To wonder how SAHM/Home makers keep their shit together?

[Emlou07]

Now I know I probably am being unreasonable, as I know I’m very lucky to be in a position where I am able to be at home with my children while my other half works. But 4 years in and I STILL haven’t worked out how to keep the kids happy, the house tidy, the washing done and everything else in order!

I am no domestic goddess and I’m starting to wonder if those who do it effortlessly are in to black magic or something! 🤔

BTW that was NOT a claim that SAHPs have it harder in general, only an answer to the question as to why "having your shit together" with regard to housework MIGHT be an additional challenge for them.

I am generally a neat and tidy person, but since having my second child that has pretty much gone out the window. It was easy with one small child to keep the house tidy; now I have three at home with me all day my house is a terrible mess and it gets to me. But whenever I tidy the house is messy again in about 10 minutes.

If anyone has brilliant methods for teaching small children to tidy up after themselves please please share.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood - I honestly don’t know how people can be so messy. I look at some of my collagues desks and think WTF...and don’t get me started on their inboxes! My best advice is to deal with things as you go along...if you leave it, it just gets bigger and bigger. That’s the same for houses and inboxes!!!

Thank you Bunsy. My problem is I am exactly like your colleagues and don’t understand how to be tidy ! Will try to deal with things as I go a bit more.

I applaud anyone, father or mother , who looks after children at home. It is a bloody thankless task...yes it can be wonderfully rewarding but it can also be utterly soul destroying and I make no apologies for saying that. I stayed at home with lactose intolerant infant ,breastfeedingand eating cheese for Zthe calcium dont you know, until I was almost suicidal...I hired a nanny and went back to work..I just wasn't cut out for mothering and have felt guilty ever since but I now know that it was the best thing for me. Mothers shouldn't be criticized for their choices and how you cope with the multitudes of tasks that come with partnerships, marriages etc should not be judged by anyone.
Thankfully my children are now grown and still love me...and are terribly successful...I think kids do well if you just let them grow, and don't give a stuff about dust!!

I've not rtft but I would recommend the organised mum method. If you Google it you'll find her Facebook page or blog. She's an advocate of setting a timer for 30 mins a day and blitzing a room/problem area on a rota. I'm about a month in now and seeing big improvements. Before that I felt I was drowning under the sea of clutter! Once I started putting more effort in the kids noticed and also take more pride in keeping their rooms tidy etc. It's been win win for me.

I home school three of my four kids, while the eldest is at college, and while I have accumulated ten million tons of crap over the years, I keep a pretty clean house, it can be MESSY, but not dirty lol. But I put the music on, get the kids to work, and we make it fun. Its great! I use the clean up as a lesson lol. x
We live in a small 2 bed house with six of us, so me and husband have a pull out bed in the front room :-) so while our house isn't massive to clean, we have so much stuff, with zero storage! I have learned to be pretty good at hiding it all lol. x
Have to hand it to him though, I also have a very good husband who despite working his ass off in the R.A.F. he also loves to help me so we can sit down together at the end of the day when the kids are in bed. He says I work just as hard as he does by having all the kids, so he should do his share...bless his cottons. x

I'm a SAHM now. My house is always a mess. I have one child at school and a toddler at home with me. I try to prioritise. I play and have fun with my toddler. There are always clean clothes, food on the table and a clean kitchen and bathroom (not always tidy). I went back to work after 9 months with my first and it broke my heart. I'm lucky I have an opportunity to SAH with my second and I don't want to miss a thing. He'll be a preschool next year and then maybe my house will be tidy but until then I'm going to enjoy the mess and chaos and endless cuddles and giggles. You have to lower your standards and accept little humans are messy

I remember that before I had children my friend told me that having children was a great excuse for having a messy house! Well, no thank you, I don't want a messy house or an excuse for one! You can 'keep it all together' (work, run a house, look after kids) if you are just organised and plan a little and don't spend every evening on the sofa, it's not that hard. I now realise my friend just wanted an excuse to be lazy and kids gave her that excuse. But if you want a messy house or chaotic life then go for it, each to their own. But it's something that I would hate.

4 years of being a SAHM? Boo hoo! Try adding a full-time job into the mix and a husband who teaches (and therefore works ridiculous hours and absolutely does all can that he can domestically, but actually does not have the time to do much)....and then tell me you don't have time to keep on top of the housework! My house may not be dusted quite as often as it was when I was on full-time maternity leave, but it is never untidy and the laundry/ironing get done like clockwork. Like they say, when you want something done, ask a busy woman!

Show me a mother who tells themselves that they prioritise playing with their kids over doing housework, and I'll show you a husband who wonders WTF she does all day and why is their house such a shithole. You can actually have quality time with your kids AND maintain a reasonable standard of cleanliness at home.

raqs Parenthood is a hard thing to adjust to whether you work or not! You can't "Boo hoo" other people for struggling!

I am totally chaotic at the moment- FTM and she's only 11 weeks so I'm gradually adjusting, but right now I have a kitchen full of dirty dishes and a mountain of washing to do!

Throw a husband with a cold into the mix and I am fighting a losing battle here... but we're all happy! And clean and fed.

But the days when it does get too much, the last thing you need is everyone telling you that they can do it and they work full time and they haven't got any dust bunnies under the sofa!

Some people's shit is not together! I am in that category... but I don't feel guilty or like I'm failing. I'm doing my own motherhood dance, it just happens to be a bit out of time and I get a few of the moves wrong. Ok, a lot of the moves wrong. It's interpretive rather than ballet...

As well as the everyday things like meal preparations, loading dishwasher, general tidying up etc. that you have to keep on top of daily, I try to do one extra bigger household job each day or, at least several times a week, like mowing the lawn, putting stuff in the loft, doing a weekly shop, wrapping Xmas presents, bulk cooking etc. However, I live alone now so it's just my own mess now but I'm slowing down while waiting for a knee replacement so can't let things get out of control as I'll be able to do less after the op for a while!

Read the thread much Raqs?

Isn't it funny that Raqs main concern is what husbands think their wives do, not what is best for the children (sahm - not sahW) or what the sahp is actually doing?

I work now and I used to be a sahm. It's is not logically possible that anyone who hasn't developed a way around the concept of time is doing the job of a sahp and working a full time job. Someone else is most definitely doing the diverse role of nurturing and raising the child during those extra 40+ hours which they wouldn't be if you were a sahm.

If your kids are all school age and old enough to be left, or if you work some part time hours around your partner - yes, then you are doing the same as a sahm plus working if you don't use after school clubs or grandmother/ other extended family help/ have a sahd.

The OP is about having at least one preschool child in your full time care - sole care most of their waking hours. Nobody works full time and does that.

If sahms jumped onto a thread with working mum's in the title to shout "boo boo" they'd be shot down.

Is it because child care is traditionally "women's work" and paid work stereotyped as "man's work" that some in paid work think respect is a one way street and sahms are fair game for a kicking?

@raqsmax

Throw in an OH who leaves at 5am and doesn't get home until 7pm 6 days a week. Gets home, he chooses to put the kids to bed so he actually sees them, has dinner, a shower then goes to bed himself. I get it.

So take your boo hoo and shove it. Or actually read the thread. Whatever, I don't even care. I'm fed up of justifying myself 😂

Make a list. One room cleaned, dusted etc each day. Bathroom and kitchen wiped, tidied every day. Etc etc. There are lists available on Pinterest. I never managed it. House always untidy but I know I could do it if I wanted to. But you are lucky. Keeping on top of it is much much harder when you have children and also work.

These threads always go this way. The OP posted asking for advice at being a SAHP / homemaker, but they always turn into a battle of who has it harder rather than helpful tips. Some very helpful posts on here of course but it is depressing as people can’t even ask a question without being attacked.

Just wanted to say a hat tip to all you ladies. Whether you work inside or outside the home, have an immaculate house or a just about managing house, but keep everyone fed and watered and vaguely entertained. You’re all legends.

@bluejelly

👏🏻

@bluejelly

Not sure if that came out or not lol. But yes! I guess the bottom line is that long as everyone is fed, warm, dry, happy and loved.. what's a little mess between friends anyway?! X

Raqs

Funny that you are concerned with what the husband thinks 😂
Enough said about you and your opinions !

And if you are working full time exactly who is messing up your house ? It doesn’t get as messy with children and adults out the house all day !

Always some Idiot has to turn it into an us vs them thing ... how about working mums and sahm have it harder than men do most of the time and women are mommy tracked at work and still do the lion share of house keeping and childcare whilst working full time (been plenty of articles about that lately and when was the last time a man got aske dhow he juggles fatherhood and work !)You want to get pissy then get pissed at that not at who has it harder between groups of women !

I don't understand why people come on a thread clearly about being a SAHP just to tell everyone how easy being a SAHP must be.
When will people stop judging and belittling each other! I don't care if you work 23 hours a day, have an immaculate house, perfect well adjusted children and shit rainbows. Its not a competition about whose life is harder. Every single person probably have days where they struggle - just because someone else may have it "harder" it doesn't take away from what your struggles are or what you have to accomplish each day.
So OP, yes I get where you are coming from. I am a SAHP with a part time 10 hour a week evening job and honestly, I wish I knew the secret of keeping my shit together lol!
But clean as I go is my motto. I try and make sure I have set time in the day to give my DS 100% of my attention. The rest of the time is winging it - nursery rhymes whilst cleaning lol.
Good luck. And ignore the people on here who seem to think you should be wallowing in sheer joy for having it "so easy". You don't need that attitude in your life!

Rags Try adding a full-time job into the mix and a husband who teaches (and therefore works ridiculous hours and absolutely does all can that he can domestically, but actually does not have the time to do much) Boo Hoo to you!

I went back to work full time with a four month old and a 21 month old and had a DP who left home at 6am and came back around 8pm thanks to a long commute! You're not the only one who works full time AND has a DP/DH who works full time in a stressful job.

I'm currently a SAHM thanks to redundancy (now have a one year old and a two year old) and I can honestly say juggling being at home full time with two very young children in nappies, who constantly make a mess, doing all the housework/chores, trying to make sure I do interesting stuff with children aswell is MORE demanding than my stressful/long hours/middle management job! Yes chores and housework still need to be done when you work but if no one is at home from 7am until 7pm the house is a hell of a lot tidier, Monday to Friday at least!

Sorry if my post gets anyones back up (apart from Rags!) but I really can't stand the competitiveness of motherhood! I've been a working mum, I'm currently a SAHM trying to balance life in either role is really hard!

On the Full time mummy debates there are always posters shouting about sahm being insulting because they don't stay at home ALL day. Yet you are saying that working parents don't do the same because they aren't at home all day to make a mess. You can't have it both ways.