’s Christmas - whilst I love Christmas, situations can be intensified for a lot of reasons, I can’t just make it stop.

(Apologies if this has been covered in previous posts - it’s not my intent to repeat, I just haven’t read all of the posts)

I think this is what Christmas is about, sorry. Good on your DH for offering. If it's not just the two of you anyway, one more won't make much difference. Embrace it, even if you think it might end badly!

Years ago went to pick my dad up from pub before Xmas meal and he said his friend (random in the pub) was coming for dinner and I put my foot down and said no and it haunts me! Most days I feel pangs of guilt

if i said no i would feel guilty and spend xmas imagining this guy on his own! i think you should let him come

mummypeepee
You need to get a grip. You feel guilty years later ?

RTFT.THE FRIEND HAS BEEN UNINVITED.

But he may come for a sleepover later at night. Which OP is ok with. Because she's nice.

I NEVER comment on post normal I'm too shy too but in this instance I've had too, I've been alone on Xmas day it for anyone that not been there won't understand fully but it's the most darkest, saddest and heart braking day to be alone.
I swore never again, it wasn't my choice either and I just wanted to say please find it in ur heart, my self n my fiance are by ourselves on Xmas day we never get invited to join my family and it kills me inside.
No one at all deserves to be alone Xmas day, tho you too are not being unreasonable either but can't you invite him over few times before Xmas invite ur DSis n bl too then you will at least have introduced him n make it easier for you all?
All best either way x

As he's already been invited (albeit without your being asked first) I'd be generous and let the arrangement stand. It's only one day after all, and the more the merrier. You can always rope him in to help in the kitchen, pouring drinks, etc.

@diammondgirlz2013 your reaction/response seems very extreme. I've been there (alone on C Day) many times and have never felt like that. With all respect I think you are making a lot of your own quite unique personal circumstances, which is affecting you even now

I can't think why he'd want to go round for a 'sleepover' somewhere where it's now been made clear he isn't wanted :/ what sort of offer is that? 'Sorry pal, you can't come round for Christmas dinner anymore but once the day's festivities are over, feel free to come and sit with us and watch the dregs of Xmas tv then go to bed'. How bloody awkward.

Well, clearly the DH thinks his friend will come for a sleepover.

I can't feel too sorry a man for doesn't even have the grace to thank someone for cooking him a meal or offering to scrape his plate/take it to the sink.

Yes shots I've had several Xmas days alone. And loved it. I could think of nothing worse than going to someone else's Xmas Day especially as a virtual stranger. I didnt need pity or be used to allay someones guilt.
And some people deserve to be alone on Xmas Day.

Well your DH has invited him now, so it would be really mean to uninvite him now. One more won't make any difference, I have been in this exact same situation where I ended up having 11 for Xmas dinner one year - it was fine!

Op use the opportunity to get your dh stepping up. All these people that don’t get Xmas would be the first to moan if there was no decorations, no presents and a microwave lasagne for tea. They do get Xmas, they do get it’s work and they don’t want to do it.

I’d hate to be invited to somewhere because some random didn’t want me to be on my own at Xmas but didn’t actually really want me there. How is a day of awkwardness any good for anyone? You can’t even pop out to the shops!

Just RT whole FT

Glad lots of PPs stepped in who had read OP's posts properly. I agree that it's lovely to share the Christmas spirit but that includes considering family's feelings on Christmas Day too. We don't know OP's BIL and SIL but OP does and has said it would be a real struggle for them. Does the Christmas cheer not extend to their happiness too?

It's not all about OP doing everything, but that has compounded her frustration.

Had OP DH just run it by her first, they could have suggested a plan like they have now come to where friend does get to see them Christmas Day without it affecting other guests in the first place and avoided all the angst of Mumsnet!

I love all the Christmas generosity but what drives me mad is people
only hearing the bits they want to hear and making assumptions (in real life too) argh!

Glad all sorted OP

So @Robyrollover perhaps you can tell us the scores on the doors of exactly how many of the critical pp's have messaged you to ask for the friends details do they can ensure he is invited to their homes?

Friend now has a Christmas evening invitation. Sil and bil won't be made to feel uncomfortable. Seems like a good and fair solution.

Also, consider the kids - they might not want a random friend of their father's about while they just want to play.

I'm not overly social but i'd rather one of dps friends came for Christmas day rather than spend it alone.

I’d be really cross if DH invited someone for Christmas Day without at least running it past me first but I honestly couldn’t then go on to uninvite the bloke but offer him tea and a sleepover instead!

If someone did that to me I’d feel really quite hurt and would probably decline the offer. After all, he’s still going to be sitting on his own all day!

I can totally understand you being annoyed and worried about your sister and BIL but if they’re that shy/antisocial that they couldn’t tolerate being in the company of one person they don’t know then how on earth do they manage in life?!!! Very odd

The poor man having to spend the day alone. Not good enough to come for Christmas dinner but welcome to come over for some cold turkey sandwiches.
If my other half HADN'T invited him over I'd have been annoyed with him.
I so rarely post on mumsnet but this thread is genuinely upsetting.

The poor man having to spend the day alone

That poor man has family and other options but chose not the go to them. How about poor OP getting dumped on?