In not wanting to be a feminist

[tireddotcom72]

I know I’m not alone as have had this conversation with friends but does anyone else feel PC stuff is just going too far now. The gender stuff is confusing me - I’m female always have been always will be and perfectly happy that way I don’t want to identify whatever that means with anything else and change my mind or whatever the gender fluid thing is ( that really confuses me) I’m mum to a daughter - who when younger was a pink, princess, Barbie loving frilly dress wearing child. I loved her wearing pretty dresses and wanting pretty hair. I’ve always worked in female dominated jobs - through choice no one forced me from being little I wanted to be cabin crew, my parents would have preferred me to be a solicitor, accountant or doctor like my siblings but supported my decision to go into the beauty industry because that’s what I was happy doing.
When I was younger I was whistled at in the street, had my bum pinched in nightclubs etc I wasn’t offended or outraged.

I don’t want to live in a genderless world, I don’t want my teenage daughter being in gender neutral changing rooms, I don’t even like being referred to as someone’s partner I’m quite happy being called his girlfriend.

I don’t want to offend anyone with my probably old fashioned views - I’m not even old! But I’m getting fed up of constantly hearing and reading about what I should think and believe, i mean the latest fuss about Sleeping beauty ..... what will pc brigade want to ban next?

Gender pay gap. Sexual harassment. Domestic violence and rape with poor conviction rates. FGM. Human trafficking and prostitution. Forced marriages. Allowing small children to play with dolls of their choice is not really a feminist issue tbh. I’m really pleased for you that you appreciate and enjoy men touching you without your implied permission, but I don’t. I certainly won’t be raising my daughters to believe they should be grateful for whatever male attention they get and to meet it with a tinkly little laugh.

The gender gap is not a fucking myth.

I have no children and have never taken time out. All the women I work with are similar (those with children took 6 months out max) to me and NONE of them is paid as much as men in similar roles. Men are valued more than women because men have the power and their bias is to look after their own.

You make me quite sick.

I was going to write this big long post about how you don't actually know what feminism is, you can still be ''girly'' etc etc.. but you are obviously a goady fucker so I can't be arsed. Plus everyone else has said it, and better than I could.

Most feminists ime would be opposed to "gender neutral changing rooms",
No one is trying to ban pink, or dolls.
YABU to oppose something that benefits you, and your family, without even informing yourself what it means.

@tireddotcom72 in this thread of, what 100 or so messages, a good 80-90% of people are saying you do not have the correct definition or understanding of feminism.

Does that not sound odd to you? Do you think there is some covert plot to indoctrinate you by a gang of militant fun-killers; or (more likely), do you consider there could actually be something in it? i.e, that just maybe you HAVE misunderstood it? There is no shame to admitting an error in understanding. We all had our eyes opened at some point.

the right to be paid equally in the same job?

Every job I have done since leaving uni - overseas resort rep / retail management / cabin crew / teaching I have been paid exactly the same as men, had exactly the same opportunities. Can’t compare my role in the beauty industry as I was self employed and don’t know any men who do that job.

Op, you started off by saying your parents wanted you to do something like law, but supported your decision to go into the beauty industry as that is what made you happy. Then you talk about being at uni and teaching history and literacy. So I don't think you're being very honest. And you are confused between feminism and feminine, different things and not mutually exclusive.

I'm with you OP. I support feminism, I'm against the wage gap and the patriarchy in general, but given all that the word feminist has come to mean (including all of you here saying what amounts to 'you must be a feminist because you're a woman despite the fact that feminism is supposed to be about choice') I don't identify as a feminist. Flame me.

To be fair to you, I'm not a feminist by the standards of many MNetters.

I'm not a feminist by UK standards at all.

I of course believe in equality and women's rights. But feminism by these folk?... nope.

Underslung - so you don’t agree with equality of the sexes? Why would you welcome being treated as a second class citizen? I’m not sure I understand

What has the word feminist come to mean?

I get what you're saying, OP.
I'm a "feminist" by the dictionary definition - in that I believe that women and men are equal. And I think there are some really serious shortcomings in our society where women get a really raw deal. There are also some areas where we get a pretty good deal.
But I'm so fucking tired of the professionally offended crying over every pink thing sold in the shops, or overanalysing anything a public figure says about women in case there's a way to interpret is as derogatory, or suspecting that every man who stops them to ask for directions is some kind of pervert. (Yes, those exaggerations are probably unhelpful, I know.)
It seems kind of self-defeating that in the fight for gender equality everything has to be viewed through the lens of gender. I just want to be able to dress how I want, do the kind of job I want (I'm also in a stereotypical 'female' job of the sort that always seems to get derided by feminists in a thinly veiled "Why are women consigned to this crap job? Who would seriously choose this?!" kind of way), and go to the places I want without it all having to be some kind of political statement. But everything gets picked to pieces these days by a small but vocal subset of feminists, so that you can't help but become a pawn in their debate, whatever choices you make.
I believe in equality, but I'd love to be free to express that belief in the ways that I choose without an army of feminists telling me how rubbish I am.

I really hope you're not a teacher. You don't seem particularly bright.

what vladamirspoutine said.

I believe in women's rights. ... in fact in my line of work I fight for them...

But I'm not a feminist by the bizarre Mumsnet standards.

Lmfao! Do you not believe you should be treated equal and equitably to men?!

Anotherdunroamin thank you that’s exactly where I’m coming from of course men and women are equal we are all human beings

Some are just hairier than others. Men and women I mean.

Why would you not be on your own side? YABU

The pay gap is also because women aren't as forceful about asking for payrises.

My mate asked for a 19k payrise after ONE year on the job and got a 9k one. I have never asked for any payrises.

Because women are taught to be "modest".

I grew up in a proper academic family where all the women are super smart at the top of their game, and I know I get paid the same as my BF because we are in the same job. But my gran still rings me asking things like "Do you iron BF's shirts?! Why not?! But it's womens work!"

Good grief! Are posters still falling for this crap? Seriously? 😒

@WildBlue
Of course it’s a choice, it takes 2 people to conceive a child & men are just as capable of being stay at home dads. How many economists think the ‘pay gap’ is down to employers paying women less than men for the same role?
@loveka I noticed you said ‘similar’ not ‘same’ if they’re being paid more for the same role you have every right to bring a grievance for discrimination.

Some are just hairier than others. Men and women I mean.

I wouldn’t want a man removing that hair either!

You would get on well with my female colleagues who feel so sorry for the poor men whose nasty wives divorce them for NO REASON at all and take all their money or all those poor men who are falsely accused of rape, how awful I mean that's so common isn't it? Happens all the time

Well DayKay

"What has the word feminist come to mean?"

Feminist, interchangeable with "man-hater" "butch" "ugly" "frigid" "bitter" "lesbian" "millitant"

I am a feminist and am non of the above. Time to reclaim the F word.