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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
TacoFlavouredKisses · 22/11/2017 09:25

The pearl clutching over the unprotected sex and living together Grin

You need to speak to him OP.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/11/2017 09:26

You didn't know him when you moved him in.

Please don't tell me you have children?

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 09:26

I've just put the condom back in the jeans and put them back in the laundry basket.

I'm going to sort the washing in front of him when he gets home from work so I can see his reaction when I 'find' it.

I really want to speak to him now though! But I shouldn't ask him on the phone, should I?

OP posts:
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 09:27

No, neither of us have any children.

OP posts:
LaBelleSausage · 22/11/2017 09:28

If the expiration date has partially rubbed off, it's very likely to be more than 6 months old and I'd want to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I still think it's an old one he's found somewhere and pocketed.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/11/2017 09:28

I'm not clutching my pearls at all. I am rolling my eyes because literally every single day I see a post from a woman who has moved in with / got pregnant by / married a man they've known 2 minutes then find out that he wasn't prince charming after all

SandyDenny · 22/11/2017 09:29

I'm not clutching my pearls about the living together but you both do his washing and check all the pockets? [shocked]

He's taking you for a mug, does he not know that check the pockets?

SparklyMagpie · 22/11/2017 09:29

Get booked in for an STI test

Why on earth have you not been using condoms?!

Belleoftheball8 · 22/11/2017 09:31

I’m going against the grain you haven’t been together long, it simply could be a pair of jeans he hasn’t worn for along time and forgot it was in there. I’ve unearth all sorts from handbags that I haven’t used and decided to use again. Totally different if you been together for several years and found it but it could be entirely innocent. That been said you don’t really know someone to be living together after 6 month regardless if you knew them as a friend being in a relationship together is completely different.

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 22/11/2017 09:32

I met my DH and moved in with him within a month, fast forward 14 years and we are happier than ever. I don’t think moving in with him is an issue at all and everyone freaking out about it is ridiculous

purpleangel17 · 22/11/2017 09:32

When I found condoms in my now ex husband's wallet, it was because he had been visiting escorts and using NSA sites. Sorry.

DownTheChimney · 22/11/2017 09:33

Maybe he hasn't worn those jeans since before he was with you, and so it is an old one? Or it's been in the pocket and he doesn't check the pockets when he does his washing? like me

LaBelleSausage · 22/11/2017 09:36

@purpleangel17, that's sort of what I mean though.

Condoms in a wallet are normally intended to be used. But no one that I know of would keep a condom in their jeans that they plan to use as it's likely to get damaged there.

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 09:37

If they were a pair he hadn't worn for a long time, they wouldn't be in the laundry basket.

I'm really fighting the urge to go through his things.

He's not secretive with his phone - I know the passcode, he leaves it in the living room when he has a shower or goes for a run etc. He doesn't have a passcode on tablet. I've never had any reason to doubt him before now...

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TammySwansonTwo · 22/11/2017 09:38

I think it is possible, like I said, but Occam's razor and all that.

I'm not pearl clutching at all. I moved in with my DH very quickly (we had been friends for many years, and ended up together and living together much faster than I'd have planned but fortunately it worked out well). We also stopped using condoms early on - I have allergic reactions to most and was on the pill. We both got tested and stopped using them quickly. But I know we handled the situation responsibly, not everyone does, and I know there are risks (not everything can be detected with screening).

TammySwansonTwo · 22/11/2017 09:39

Could they have been a pair he hadn't worn in ages, then got them out for a night out and they now need washing? The fact that you do the washing and he didn't take it out of the pocket means he may not remember it's there, or he could just be an idiot.

DearMrDilkington · 22/11/2017 09:39

Have a nose on his tablet and see what you find. I think it's acceptable thing to do, after finding the condom.

Ttbb · 22/11/2017 09:39

I still find condoms for four or five years ago here and there, in suitcases, backs of drawers, handbags. If you go through my husband's pockets you can find a collection of receipts, unopened chocolates, coins, pens, notebooks and business cards as old as the jackets themselves. If this is the first time he has washed his jeans since getting together then it may just have been there for that long.

TammySwansonTwo · 22/11/2017 09:40

Maybe he's lost or gained weight so had to get out an old pair of jeans?

Again, I think the likely explanation is he's a cheating bastard but it's not the only explanation.

londonloves · 22/11/2017 09:41

Don’t feel stupid, it’s not your fault. How easily can you unravel things? Has he been on a night out without you recently? I.e. has he had an opportunity to cheat/go on the pull. Or could he be lying about when he’s working, is his work flexible at all?
He will come up with some bollocks for sure but you need to confront him and be ready to chuck him out.

SparklyMagpie · 22/11/2017 09:42

TacoFlavouredKisses I don't think anyone is pearl clutching?

What's so funny about unprotected sex?

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 09:42

As I've said, I don't always do his washing...if washing needs doing, one of us shoves a load in. He does just as much laundry as I do.

Surely a condom wrapper that had been in a pocket for ages would show signs of wear and tear? This one, other than a corner being ripped, looks brand new.

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VladmirsPoutine · 22/11/2017 09:45

Just ask him. No need to get worked up about it.
These things always have a way of revealing themselves in the end.

At 6-months in you should really still be on cloud 9, it doesn't bode well does it.

TacoFlavouredKisses · 22/11/2017 09:45

Sparkly - at absolutely no point has the OP said that they didn’t have STI checks prior to stopping using condoms or that she's not on hormonal contraception. And, frankly, it's not the point of the thread or any of our business. The funny is in the unnecessary pearl clutching, rather than in unprotected sex.

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 09:46

I don't think the jeans are an old pair that have been dug out.

His work isn't flexible, he gets picked up and dropped off by his work mate.

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