In not wanting to be a feminist

[tireddotcom72]

I know I’m not alone as have had this conversation with friends but does anyone else feel PC stuff is just going too far now. The gender stuff is confusing me - I’m female always have been always will be and perfectly happy that way I don’t want to identify whatever that means with anything else and change my mind or whatever the gender fluid thing is ( that really confuses me) I’m mum to a daughter - who when younger was a pink, princess, Barbie loving frilly dress wearing child. I loved her wearing pretty dresses and wanting pretty hair. I’ve always worked in female dominated jobs - through choice no one forced me from being little I wanted to be cabin crew, my parents would have preferred me to be a solicitor, accountant or doctor like my siblings but supported my decision to go into the beauty industry because that’s what I was happy doing.
When I was younger I was whistled at in the street, had my bum pinched in nightclubs etc I wasn’t offended or outraged.

I don’t want to live in a genderless world, I don’t want my teenage daughter being in gender neutral changing rooms, I don’t even like being referred to as someone’s partner I’m quite happy being called his girlfriend.

I don’t want to offend anyone with my probably old fashioned views - I’m not even old! But I’m getting fed up of constantly hearing and reading about what I should think and believe, i mean the latest fuss about Sleeping beauty ..... what will pc brigade want to ban next?

Ahhhh do you not think when someone comes on saying "I'm not a feminist because I associate it with a load of stuff that it isn't" we'd all do better to be a bit more welcoming and help people realise that they are actually feminists than putting them off further by being snippy to them?

I think you're buying into the shit that surrounds the F word.

Do you think you should be paid at the same rate as a man for doing the same (or equivalent) work?
Do you feel that you are not as important as a man because you are female? By extension, is your daughter inferior to a boy?

If you believe you are of equal importance, and that you and your daughter should have equal treatment socially, economically and legally, then, like it or not, you are a feminist.

It's not a dirty word (though misandry muddies it). If you are not a feminist, then why do you feel you and your daughter are of less worth than a man/boy?

Feminism has achieved lots of really important things for society.

You have the right to vote.

You are not a possession- A man is not allowed to rape his wife.

There's still a long way to go. We live in a world where 'upskirting' is a thing. The internet has put pornography on speed (strangulation fantasies etc). Newspapers compare the legs of female politicians on the front page.

You might not have minded having your bottom pinched but please aim higher for your daughter.

Feminism is different things to different people. You are reasonable in not being the type you describe but there are other types you may identify with

I think you’ve misunderstood what feminism is.

I’ve met a depressing number of women who think like you. It’s infuriating.

Do you want to be treated equally to men? Yes? Ok great you’re a feminist. The rest of your post is a jumble of different issues!

I don't think you know what feminism is.

How can anyone say they don't want to be treated as equally as other genders?

I'm with you OP! Thank God someone finally voiced that they feel the same!

YABU. Not for not wanting to be a feminist, but in having an opinion about something you plainly know nothing about.

I really don’t think you understand what feminism means.

YABU
I really thought this was a wind up reading this....
You don't sound old fashioned - you sound very, very young

You have a daughter, and you don’t want her to be treated as an equal to men. How super for her.

Yanbu to not want to label yourself a feminist. That is a choice.

However, yabu on a few of your points. Just because you had no issues with being pinched and groped, doesn’t mean many others feel the same. It’s a slippery slope, the road of inappropriate touching, and no woman should be touched without consent, our bodies aren’t play-things for some drunk ‘lad’ on a night out. There’s also no such thing as ‘the pc brigade’, most of the changes considered ‘being pc’ is actually society becoming more aware and accepting of ‘it’s not ok to be racist/homophobic/misogynisc’.

Yes, there are a few extremists out there, but generally people know what’s ok and what’s not. Such as - it’s absolutely fine for girls to like ‘stereotypical’ things such as pink stuff, makeup, dancing etc. It’s not ok to make a big deal about it, either ‘oh but girls need dolls’, or the other side ‘we have decided Mary won’t have any pink ever, it might ‘turn’ her girly’. Same as it’s not ok to suggest any boys that are into these things aren’t ‘proper boys’ - objects don’t have gender, no need to slot boys and girls into different factions based on stereotypical likes/dislikes.

No one is stopping you calling yourself someone’s ‘girlfriend’, that just sounds like some Faily Maily scaremongering!

I agree. You do sound very young. Have you read much about what feminism is? Do you really want to live in a world where you have few rights? It's not about wearing pink...

YANBU. agree whole heartedly

don't worry OP I don't think there is any danger of you becoming a feminist any time soon

as long as you're happy for random men to pinch your daughters bum and teach her not to be offended hey !

YNBU. I like staying at home, cooking for my husband. We all have the same surname too.

There is just so much wrong with what you are saying.

Feminists want women to be equal to men. What’s wrong with that?

Pink? Wear it, don’t wear it, who cares? But don’t expect ONLY girls to like it, or ONLY girls to wear it - boys can too.

Do whatever job you want. Unless your job NEEDS a penis or vulva, in which case, do which ever job you want any with the parts you’ve got (although I have to say, I’m confused by you saying you are in the beauty industry, when I thought you were a primary school teacher?)

I’m surprised you at happy with sexual assault though, especially as you have a teenage daughter.

Cabin crew is the beauty industry??!!

Do what you want, love. Just don’t force your ideas on me, thanks very much.

Caitlin Moran put it "Have a vagina? Want to be in charge of it? Then you're a feminist". Maybe a little simplistic but

It’s very simplistic, to me anyway. It’s a label, despite what most feminist think. Being born female doesn’t automatically make you one, neither does agreeing with wanting equality between women and men, stopping injustice against us purely because we were born with vaginas. It’s a very aggressive, and even anti-feminist to declare to a woman ‘well you are one of you believe x,y and z like us!’, or sneering and saying ‘oh I guess you just want to live in a patriarchal society’ whenever a woman says she doesn’t label herself as such. I thought the whole point was that women shouldn’t be told who or what they are by certain groups in society?

So you don't agree in equality?

You believe men should hold the power, get paid more than women, dominate women?

Feminism has nothing to do with being 'gender fluid' or trans or anything like that. It is about women being as valid as men in society.

If you want to be a second class citizen then please do tell me why you would want that?

Plenty of feminists disagree with CM's assertion.

I sort of get you OP. I 100% am with the idea of feminism.

HOWEVER

What I see in real life is:
-women saying all men are rapists
-women having a go at men
-women moaning about how their husband does no chores, how they have a "mental load", how they're sick of finding socks on the floor when this is LITERALLY SOMETHING YOU CAN TALK TO HIM ABOUT. He's as responsible for not having the mental load as you are when you decided to take it on!
-women having a go at someone like OP saying she must be thick

Sorry, I don't want to associate with that.

Also, we identify with causes personal to us - and seeing as I've never been groped in a nightclub, never been talked over in a meeting by a man, never felt held back in my life, never been scared walking through alleyways at 3am and get paid the same/more as my male friends for similar jobs - I would prefer to spend my energy campaigning & raising awareness for other things. Usually things that make womens lives way worse than in UK - war in Syria, globalisation, environment. I think women working 20 hour days in sweatshops women literally being bombed to death deserves our attention more than someone's "mental load" which they have yet to discuss with their actual husband, the only person who could take it off them.

You seem very confused.

Or.....

had my bum pinched in nightclubs etc I wasn’t offended or outraged

Sigh. I actually don't think women will ever have equal rights. Can you think of any other repressed groups where people actually say they want to be oppressed? Would people of colour or people with disabilities be proud of saying that in fact they actually ARE less important? I hope not....

Yet, it seems to be the trend for women (who have had ALL of the privileges and opportunities that their predecessors fought so hard for) to proudly proclaim that they are not a feminist because they are 'girly girls' or whatever. It really is baffling.

Yabu