Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

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I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

If you asked him straight do you think he'd be honest?

Such a short relationship is not worth lying over if confronted surely. I don't mean to sound horrible, but at the 6 month point it's not as if either of you has invested much of anything yet.

No judging here about the moving in or the no condoms thing.

How old are you both OP?

If you’ve only been together 6 months you are being ridiculously cavalier to not be using condoms with him.

Seriously?! haha. I'd married DH within 6 months and we were pregnant with no 1!

Could be a promotion one. I'd ask him and reserve judgement based on his reaction.

It may be different for him but I'm very invested in our relationship.

I'm early 30's, he's late 20's.

If the corner is ripped on the packet, the other condom it was attached to will have been used.

Condoms packets come in strips.

I don't know if he'd be honest or not. Until I found the condom i'd never doubted him...now I'm not sure

Ah, yes smoke, that'll explain the rip.

I an usually the first to be suspicious but it could so easily be an old one. How often does he wash jeans? A lot of people don't wash after even a few wears unless actually dirty as they fade, especially black ones. So if he had worn those jeans a few times then finally put them in the wash then there you go. It also seems a bit odd - you say out of work would be the only time he'd wear the jeans and since you've been together you've gone out together. So finding a condom in his wallet or hidden somewhere or in work gear would be more suspicious.

You've been together six months, that's nothing. Just so easy for pre-relationship receipts, condoms, random stuff to still be hanging around forgotten about. Jeans pockets are tight and condoms flat- easy to get forgotten. So I don't know.

And, no pearl clutching but after six months you are sorting the laundry and emptying the pockets of the jeans he just chucked in the basket? Err, I'd advise you to knock that on the head!

Have a snoop and see if you find anything else.

that does explain the rip but could still be an old one.
whose choice was it to not use condoms together? yours or his?

I think you are being given a hard time here OP by some posters.

Come on you judgy pants lot! Some couples meet and marry in under 6 months. The OP isn't 16, she's early 30s. Who's to say they both didn't have STD checks at the start, or had been celibate for some time? Does happen. Not everyone is shagging everyone in sight.

Lots of assumptions here.

If I was in a committed relationship and living with someone, and used another form of contraception, I'd feel ok about not using condoms. It's about commitment, and sexual history, not how many months in to the relationship.

OP you have to ask him face to face.

If he was out on his own wearing the jeans, it looks odd, yes.

Did you ever use condoms with him? Is this one the same brand or different?

Op, what sort of jeans are they? Baggy or tight? If they're tight, wouldn't the condom outline be seen when he had them on?

Lots of nonsense here about the washing. Are some posters on Planet Earth? If you live as a couple, would you never make up a load in the washer and shove in someone's jeans lying in the laundry basket? it's not being some downtrodden skivvy- it's just putting the washing machine on.

OK, so you're not sure he'd be honest.

This speaks volumes more than the condom frankly.

When i say a short relationship hasn't got much invested in it i'm talking about tangled finances, kids, extended families feelings ect.

If at the 6 month point i found a condom and i'm not sure of an honest answer if i question him i'd be waiting with his bags packed when he walked in and the condom on the table. He'd have to work damn hard to convince me.

OP, you've had a hard time here about living together and not using condoms - I moved in with DP after 6 months- 4years and 2 kids later we are still together. We also stopped using condoms early on as we were both honest about our sexual history and recently had a full MOT.

It doesn't look good to be honest - I agree with pp I would check tablet after finding condom. Also, confront him face to face - you'll soon see from his reaction.

It doesn't look great but I wouldn't jump to conclusions. I certainly wouldn't use it as an excuse to go through his stuff for other 'clues'. Why don't you ask him why it's there? It may be that he just carries one around. The expiration date has almost worn off so it could very well be that it's been in his pocket for months (especially as they're jeans), possibly already had a trip through the wash. The best thing you can do is be honest, speak to him and tell him how it made you feel to find it there.

Ok fair point about the laundry - sorry, missed your last post!

It may be different for him but I'm very invested in our relationship.

I'm early 30's, he's late 20's.

Ok, prepared to be slightly flamed but being absolutely practical and with an eye to self-preservation, if you are already decidedly invested in this (and I can understand why given your age) and are living together this quickly (which is fine and may work perfectly well) - then I would advise you to snoop before speaking to him/confronting him.

I've been on here long enough to know that unfortunately the nicest seeming people cheat and the number of people shocked to the core at what they discover about their partners is incredible.

It's not nice to snoop. But if I were planning on investing my future in a person and I found something that raised suspicions, I would check it out. 100%. I simply wouldn't take the risk, especially regarding sex and fidelity, with a fairly new relationship where, let's face it, you simply don't know him well enough to know whether your trust is misplaced. It's not sensible to trust someone blindly after six months. And I would not want my precious time wasted in my early 30s.

So I would have a snoop.

Thank you all for the comments and advice.

I'm just going to have to wait until he comes home from work at 4pm and ask him.

I'm not going to go through his stuff or his tablet, if there is an innocent explaination for the condom, I don't want to have ruined the trust by snooping.

Before you speak to him in person, google body language. I think if someone looks up and right when they are remembering something it means they are actually remembering sonething that did happen - although if they look up and right then it means they are making something up. But worth checking as I could have gotten it the wrong way around. One thing I would say is it is possible that if you have been together for six months it might even have been a condom he initially bought to use with you!

I bet it dates from before you met. Especially as you say the date has rubbed off.

HOWEVER, I agree with others. Stand right in front of him, watch his face, reveal it and ask him why it was in his jeans back pocket.

WATCH REACTION CAREFULLY.

Surely when he got dressed he would have felt it in his pocket? If it wasn't supposed to be there he would have binned it surely?

And trust your gut. Really.

Could there be a small, almost miniscule chance, that he was given it on a night out? They do hand these things out in some places.

I'm sorry, though, it really doesn't look good from the outside. From what you say about spending loads of time together outside of work, if he's having an affair it must be in work hours.

I think your stance on not snooping is very noble, but I'm not sure I would be able to resist the sheer practicality of it in the circumstances.

if there is an innocent explaination for the condom, I don't want to have ruined the trust by snooping.

And therein lies the problem. There will be an innocent explanation forthcoming. It will be 'it's been there since before we met/ I was given it on a night out' etc.

It's whether you believe that - because it might not be true.

Now, as said above, I believe that it might very well be totally innocent. But if I was pinning my future on a man I'd known such a short space of time, and I had had suspicions raised like this, I would check it out myself.