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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex girlfriend and new partner, please advise!

305 replies

Difficultsitch · 21/11/2017 08:07

The relationship with my DH ex girlfriend and him is strained . They have a DD of 6. A new boyfriend has recently come on to the scene and staying over in the house with my DH DD which is fine but the ex is refusing to let DH know anything about him . Where does he stand?
Please help if you can .

OP posts:
Fruitbat1980 · 21/11/2017 17:55

Perhaps her withholding the name is actually less sinister than others might think? Is it one of your exes, one of your partners best friends? Her best friends son? A married man? There could be 400 reasons why she doesn't want people to know yet?! I'd be keen to understand if she's saying 'not yet' or 'not ever' to telling/ introducingbyou? Just another perspective...

Battleax · 21/11/2017 17:56

It's probably just a reaction to high-handed demands.

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 18:01

YANBU Thankfully MN isn't a real representation of life.

Of course most normal parents would want to know who is living with there small child. Considering she wanted to know all about you I think it's a bit rich.

Isn't there a new law which lets you check out a new boyfriend? Parents do need to be very carful when new men are introduced in the the family home. 9/10 tens it's perfectly safe but there is always that odd one that isn't.

No way would I risk it

Battleax · 21/11/2017 18:02

Isn't there a new law which lets you check out a new boyfriend?

RTFT

Nicknacky · 21/11/2017 18:03

hello You might want to read the thread, that just might have already been suggested.......

Not to mention they don't know his name.

Quartz2208 · 21/11/2017 18:03

What difference though will knowing the name and meeting him do - are you left alone with her, does she trust you.

Its unlikely that a google search/more involved search is going to bring up anything. Meeting him either - if he doesnt have good motives its not going to be revealed by this.

So actually given that she trusts you, you have to trust him AS LONG AS your SD does not show any odd or different behaviour.

So why does it matter to you so much

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 18:04

In fact it's Sarah's law.

Id be checking on this regardless.

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 18:05

Ooops yes I see it's been mentioned

Battleax · 21/11/2017 18:05

I have deja vu. It's like a merry go round of daily mail readers. I need a drink.

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 18:07

Why don't you talk to SS op

Nicknacky · 21/11/2017 18:09

Talk to SS about what exactly?!

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 18:09

Toodlepip battleaxe

Battleax · 21/11/2017 18:09

Why don't you talk to SS op

I'd love to hear that. "Please arrange an emergency assessment. There's an immediate risk to a child. A woman is dating! "

Anyone want a WineWineWine with me?

Nicknacky · 21/11/2017 18:10

battleax I'm going to the gym first then I will join you!

Battleax · 21/11/2017 18:11

Right you are Smile

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 18:13

Actually I do know they do checks on people where there is concern. I know a female that was checked out and her flat as her boyfriends son would be staying there.

It gets taken seriously.

Maybe you need to stay of the Wine battleaxe

Nicknacky · 21/11/2017 18:14

THERE ARE NO CONCERNS!

Don't want to shout but, ffs at least read the thread.

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 18:17

I have read the thread.

My corncern would be that his name is being concealed. Why?

Normal parents don't behave like this. Clearly they are both dickheads so I'd be 'concerned'

Nicknacky · 21/11/2017 18:18

Or maybe the op's partner an abusive jealous ex partner and she is justified not telling him until she feels she is ready.

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 18:19

There is actually a thread that live on here about a child that had an abusive step dad. How lovely would that have been if he had been flagged up before the abuse started that he was actually a bastard.

But the op can't find that out because his name is being hidden.

Nicknacky · 21/11/2017 18:21

If you had read the thread then you would know the op's partners is t intending to do any checks. He just wants to know who it's.

Battleax · 21/11/2017 18:23

My corncern would be that his name is being concealed. Why?

So you think someone not immediately revealing their new boyfriend's name is an appropriate thing to speak to social services about?

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 18:25

And what's wrong with wanting to know who the new man is that's living with his daughter?

I find it utterly bizzare that people say they wouldn't care. Maybe that's why so many children are abused because people just don't think that type of stuff happens and don't protect there kids properly

Nicknacky · 21/11/2017 18:27

So how do you suggest the op's partner protects the child?

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 21/11/2017 18:27

I know 1 woman where whenever she get a new partner and social care find out they are on it like a tramp on chips. But that's because the woman in question and her children (the ones she's still got) are known to them due to her train wreck of a love life.

Pretty sure they won't pop round to vet the ex partner's new man on the say so of her ex "because he wants to be able to stalk the guy on social media".

I wonder if the child's dad asked in a maybe pompous or aggressive manner details about this man, it got his ex partners back up and she's now stubbornly digging her heels in? Or she's shagging his best mate/her best mates ex/her boss/someone else she doesn't want to tell about rather than anything sinister?