Ex girlfriend and new partner, please advise!

[Difficultsitch]

The relationship with my DH ex girlfriend and him is strained . They have a DD of 6. A new boyfriend has recently come on to the scene and staying over in the house with my DH DD which is fine but the ex is refusing to let DH know anything about him . Where does he stand?
Please help if you can .

I find it utterly bizzare that people say they wouldn't care.

Caring is different from over-reacting.

Wanting something is different having a right to it.

Something being possible is different from it being probable.

I think several people on the thread are muddled about those distinctions.

battelaxe Wanting something is different having a right to it

you could actually apply most of that post to wanting cake.

It's actually every parents right/want/need to make sure their child is safe. It's a human instinct - well to most of us it is.

The fact hit mother and new bloke feel they need to hide him away is a real dick move. Especially since she wanted to know all about the op when she appeared.

thats controlling.

op I'd genuinely call SS just to see how to proceed with it.

Cake?

Hellomaryimback
op I'd genuinely call SS just to see how to proceed with it.

After asking my social worker sister I'm informed they'd be asked what their concerns were. Was the child showing signs of neglect, emotional harm etc etc.

Saying 'I don't know his name so i can't look him up on Google' wouldn't be enough to warrant an investigation

Of course most normal parents would want to know who is living with there small child.

OP never said the bloke was living there, just that he stays over.

Unless the child is being abused, harmed or neglected then your ex DH really doesn’t need to know the new fellas name and neither do you. Has DH spoken to the child and asked who is mummy’s friend? You know that might work, get the child to tell him.

He can go to police station and do Sarah's law if he knows his name. I would advise to do it my friend did it about her bf. He was a pedofile who isn't allowed to see his own children

Today 13:46 Rachie1973

Olivetappas

You don't seem to know how Sarahs law works.

You need a name for a start,

then it will tell you..... yes he has a conviction. No he does not have a conviction,

That's it, nothing more.

NOT true.

If he has any previous allegations or is know to SS they will get in contact with the mother and start proceedings.

rachie how do you know, have you rang them for their advice on it?

It's fairly obvious that SS will do nothing about it at this stage.

rachie how do you know, have you rang them for their advice on it?

She just told you. She asked her sister who is a social worker.

The op's boyfriend sounds like my ex. Always demanding to know everything and anything about my life.

A non mol order eventually sorted that out. Fucking control freak.

I think there would be no reason at all for the ex partner to reveal anything about her new boyfriend if he were not staying overnight at her house and having contact with the DS. Understandably the OP’s DP wants to know who this new man is as he is a part of his DS’s life. It seems completely wrong especially in view of the fact that his ex insisted on meeting his new partner, the OP, who was quite happy to go along with it.

Mycatsapirate, projecting much??? His ex insisted on meeting his new partner!!

So you think someone not immediately revealing their new boyfriend's name is an appropriate thing to speak to social services about

Yes because most normal adult parents are transparent and 'adult' about situations which impact a child life - such as a new man moving in. The very fact that they are withholding the information is very telling.

I think it's also very telling that posters automatically blame and accuse the op partner of being abusive. Perhaps personal feelings should be held aside and the safety and wellbeing of a child put first

nicky excuse me if I don't take rachies 'sisters' word on it.

There are posts on here that have admitted that do look in to situations like this - and I have personal experience of it so I'll go of that.

Single mothers are always in a very vunerable situation when they bring new men in to the house, very few bother to check what kind of man they are inviting in to be around their kids - some times with disastrous results.

The op partner is not being UR at all.

Children are more likely to be abused when living in a cohabiting household with an unrelated adult. wanting to check that your kids are ok is not UR

My partner (now DH) and I moved to another city. We'd told my ex (because his/my son was with us) and given him our new address. The new house didn't have a phoneline, so we were waiting for it to be installed and we'd told my ex we'd give him the number as soon as it was.

He sent the police round to check on us, because we hadn't got in touch with him yet. We'd only been in the house a few days.

He knew he couldn't do anything about me living with another man, so he used his son as an excuse to try and exert his control.

hello You can also take my word for it, without any other concerns SS will do nothing.

I'm surprised no one has suggested to the OP that her and her partner should call 101 and log the whole thing with the police. Yet.

It would be great if people could be flagged up as abusive bastards before they were.

The OP knowing his name and/or meeting him is not going to help with that

Sorry, DD not DS. It’s good that your DP is protective of her. It would probably be best to leave it for the moment, though, hopefully his ex will be more forthcoming if the relationship becomes more serious.

The thing is OP, you don't really know anything about your partner's relationship with his ex. Only what he tells you.

Wanting the name to have a quick google is a bit odd - surely it'd be better to all just meet up together and have a polite drink. Has this been suggested? If she doesn't want to give his name it's very unlikely that it's because he's somehow unsuitable. After all, she's the child's parent too and so we assume wouldn't put her at risk. It's possibly more that she doesn't want to submit to her possibly controlling and interfering ex?

What does the daughter have to say about it all?

It's not really got that much to do with you I'm afraid so you might just have to leave it between the two of them.

little I thought you were serious there for a second. I'was about to lynch you!!

Nicknacky

Single mothers are always in a very vunerable situation when they bring new men in to the house, very few bother to check what kind of man they are inviting in to be around their kids -

Oh yes all those feckless women with children.

Mothers are just so crap 🙄

if I don't take rachies 'sisters' word on it.

LOL @ doubting the existence of my sister. I've spoken of her before along with the rest of my service family. She's just had a promotion actually. Go Lou!

Perhaps you'd like the verification that she is qualified? Or maybe My brother and dads police long service medals? My other brother and sons Firefighter credentials? My Mums nursing certs?

Believe.... don't believe. No skin off my nose.

Take her word from it though, not being able to 'google the new partner' won't cut it.