Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

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I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

I'd be going through the tablet - that's for sure.
Sorry you are going through this.
I can't think of any reasonable explanation though either.
I hope he's honest with you.
You say he moved in with you.
Does that mean he can easily move out and you can cope without him financially?
Get snooping - the more 'proof' you have the better.

Oh and it was all the stuff on my ExP iPad that made me realise what a porn addicited, cheating, lying shit he was.
I might not have known otherwise.

I'd be putting the kettle on a getting stuck into that tablet op.

You need to check for more evidence to back up your suspicions before you confront him or he will talk his way out of it.

I’d definitely be using today to see if I could find anything else. In his drawers, laptop, anything.

Many people are good at telling bare faced lies & many people are crap at detecting that.

Use this opportunity to put your mind at rest or uncover the truth. No matter what he says you’ll be unsure if you don’t gave a look around now. Don’t give him the opportunity to hide stuff.

He doesn’t keep his phone on him 24/7, you know his passwords etc, so it sounds like it could be something innocent. On the other hand, second phones are usually used for affairs...(hidden in sports gear, cars etc).

I don't get the issue people have with OP doing a washing load, especially as she said that he is equally as likely to do so. Does everyone who lives with a partner but has a moral objection to including their partners clothes in a wash do separate loads? Do you go through the basket, take out the items that have been worn by them & just put yours on? What if the load isn't full - do you, on principle, leave it half full and wait for the other person to put their load on? I'm very baffled & would love to know how this works!

If this happened I would be really confused as to why (with an equal amount of effort as putting them in the machine) my clothes had been separated out and left aside by whomever put the wash on!

I've never been through my DH's stuff in 23 years of our relationship (other than putting things away for him which he knows I do), but this is one occasion I'd certainly do it OP - you're got access to his tablet, and to be honest I'd be looking in other pockets, at recent receipts. You may not find anything which may help if he comes up with a good explanation, but at the same time if you find anything you're going to know and he won't have had time to cover his tracks which he'd certainly do if he thought you were on to him.

Pfft. If there is a time when snooping is justified, this is it, OP.

Feeling for you right now...
What a horrible discovery. i admire your strength by not snooping through his things .It shows that you value trust and him ! so i would hope your boyfriend is not doing anything to make you loose that trust.
I would ask your boyfriend, and only your gut will know what to do next.

Just ask him when he gets home - watch his reaction carefully

I'm 100% sure that the jeans are not an old pair that he hasn't worn in ages. Although I don't know when exactly they were worn, I'm sure it must have been recently.

I've got so many thought running through my head. Part of me feels like I'm massively overreacting but the other part of me thinks there can only be one explaination.

I hate this! I wish he was home now so I could talk to him

I’d definitely be going through his things in this situation OP. I bet any money that you find more condoms.

There is no reasonable explanation for this and you know it.

Tablet. Just go for it. Otherwise he will lie through his teeth.

Oh and you haven’t answered when PP asked if he had been on a night out recently?

I'm more shocked by some comments that jeans aren't washed for years! Really? I thought most people washed them once a week or so? Certainly DHs would be pretty smelly after a year .

OP I think you have to ask where he could possibly have the opportunity for another woman. You say he is at home every night. what about daytime? Is it the sort of job where he could stop off on the way home, or visit someone during the day?

OP you might not want to answer this but why are you at home and not work? He moved in with you? Is he paying his way?

If he’s just moved in he has probably rediscovered his lucky black jeans that he hasn’t worn for yonks.

The only night out in can think of recently was a couple weeks ago. He went out with his brother and some friends. I was supposed to go too but wasn't feeling well so stayed home. He was messaging me all night and was home by midnight.

Like I said, we usually go out together.

The only thing he does alone most of the time is surfing, but he doesn't do that often now because it gets dark too early when he works during the week.

I know Polly

Not exactly years but I know folk who get the vapours at the thought of a lovely expensive pair of indigo jeans being washed at anything above a cold wash after as many wears (brief going out on the evening wears mind) as possible!

Not so much faded light old work jeans of course.

Can kind of get it with expensive ones. It's like handwashing a silk shirt I suppose. They do fade easily!

Just ask him casually. Say something like "oh found this when I was doing the laundry. How come that was in your pocket?" You'll know by his body language and reaction if you have something to worry about.
I lived with my ex after a few months and it was ok for a year or so and then the spark died. I now think it's a lot better to wait at least 12-24 months to live with someone so you can enjoy the dating stage more

OP, be sensible.

You don't really know him after six months. Even if you've known him for longer. You just don't.

You've said that you're heavily invested here. Right - that is fine, and great, but for heaven's sake keep your wits about you. Check out that tablet.

He sounds great, hopefully all would be fine. But don't be one of those people who blinds themselves to anything but the stuff they want to see and hear. Go into things with your eyes open. Especially when you are busy putting your eggs into this basket. Check the basket isn't broken NOW, before any more of those eggs go in.

Common sense. I wager he would do the same.

Sorry but I would have a look incase he gets a chance to hide/delete anything after you confront him.

Do people do separate washing in their houses? Why bother? Ours all goes in one laundry basket and yes I go through pockets because isn’t that sensible? I don’t want washing full of dirty tissues or money.

This is the thing, he is home most nights with me, or we go out together.

He works as a labourer so leaves early but finishes around 4pm. I finish not long after him and he's usually home if he hasn't been surfing.

We also socialise together more often than not. We live in a small town so know the same people.

Unless he's meeting someone during the day when he says he's at work, I don't know when he would have the opportunity to cheat.

I'm home from work today as I have a few days annual leave that need using up.

He moved in with me and pays half of everything.

I don't condone snooping but in this instance I definitely would OP.

''A psychological study has debunked the idea that the direction of a speaker’s eyes indicate lying or telling the truth''
www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/myth-busted-looking-left-or-right-doesnt-indicate-if-youre-lying-1922058/

Its very difficult to tell if someone is lying; what we usually pick up on is that they are uncomfortable.

PollyPerky Wed 22-Nov-17 10:44:31
OP you might not want to answer this but why are you at home and not work?
How is that relevant, havent you heard of shift work or working from home?