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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
ifonly4 · 22/11/2017 11:28

OP, I really feel for you and to be honest I continue looking. As many have said you can confront him when he returns, the alternative is to keep quiet for a few days and constantly keep an eye on him, ie is he getting messages he seems to want to hide from you, is he staying up much later so he can contact someone etc.

OP with regards to the comments about why are you living together so soon, my DH proposed after two months and moved in a couple of months after that. It happens and we're still together 23 years later, so don't knock yourself on that account.

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 11:29

They were in his underwear drawer.

OP posts:
Worriedobsessive · 22/11/2017 11:29

Doesn’t look good does it? So sorry Op.

Animation86 · 22/11/2017 11:31

I think we are scraping the barrel for explanations when, really, how did it end up in his JEANS that he wears.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/11/2017 11:32

That's a pretty normal place to put them. I am not sure I would worry, I would have DEFINITELY checked out everything I could, but after that I'd wait until he got home and ask him directly.

NewMinouMinou · 22/11/2017 11:32

Have you ever been in his underwear drawer before? As you share laundry duties have you put his items away before?

NaiceBiscuits · 22/11/2017 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/11/2017 11:33

Were they in a middle of stuff in his drawer or nearly at the back?
It doesn't look good
you have not lost the moral high ground - you aren't cheating.

And the 6 month thing has no real bearing. People are married for decades and find out their partner has been cheating for half of it, have a secret family, are sleeping with the secretary.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/11/2017 11:34

They'd end up in his jeans because he has several pairs, and may have worn these a couple of times before putting them to be washed, the condom having been in there since before they got together. That IS believable. Especially as OP says he wears these jeans out, not to work, and while they've been together they go out together.

The only thing is the trip out with his brother.

Ninabean17 · 22/11/2017 11:35

Well my husband moved in after 2 months and we've just had our 10th anniversary. So for some people it really does work. Op, this doesn't look good. Try not to ring him before he gets home, you need to see his reaction. Hoping this has an entirely innocent explanation.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/11/2017 11:37

Irrespective of whether he put the condom in there 9 months ago when he was single, them being in the wash means he's worn them recently. Surely he'd have felt it when he got dressed / wore them etc and then would bin it.

TacoFlavouredKisses · 22/11/2017 11:38

What are the expiry dates on the newly discovered packs?

FlashTheSloth · 22/11/2017 11:39

Given it's a new relationship, I'd say they may just be hanging around from before.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 22/11/2017 11:43

Sorry OP but the deleted history and not logged in to Facebook shows an effort to keep things hidden.

ExConstance · 22/11/2017 11:44

There are usually posters who come on to this type of thread to talk about happy marriages after short relationships. DH and I met in an October, on holiday in Greece, we got engaged between ourselves the day we returned home. Told our parents at Christmas and booked the wedding for August, which was the first date available at the venue we wanted, otherwise it would have been sooner. I had to find a new job in a different part of the country so that added to the delay too. We are happily married and have been for over 30 years. I do believe that it is usually possible to tell very quickly if the person you are with is the right one for you, and that lots of potentially good relationships are ruined by faffing about and being too picky.

Now, OP, I hope you will simply ask your partner what the explanation is when he gets home and take it from there, instead of speculating on here which is not very constructive.

TammySwansonTwo · 22/11/2017 12:00

Were you using condoms at first, when he moved in?

If not, I have no idea how he'd end up with condoms in his underwear drawer since he hasn't been single since he filled that drawer with underwear.

Bananalanacake · 22/11/2017 12:01

I agree with the above. No need for guns a blazing. A casual where did this come from? Is better.

LagunaBubbles · 22/11/2017 12:04

OP you might not want to answer this but why are you at home and not work?

Not everyone works Monday-Friday 9-5. Hmm

Nikephorus · 22/11/2017 12:07

Sorry OP but the deleted history and not logged in to Facebook shows an effort to keep things hidden.
I disagree. Every so often I'll delete my internet history but there's no-one to see it. I frequently delete any texts that I've not deleted at the time just because I like to keep it uncluttered.
It could be something as innocent as there was someone handing out free condoms (from strips) when he was out with his brother etc. and he took one because he didn't want to say that the two of you weren't using them. And the other two could have been in a pocket or whatever when he moved, he's found them and chucked them in the drawer just in case. Not everything comes down to someone cheating.

KERALA1 · 22/11/2017 12:10

Gosh I don't know tarty! My only contact was when they would occasionally demand money with menaces when I popped out for a sandwich. Felt sorry for them all basically drugged up to the eyeballs. Builders were their main clients though and in the daytime so when I see partners saying their mans time is accounted for feel abit Sad

GreyOwls · 22/11/2017 12:14

What were the events leading up to being with you and moving in?
Did he have his own house or was he struggling with accommodation? The reason I ask is to ascertain whether or not he was with you as a stop gap/no other choice or if he did it willingly and it was a carefully considered decision. I hate to say it but could he be using you?

Also, don't forget that he could have another phone somewhere that has his alternate life on it. I've known several men do this (and brag about it). Also keys to a lock up (or combination code so no key needed). That's where they'll have things delivered to that they don't want you to see, as well as storing their alternate life there away from prying eyes.

Just a thought. I hope it's innocent but there are so many ways for people to cheat that most of us haven't even heard of. There are Reddit threads (and so many others) dedicated to helping men cheat. Disclaimer - not all men

Tangofandango · 22/11/2017 12:15

DH and I were married 7 months after meeting. Still together 43 years later - and we didn't live together before getting married either.

And I put all the washing on, and go through all pockets, on the understanding that any money I find in them I get to keep Grin (it actually goes into our grandson's money box).

I don't iron very much so he irons all his own stuff.

TheSunIsFar · 22/11/2017 12:17

Please stop judging the OP for her life choices!

Both DH & I got checked for STI’s when we got together and came back clear and then I had the implant in so it was safe for us to not use condoms once we established we were exclusive.

And my parents got married within 8 months of having met and have been together for 32 years now happily.

OP - Just ask your boyfriend about the condom - do it face to face. It could have a very innocent answer.

mygorgeousmilo · 22/11/2017 12:17

You haven’t lost any moral high ground, you’ve found condoms ffs!

TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville · 22/11/2017 12:18

If you've never used condoms as a couple, why would he 'move them in' when he moved in with you? If they are from a previous life why take them with him to yours? It doesn't make much sense.

Sorry OP. Been there, it's shit. Try not to call him. Wait to do it face to face and trust your gut instinct.

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