To wonder how SAHM/Home makers keep their shit together?

[Emlou07]

Now I know I probably am being unreasonable, as I know I’m very lucky to be in a position where I am able to be at home with my children while my other half works. But 4 years in and I STILL haven’t worked out how to keep the kids happy, the house tidy, the washing done and everything else in order!

I am no domestic goddess and I’m starting to wonder if those who do it effortlessly are in to black magic or something! 🤔

[BestZebbie]

I second eating breakfast standing up whilst doing dishwasher/laundry/kitchen wipe down in the mornings, whilst DC eat, then same again whilst cooking dinner.
Go out a lot.
Tidy one activity before getting out the next.
Pick up everything once a week/fortnight to thoroughly hoover throughout, then nothing gets entrenched lying around for longer than that.
Do admin in the evening before you sit down for the night and in naptime if the DC nap (but you can make lists on your phone etc during the day whilst sitting at the side in the park etc).

[Lovelylovelyladies]

Some people do it while working too so maybe ask them?

So if you and OH and all the DCs are at work who is chucking the toys everywhere?
Who made lunch and didn't wash up?
Who threw crumbs all over the living room floor?
Who missed to potty and got wee on the bathroom floor?
Who slept in your DCs bed?

I think you may have an extra family living in your home whilst your at work.

[Sarahh2014]

I tidy and clean as I go tend to blitz the downstairs within bout half hr then do upstairs later on depending on what im doing with ds.i do more thorough cleaning when he at nursery ( 2 days week)

[Evelynismyspyname]

Tippex some wise arse always has to jump on and say that.

If you and your kids are out of the house 8-10 hours per day you are not doing what a Sahm with children home full time is doing and working too - the cognitive dissonance required to believe that you are is astounding.

[weekfour]

Funnily enough, My house doesn’t get messy when I go on holiday either.
I think it’s the same phenomenon.

[mothergetslippy]

So Tippex, you are clearly one of these people.

Care to enlighten us how YOU do it?

We'd love to hear the your wise words.

[BadTasteFlump]

Probably irrelevant but I noticed when I was on extended maternity leave I would take all day to do one thing, ie, hoover the house or clean a bathroom. Probably because I didn't have anything planned some days so would faff around wasting time and taking ages over things.

When I went back to work I rediscovered my ability to tidy and clean the entire house in a couple of hours. I don't know why but it was definitely true for me.

[BadTasteFlump]

That was not a pop at SAHMs btw - just the way it worked in my case.

[RosyWelshcakes]

I used to look at it as a full time job so I set about the day the same way I would have if I was going out of the house to work. I just worked steadily throughout the day and got done what had to be done. If I was in an office I’d have been getting a pile of work done so it was the same at home - I got the work done. The house was always well kept and I really enjoyed doing it though that’s not to say there weren’t times when I got fed up.

[Someoneasdumbasthis]

when i was on mat leave i tidied / cleaned when they slept. DH helped when he got home. but it was never spotless. as they got older we had more rules about how many toys they could take out at a time and we implemented them helping set and clear the table etc.

however, I am at your opening gambit of being lucky to be able to stay at home. I work out of the home and I feel the lucky one!

[Gingercatbiscuits]

It is relentless and I find myself hovering in rooms too overwhelmed to work out what to do next! Picking up bits all day, mountains of washing, no one else does anything, no playroom, no storage I’ve taken to throwing things away when they aren’t looking

[BadTasteFlump]

however, I am confused at your opening gambit of being lucky to be able to stay at home

I must admit I cringed a bit reading that too. I have a couple of RL friends who don't work and have sometimes comment on 'knowing how lucky they are'. Which irks me because it assumes working mums (like me) are unlucky - ie only working because they have to, not that they could possibly want to. It's an old-fashioned view at best, which it would be nice to move on from imo....

[mumisnotmyname]

I had a cleaner once a week, I didn't live in an open plan house so the mess could be kept in one room. Then after a year I was lucky enough to be able to get back to work for three days so their mess was happening outside the home and someone else was cleaning it up. Sadly currently none of the above are true but at least they are older so they can tidy up after themselves a bit, they are also at school.

[DeleteOrDecay]

It is relentless and I find myself hovering in rooms too overwhelmed to work out what to do next!

This is me! I feel paralysed at times, it’s awful.

[RaindropsAndSparkles]

I used to have "tidy-up time". It happened before park, before tv, before doing something fun. I also had a plastic box downstairs and what didn't fit in had to be put away. Children having breakfast. Me doing dishwasher and wiping kitchen. Washing machine - in out dry put away daily. Bathroom. When they were in the bath - bath as they got dry. Beds made straight away while getting clothes, etc.

Not a show home but always passable. I have to admit I am very organised and a bit driven.

[ThursdayLastWeek]

Oh come on, let’s not jump on the OP because she feels lucky to be a SAHM.

[Spudlet]

I just trundle on through as we go, and try to turn a bit of a blind eye to muddy paw prints on the kitchen floor because I'd rather be out and having fun than mopping! And arts and crafts tend to happen at playgroup, mostly.

We haven't the space for a playroom but I do try and lob the toys in the general direction of the toy basket before we leave the house and get coats etc put away as soon as we get back - having a reasonably tidyish environment helps. A smaller house helps me with that because there's no room to leave things lying about, so we have to be organised. But it is relentless, especially when the laundry builds up.

[DumbledoresPensieve]

For me (SAHM with one 19m) old I try to have a blitz first thing every weekday. So immediately after breakfast when we've waved OH off to work, I always stick the dishwasher and washing machine on, wipe the kitchen sides, flick a duster round quickly if it needs it, bleach down the downstairs loo, quick wipe of taps and hoover main downstairs rooms. DS potters around with me or plays with toys. Only takes around 45 minutes to an hour and then we are set for the day to do whatever else we like. I'm normally done with housework for the day by 7:30am as we get up at 6. Anti-bac wipes are your friend for quick cleaning in kitchens and bathrooms (yes, I know they are bad for the environment, and no I don't flush them before anyone tells me off).

Downstairs is always clean, if not tidy once DS has got loads of toys out. I put toys away when he naps (and am starting to try to teach him to put one thing away before getting another out - that's not going so well 😂) Upstairs on the other hand gets done once a week excluding bathrooms which are done more regularly. Bedding is changed at weekends.

We're not a spotless house by any means and I don't prioritise housework over playtime or activities with my DS at all. But I do like things clean, it doesn't take long if you're organised and if you have time first thing then it's nice to get it done and out of the way.

I imagine it'll be much harder to do my quick morning clean up when I have more children or need to do a school run.

[ohdo]

‘Some people do it while working too so maybe ask them?’

^ 🙄 There’s always one. Came along a bit later in the thread than normal, too.

Anyway, OP, I think it’s a really interesting question. For me, having a clean and tidy house and generally having my shit together is a control thing which actually stems from the PND I sunk into after DC1 was born.

I do a wash load each day, tidy all the DC’s shite into the playroom at the end of the day and run the hoover round. Dishwasher goes on once a day in the evening. During the day I’m not fussed about a bit of chaos and mess; that’s life. But the core household tasks (washing, cleaning etc) are always done before I hit the sack and I go to bed with everything in order or I can’t sleep

[TheMamaYo]

@badtasteflump - It is the Parkinson's Law! A job will take as long as you have to do it in!

OP, one room a day a deeper clean, and a flash clean for the rest of it. As long as you and dc are having a good time though.. much more important than a 10/10 clean house!

[Luttrell]

Children tidy toys.

I do housework, which I prefer to games. Children play with each other.

That's about it. We don't make a lot of mess really.

[DumbledoresPensieve]

I should have also added to my post that my house is clean and (sometimes) tidy now and I can do my quick blitz in the mornings with relative ease. This is now that my DS is 19m. When he was 0-12 months my house was quite literally a shit tip! Hygiene basics done but that was about it. Trying to negotiate housework with a very high needs baby was just not happening!

[Zapdos]

A routine definitely helps.

So in the morning, I get up with the kids - set them up with Lego or whatever.
Boil the kettle. While it's boiling, fill the sink with water and empty the draining board and dishwasher.
Make tea. While it's brewing, quickly wash glasses from night before.
Make breakfast. While the kids are finishing theirs I load dirty things into dishwasher etc.

Go upstairs. Make beds, sort out DCs' clothes.
Have a shower while they wash/dress/use the loo.

Come down with a load of laundry, put it on.

Do school run.

Same every morning. Getting the dishwasher emptied and washing in first thing makes a massive difference.

I then WFH until pick up time.

Put dry laundry away when kids in bath (DH supervising bathtime).

Dishwasher on before bed.

[Smallpotatolove]

I have been a SAHM for nearly 5 years and I feel like I'm just about on top of it. If I don't do a job though even for one day then it all falls apart.
Never leave a room empty handed, washing and dishwasher on everyday. Hoover once husband is home (kids hate the hoover)
Clean up after dinner and make bottles for baby etc.
I never ever do house work in the evening once the kids are in bed.
I try and involve the kids in jobs, we quite often have several large vehicles helping to put the laundry away!

[happy2bhomely]

I've been a SAHM for a long, long time. I have 5dc in a 3 bed house. I have tried lots of systems and routines over the years. I've written lists and planned storage and organised chore charts.

I have realised that you have to just do it. All the time. A big tidy up does nothing but exhaust everyone and it's back to how it was within days. You have to steadily, consistently pick up. put away and wipe. Every time you move you do something else.

After my morning wee I clean the toilet.
After I brush my teeth I wipe the sink.
As I come downstairs I bring laundry.
As I wait for the kettle to boil I unload the dishwasher.
I put a wash on and hang it out as soon as it stops.
I unload the dishwasher as soon as it beeps.
Every time I go up or down the stairs I take something with me.
I make a cup of tea every night at 9. As the kettle boils I load the dishwasher, clear the sink and wipe the sides. I race to beat the kettle!
I sweep the kitchen almost every time I pass through.
I put toys back in the box every time I pass through.
I 'reset' the downstairs before I go up at night.
I clean the toilet after my bedtime wee.
I clean the sink after I brush my teeth at night.
It is constant. A series of tiny routines. If something comes up to throw you off routine, just pick right back up and carry on.

I have 3 of my dc at home all day every day because we home ed. Mess is being made all the time but they clean up after themselves mostly. The teens do their share. DH works long hours but I expect him to pick up after himself at the very least.

I think a timer is a huge help. If nothing else, do 15 minutes of decluttering a day.

My mental health suffers if my home is not clean and tidy. And then it becomes a cycle of depression and lack of motivation and then the house gets worse. I know I have to just do little and often to keep my head above water.