To wonder how SAHM/Home makers keep their shit together?

[Emlou07]

Now I know I probably am being unreasonable, as I know I’m very lucky to be in a position where I am able to be at home with my children while my other half works. But 4 years in and I STILL haven’t worked out how to keep the kids happy, the house tidy, the washing done and everything else in order!

I am no domestic goddess and I’m starting to wonder if those who do it effortlessly are in to black magic or something! 🤔

[Ivehadtonamechangeforthis]

No I'm not. Read my posts again.

I said the house is (was) a hell of a lot tidier when there was no one in it from 7am - 7pm.

If you read my posts again you will see I have worked full time and I am currently a SAHM and have found BOTH roles really difficult to balance!

This thread isn't meant to be a WOHM vs SAHM debate! I'm jumping off this thread now because I can't stand this game of trumps.

[DowneasterAlexa]

Sorry Ive that wasn't directed at you although I realise it sounded like that. Just a general observation.

[Lookingforadvice123]

To all those saying your house doesn’t get messy if you work and your kids are out of the house, I reiterate - my DS is looked after by his grandparents AT MY HOUSE. For nine hours a day, while I’m at work. I’m sure I don’t need to spell out the mess I come home to three of the four days I work.

But I wasn’t making this a WOH v SAH response, as I did give some advice to the OP learned from my own experience - most WOH mums have also had a spell of maternity leave (I was at home for over 10 months with DS) so believe it or not, we do have both perspectives.

I think we can all agree that the hardest situation to be in is a Mum who stays home all day with kids, then goes to work in the evenings when her kids are in bed. At least when SAH/ WOH in the daytime mums’ kids are in bed, we (mostly!) get a bit of downtime, whether to watch tv, catch up on chores, shower!

[DowneasterAlexa]

I have worried for years about how I keep my shit together (I don't ) as a 'work outside the home' Mum. Am I missing something or do SAHM have additional challenges?

Apparently some young children 'constantly trash' the house.

[Emlou07]

@DowneasterAlexa

There's no apparently about it!

[DowneasterAlexa]

For what it's worth, mine didn't.

[Emlou07]

@DowneasterAlexa

Then you're very very lucky

[debbs77]

Storage storage and more storage.

Single mum of six here. Tidy home. Storage

[LaurieMarlow]

some young children 'constantly trash' the house.

My 3 year old has just started this. It's horrific. I'm not a SAHM though so he doesn't get much of a chance during the week. Thankfully.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

Wipes for everything in every room. I’ve got bathroom wipes in both bathrooms, dusting wipes upstairs, kitchen wipes, floor wipes. Not eco at all but they are always to hand when I have 30secs to do a job.

Our house is a tip because my 2yo needs containing otherwise he’ll make more mess behind me! Will get better when he starts nursery, then I’ll break everything into weekly tasks and blitz while he’s out of the house!

[DowneasterAlexa]

What is the definition of 'trashing'? Yes, my children got toys out but they didn't deliberately damage or destroy the house.

[MissDuke]

Also wondering about this 'trashing'. Do you just mean getting toys out or worse? I wonder could you work on getting the kids to be a bit more helpful and less destructive? Or maybe you mean that chaos when they pull out every flipping toy they own at the same time?

I reckon you are doing a lot better than you think, who cares if your house isn't spotless, I bet your kids have loads of fun with you

Like a pp I am one of those who works part time but the kids are minded here so I come home to the mess, mine are pretty good and tidy when asked though (all school age now).

Don't give yourself a hard time - we are all trying our best, whether stay at home, working or whatever.

[MissDuke]

Oh and since we moved and got a playroom, life has been so much better!!!! It is just a conservatory, but oh my goodness has it made life better!

[TooStressyForMyOwnGood]

To me, trashing the house means getting loads of toys out, emptying drawers and cupboards, spilling food and drinks. Getting changed multiple times a day, getting whole drawers of clothes out when they get changed. Pulling books off bookshelves. Any of these can be accomplished pretty easily in the 5 minutes you are changing their younger sibling.

Some of that may be them actually thinking they are ‘helping’ .

Of course I’m not saying they do that all the time or that mine do that (and mine are older now anyway) but there are plenty of options for destruction. Let alone behavioural issues such as drawing on walls (constantly confiscate pens. It older siblings may get them out).

[TooStressyForMyOwnGood]

I suspect the OP (and I!) posted in the hope of tips to get the kids more helpful and less destructive but instead got flamed for having it ‘easy’ as a SAHM.

[InDubiousBattle]

My kids don't trash our house but they do make mess. They're 2 and 3 so can have a good go at tidying but I have to supervise it. As I said in my previous postl my friends who work ft just do not have the same amount of housework to deal with. My friend who's dc is in nursery buys a bunch of bananas, a pack of crumpets and a pack if yogurts a week for her ds because he has all of his meals at nursery. I make practically all if my dc's food so can you at least see that there is more shopping and cooking?

Honestly, I find this ' I do everything you do and work ft' as baffling as it is annoying.

Op, I have a clean and (mostly!)tidy home. Things that really help are:
-lots and lots of storage

• everything has a place
  

-my dc still nap some days

• I don't procrastinate when it comes to cleaning
  
• it means a great deal to me that the house is nice so I don't object to it taking up some of my time
  
• I have a big porch and a play room!

[Ledkr]

My mantra (after having cancer years ago) is you won't remember a clean house on your deathbed but the things you did instead

[DowneasterAlexa]

Well, my tips would be -

All food and drink consumed sitting at the table / in a high chair

If they are old enough to get it out, then they are old enough to put it away.

All art / drawing supervised at the table.

No clothes changed except for dressing up.

Each person has their own laundry basket - do one persons washing a day. If it's not dirty, wear it again. Fewer clothes means the washing can't pile up.

Fewer toys. Less access to toys if they just tip the lot out.

Have small children in the same room as you so they are not creating chaos as you tidy somewhere else.

The more regularly you clean, the quicker it is to do it. Routine helps.

Don't iron.

Set a time limit to complete a task.

Sorry if any of this has already been said.

[TooStressyForMyOwnGood]

Thanks, I try most of them but have given up at the multiple outfit changes.

[sayhellotothelittlefella]

I'm a SAHM and never mind keeping 'my shit' together I don't even know where 'my shit' has gone

[ohhelpohnoitsa]

You all need a bit of Marie Kondo in your lives. Try it, it makes life easier after the initial VERY HARD and messy sort out.

[GrouchyKiwi]

I love Kondo. I'd also love the time to do it. I last did it three years ago.

[thehairyhog]

'Wipes for everything in every room. I’ve got bathroom wipes in both bathrooms, dusting wipes upstairs, kitchen wipes, floor wipes. Not eco at all but they are always to hand when I have 30secs to do a job.'

This is depressing. Not 'eco' at all, but will tell everyone else to do it too

[YoloSwaggins]

I live abroad and there's a word which doesn't translate into English very well, for the work a parent does in nurturing and "raising" their children - it's the same word used instead of the word teacher for qualified early years (3-7 year old here) teachers.

воспитатьльница?

[YoloSwaggins]

*воспитательница even