To wonder how SAHM/Home makers keep their shit together?

[Emlou07]

Now I know I probably am being unreasonable, as I know I’m very lucky to be in a position where I am able to be at home with my children while my other half works. But 4 years in and I STILL haven’t worked out how to keep the kids happy, the house tidy, the washing done and everything else in order!

I am no domestic goddess and I’m starting to wonder if those who do it effortlessly are in to black magic or something! 🤔

9 years into for me (4 kids) to be honest it took a good 5 years to settle into it. I had worked full time for 14 years before becoming a sahm. Once the oldest child was at school I had to stick to a stricter routine. It helped to be honest

When I was on mat leave I used to tell everyone how beinghome with a child is the hardest job in the world, but now that I’ve been back at work almost full time for a year, adding work to the mix is definitely more difficult! You have much less time to do the same tasks and you generally have to be more organised and there’s very little space left, my brain has never been so full! I’m fortunate that I only work 4 days, and really believe the more days you work, the harder it is.

However I absolutely agree that being a SAHM can be very difficult, more emotionally. There were points in my mat leave where I felt very drained and the humdrum of days can get very tedious. When you’re a WOHM you have less time to dwell so I think that makes it easier.

I have a cleaner for 10 hours a week which is great but it's still never-ending because you just notice other things - e.g. the wardrobes and drawers that need de-cluttering. I can't seem to crack how to get the kids to pick up after themselves. They all get in between 4 and 5 and it's chaos by 6. They are 14, 12, 10 and 8! I try and make an effort with dinner for DH, but the girls have gone vege so I always end up making about 3 versions of the same thing. This is the kind of thing I find tiring. Plus getting white dog fur off 4 uniforms every night. That takes about half an hour with the roller.

Okay, I'll bite. I usually stay away from these threads because I can't be bothered with SAHM v WOHM, all competing to demonstrate they have it harder. I don't expect men have these conversations

Surely it all depends on so many factors, such as number of children, age of children, ASN, working hours, how stressful the job is, size of house, whether you have a cleaner or not, working hours of your partner

But .............I was advised in all seriousness that once your youngest child is at school, you should get a dog as that's the only way you can justify staying at home. This advice was given by a group of SAHM who assumed I was also SAHM because I do the school run in jeans. As soon as they realised I work, the chat changed from "can't believe we pulled this off" to "hardest job in the world, never get to to go to toilet in peace". I still chuckle when I remember that conversation

I've also let myself go a bit since having children.My boys are 5 &9 and I am a single parent . I get get so tired,that most days I just want to sit and rest after the school run. But as there is usually stuff to do I get on with it,as well as walk the dog and do my part time job. Before the school pick up later I try to have half an hour nap. I still feel tired though.
Before kids I used to bath every few days and wash my hair twice a week but I don't get much chance to. I wash my hair once a week and just shower every few days. I haven't had a bath in a long time tbh.

I am a SAHM... my shit is not together!!!

I’m loving this thread! SAHM of DS and DD who share a room. We have no attic, no spare room, no utility room etc so there is always clean washing somewhere despite doing a minimum of 2 loads a day (husband has a full load of grubby work clothes every day which can’t be washed with anything else). I feel like I retidy my sitting room about twelve times a day. I tend to make todo lists to keep me motivated because in all honesty I preferred being a working mum when I only had one DC so finding motivation to tidy a house that will just be a mess again by the end of the day can be very hard some days. Some days I just leave it a mess and go for a coffee with my other mum friend down the road. Other days i’ll go help her do jobs at her house or she will come help do mine and my house just so we can chat while we do it. Some days I just about manage to get it together and have a tidy house. But the next day the kids will do something like tear paper up into tiny pieces and fling it around like snow and it’ll take so long To tidy that by the time I do that everything else I was supposed to do is behind and something else is a mess. 🤷‍♀️

Something I've noticed,and it bloody well annoys me. Being a parent is NOT A JOB!!!!!It is a responsibility. We don't get paid to be a parent,yes it is hard work at times but it is still not a job. Give me strength.

Hahaha honestly,

Amazes me how so many are proud to share and try to teach her how to do it !
I started sharing my responsibilities and having less responsibilities .... made my life so
Much easier and light

Do you really want to do all the house work and LOOK amazing everyday ! ? Lol ... sorry I am being sarcastic and laughing a lot

1. Some people are just more tidy and conscious of keeping a clean house than others
2. Some have more storage / are more organised
3. Having a bit of cash helps to pay a cleaner buy storage have a big enough house to have somewhere to put everything etc
4. Some people like having visitors constantly and therefore like/need tidy house

@mrjones1977

I have to disagree. It is a job. An unpaid job, but a full time job whether you stay at home all day or work full time.

Are you on your man period tonight? 🙄

So nanny's and child minders aren't doing a job?

Not sure how to reply,being asked if I'm on my man period damn made me laugh. I don't like people referring to parenthood as a job, mainly due to the fact that some parents (the school gate kind,we all know them) bang on about what a hard job it is being a parent. I don't see it as a job, I am Dad and all that encompasses.
Although I do fancy a got chocolate, so maybe a little man period.lol. Just no tampons up my bum please (and there goes the tone of the thread)

@mrjones1977

I’m glad you took that well 😂

I've also let myself go a bit since having children.My boys are 5 &9 and I am a single parent . I get get so tired,that most days I just want to sit and rest after the school run. But as there is usually stuff to do I get on with it,as well as walk the dog and do my part time job. Before the school pick up later I try to have half an hour nap. I still feel tired though.
Before kids I used to bath every few days and wash my hair twice a week but I don't get much chance to. I wash my hair once a week and just shower every few days. I haven't had a bath in a long time tbh.

That level of tiredness seems worrying to me..

It is a job in a sense, not employment obviously. It's work, just not paid work and it's contributing to society. It's a relationship too. Though it is not a job in the cringey sense where people put it on their cv - just no.

As I consider it a job I'd like to complain to HR that today I've had food thrown at me, I've been shouted at and ignored, and to top it off I've had a dirty bottom shoved on the leg of my just clean jeans after my subordinate leapt up at lightning speed when I got her nappy off and sat on my knee.

This toddler needs a disciplinary!

I write this sitting on the (ripped and ancient) sofa, gazing out at a sea of duplo, toy cars, musical instruments, clothes horses festooned with washing, etc. The house is a bloody mess. And pretty much always is.

DH and certainly the eldest of the three DSs is a bit of a hoarder. I think in an ideal world I would full-on Marie Kondo the shit out of this house, and that would make all the difference.

Three kids are 8,5 and 1. I work p/t but only a few hours a week (tutoring/proof-reading). No cleaner, no dishwasher, no tumble-dryer but we do have a spare room and a garden. I often despair of the house so after school run, take the baby to a playgroup/park/library with other mum friends, and don't see the house again until nearly 5pm. When it is still full of crap. I love playing with the kids so would rather do that than tidy/clean, but there is a tipping point for me, and when it all gets toooo messy, I don't even want to play, I just want to drink tea and read books with my back to the mess.

In my imaginary ideal world, I would:

• Deploy the KonMarie - clothes, toys, books, mugs, dvds - the whole lot.
• Have a baby who stayed in his cot all night so I could get up at 6am and do a bit of happily lonely housework with a cup of tea from 6-7am.
• Not give in when it gets messy!
• Get a fecking dishwasher. It would change my life, I know it would.
• Clean to loud music, wearing leg warmers, pretending I'm in a film. Yep.

Love the ideas above - the organised mum, fly lady, helping a friend to do jobs then her returning the favour.

I love being a SAHM, adore my boys to bits, I just want to throw out half the crap in my house, then get on with the fun stuff.

I have a neat and tidy desk at work and a neat and tidy home (yes, even when I was on maternity leave with a baby and a toddler). It’s just the way that I am. If things are not organised, I get very stressed. Some people are tidy people, some are messy people. Their houses reflect that. My SIL works far less hours than I do and her house is a shit tip. I found it much easier being a SAHM and was way more relaxed than I am now trying to combine a hugely stressful job with being a mum. That’s not a dig at SAHM’s. People need to understand that work can be more stressful than looking after kids...it depends on the job you do ....

What I want to know is how these naturally tidy people do it. And whether they have tidy children as PP have pondered.

People always just say ‘put things away as you go along’ but I try and fail to do that constantly. Plus my DC create mess and chaos everywhere so even if I tidy, mess is never far away .

Xpost BunsyGirl, any tidy secrets you would like to share please?

I have worried for years about how I keep my shit together (I don't ) as a 'work outside the home' Mum. Am I missing something or do SAHM have additional challenges?

Watching with interest as I definitely don't have my shit together!

I think it’s that if you are at home with young DC they are constantly trashing your house. It is constant and trying to tidy with children around can mean you tidy one room while they destroy another / scream / fight. As PP say, the more time children spend in your house the more meals they need and more mess they make (IME) .

That’s not to say that it is not difficult for WOHP of course.

Can I just say.. thank you all minus the perfect ones... for making me realise that I'm not just doing a bad job & that I'm not the only one without their shit together!

❤️❤️❤️

Preschoolers with a SAHP spend more time in the home than those who go to nursery or a childminder, so are more likely to make a mess in said home.*

SAHPs spend more time in said messy home, so are more likely to be adversely affected mentally by being there.

Based on my experience of a messy person who has been both a SAHM and a WOHM.

*Yes, I know nannies in the home is a thing too.