DH just invited his mate over for Christmas Day

[Robyrollover]

Just told me. Asked him whilst out at the weekend apparently. He's going to be on his own if not.

We already have my Dsis and family joining us, who have never met this friend, and aren't social by any stretch. BIL in particular is quite reserved.

I have said categorically no, it will be awkward for everyone (even I don't know him well, it's been well over a year since I've socialised with him), but he can come Boxing Day. I appreciate it's not in the spirit of Christmas, and if it wasn't for my Dsis I'd welcome him with open arms. Dh says I'm being a bitch.

So, over to you Mn... AIBU to say no?

I think you are BU.

I do see an issue with that but that issue is there whether the friend comes to dinner or not

Yes and no. The OP is doing Christmas for her family. The DH expects to not lift a finger but freeload his drinking pal into the proceedings. Er I don't think so. If DH was intending to pull his weight he would have equal inviting rights, but he isn't so he doesn't and that's it really.

OP, you should have said that your DH had invited your MIL over without asking - you've had got 20 pages on how unreasonable he was, how she should stay at home and you should LTB.
Could MN run a poll - how many people have actually insisted on inviting strangers into their house THIS Christmas? Obviously it'll be about 99% of people who say they have based on these responses, and just me and a couple of others saying that we're sticking to people we actually know and want. Like a PP said - virtue signalling at its best.

YANBU- your husband should have asked you first.

Junebugjr

I disagree, one extra person when you're making a Christmas dinner you wouldn't even notice imo. Yes he should have asked but making him retract that is an horrendous position to put him in and awful for the friend, it's really embarrassing.

Just out of curiosity does the husband not help because he's a lazy dickhead or is it because the OP likes to do things herself? (Just asking because one of my friends doesn't want her husband anywhere near the kitchen Christmas day) because if it's because he just expects her to do everything and get waited on then that's the way bigger problem here and is still a problem whether he uninvites the friend or not.

I disagree, one extra person when you're making a Christmas dinner you wouldn't even notice imo

The in laws will notice and be uncomfortable.

since when is it the christmas spirit to make your guests feel bad?

*The in laws will notice and be uncomfortable.

since when is it the christmas spirit to make your guests feel bad?*

ffs they're adults, why would they feel bad?

I don't get it. Either Christmas is big deal and the OP and her SIL have just as much right to have a Christmas that they enjoy as the 'friend' does, or Christmas is not a big deal and therefore it doesn't matter if the friend is on his own or has to go to his own family and suck up whatever issues he has.

You really can't have it all ways, you can't say the op is selfish for not wanting a horrible Christmas just to make sure someone else doesn't have a horrible Christmas.

And who gives a flying fuck if the SIL doesn't have social skills. She is what she is, and she has been invited by her family to share Christmas and I think the OP is being bloody marvellous in making sure that she organises a Christmas that her SIL enjoys.

TalkinBoutWhat

a horrible Christmas? talk about melodramatics, is the guy satan himself or what?

Perhaps your husband should have asked you first, but I'm sure you have done things without checking with him before. The point is, the friend is invited now and it would be awful to retract the invitation. You're a big girl, you'll get over it.

I spent three Christmas days on my own when I was single and my mum had newly remarried (my dad died when I was quite young) and always had loads of offers to join friends. I never felt comfortable accepting, but I was so grateful to know the offers were there. I totally get that you’re pissed off, and your husband definitely should have checked with you, but I wouldn’t un-invite him.

Your sis and Bil sound a joy! I think you need dh mate there to lighten the fucking mood!

I'm with you op! Me and my entire family are shy and awkward around strangers, so although if I know the person I would be fine the others would not and would definitely make their Christmas awkward.
Unfortunately can't uninvite so perhaps just ask to turn up later than you dsis?

OP you should do whatever you want. Your DH clearly does exactly what he wants without thinking about you, so you are entitled to do the same.
Your not-so-DH called you a bitch for not automatically saying 'yes, sir' when he decided unilaterally to invite an extra guest that you do not even know very well.

If I had a crystal ball, I would predict that your DH will spend all of Xmas day 'looking after' his mate - i.e. drinking with him, hogging the TV, not doing anything in the kitchen - leaving you to look after everybody else and do all the cooking and cleaning. Sounds like a great excuse for him to do nothing all day.
Whatever happens, calling you a bitch is not acceptable and needs to be sorted out.

If I knew that one of my colleagues are spending their Christmas on their own, I would be inviting them too. Would expect DH to do the same.
OP, if you asking about the principle, you are very BU. Nobody should be alone at Christmas. If you don't like the particular person, it's a different story but you shouldn't drip-feed.

It's not melodramatic in the least to say it would be a horrible Christmas if others joined.

You seem determined REALLY determined to make the OP out to be completely unreasonable here.

Whether you think it would make Christmas unenjoyable or not is NOT THE POINT. You do what you like for Christmas, invite as many randomers as you fancy. The OP has said it won't make for an enjoyable Christmas for her SIL and so the OP won't enjoy it either. She is allowed to feel how she feels, you don't have the right to tell her that HER OWN FEELINGS are unreasonable, and should be secondary to some random friend of her DH.

Your sis and Bil sound a joy! I think you need dh mate there to lighten the fucking mood!

With that attitude, nobody is going to find you lighten any mood.

Agree with Talkin. I haven't read the whole of this thread as the comments are awful. If it was me I wouldn't cancel the invite as you will feel awful. Your husband needs to be told for next year though. The person doing the work has the final say. My friend always says she never had a nice Xmas day as a child because her parents would always invite randoms who were on their own. She always says they had a rubbish Xmas day to give others a nice time. I always remember this. I think Xmas day is for family. If I was on my own I wouldn't like to be thought of as a charity case anyway. I would be quite happy sitting at home watching films and drinking Baileys, but that's just me. Some real holier than thou types on here today.

you don't have the right to tell her that HER OWN FEELINGS are unreasonable

oh I'm sorry I didn't realise only people who think that she's is not being unreasonable were allowed to post here, my bad.

I have not RTFT but I can;t imagine a situation where I would be even remotely upset about an extra person/people being invited to Xmas at our house. Very much the more the merrier. My DH has invited people for Xmas without even telling me (he doesn't have to ask me, it's his house too), and we've had the kids' stray lonely foreign friends, other people's kids/partners/cousins/friends just turn up unannounced, because DH had just issued vague and general invites to whole groups (which is his general style!)

But (and I appreciate it is a huge but) my DH does all the cooking on Xmas (he loves doing it, does not get stressed by it: "it's just f-ing dinner!" and there is always too much). So I am probably in a different situation from many.

Oh get over yourself Trinity.

TalkinBoutWhat

umm ok?

As long as the dh is doing the hosting for the friend then fare enough.
Although, Christmas day is for families, I couldn't have anyone else, especially an ocassional mate.

Some of the posts on here have been very unpleasant, calling the OP a bitch is completely out of order. People go out of their way to be b••••• abusive on AIBU.

I can;t imagine a situation where I would be even remotely upset about an extra person/people being invited to Xmas at our house. Very much the more the merrier

Really? You don't have much of an imagination do you?