To really not want daughters?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH and I will be starting TTC soon, and have been talking about how we’d raise our children. And as we’ve discussed it, I’ve begun to realise that I really don’t want to have any girls.

Don’t get me wrong, I think having a daughter is in itself a wonderful thing. It’s more an issue of the world I would be raising a daughter in.

You’ve got trans rights activists erasing women everywhere you turn- women’s spaces being opened to anyone who calls themselves a woman, a 19 year old male is now a CLP Women’s officer, guidance in Scotland being issued saying if a student isn’t comfortable sharing a changing room with a trans pupil they should change somewhere else (obviously I know that would apply to boys too).

Sexual harassment and assault fucking everywhere. I’ve genuinely lost count of the number of times I’ve been grabbed, groped or catcalled. I know more women who’ve had some sort of encounter of that kind than haven’t. And of course, the victim blaming and slut shaming that occurs around it.

Those are just a few examples.

The more I think about it, the less I feel like I’d happy to bring a girl up in such a deeply misogynistic society. I just don’t see it getting any better. If anything, it’s getting worse.

AIBU?

I think my boy finds life harder than the girl does. It’s all about personality and ability to cope.

Very pleased I have 2 boys mainly because I don’t deal with whiny girls very well and they are more affectionate so I’ve been told.

I’ve never had any problems with trans people eroding my rights on a day to day basis but I can’t say I read into any such matters either.
So if raising a girl in this deeply misogynistic society is difficult, then surely raising a boy to respect women will also present challenges in itself?
If you’re that precious about the sex of your child in Britain 2017, You arent ready for kids.

@tombstoneteeth

One of my sons has been thrown out by his wife, who has been raised to have no respect for a gentle man, and pushed him to the limit to show some violence towards her - the way she was brought up

Oh wow!

She PUSHED your son into showing violence towards her.

Are seriously blaming your daughter in law for your son hitting her?

What a crock of shit. I hope you and your son are thoroughly ashamed.

I hope she never takes him back, and I hope she has reported him to the police.

Tombstone. Did he, eventually, hit her?

@Tipsy you're totally right - I think my post could be read one of two ways. I was going for the same as you.

You are right OP. It's best you don't have girls. Raising them to be like you would not be a good thing for the world.

Curious though that you'd rather raise someone who may possibly think a womans body was "something they were free to grab if they wanted"

Or do you intend on raising your hypothetical boys to not have that mindset

But you don't think you can raise a girl to be strong and confident and able to positively influence the males around her

Maybe you would just suck at 'girls'.

I have girls. And I have boys. Raised them all without your brand of hysteria. Girls are confident and happy and well able to deal with any shade of misogyny thrown their way. Boys are confident and happy and respectful of others. Maybe I'm just better at it.

Wow. What a thing to worry about. BTW, boys are sexually assaulted as well.

I have a child with special needs. I don't think you are ready for children because you don't seem to understand what all can go wrong with just having a baby.

There are some very odd responses on this thread.

Not once did the OP claim she hated men or that all men are abusers and predators. Expressing concern about bringing a girl into this world because of the misogyny and predatory behaviour of some men is not the same thing as saying that all men are like that. Show me where on this thread someone has claimed they hate men and that all men are abusers. None of you will be able to show me such a post because nobody on this thread claimed such a thing.

Men may be more likely to kill themselves but that's only because they tend to opt for more violent methods; e.g hanging and jumping from heights whereas women are more likely to opt for things like overdosing. Suicide attempts however tend to be more evenly split.

Men are more likely to be victims of violent crimes at the hands of strangers but that's probably more to do with the fact that men are more likely to be alone at night and are probably not as wary about putting themselves in risky situations as women are. Women have it drilled into them constantly from an early age that we should keep ourselves safe, not put ourselves in risky situations and to be wary. Men are far less likely to have this message instilled in them from an early age. If a man is out alone at night and he is assaulted then we don't tend to blame him or hold him partially responsible for what happened to him. However if a woman is out alone at night and she is raped then there will be far more people out there ready to question WTF she was doing there, why didn't she keep herself safe, she needs to be more responsible, etc. Men who are assaulted by strangers aren't held up to the same level of scrutiny.

False rape accusations happen however they are nowhere near as common as the media make them out to be. There is no evidence to suggest that false rape accusations happen more than false accusations of any other crime. It's just that on the rare occasion when a false rape accusation does come to light the media will jump all over the story thus making them look a lot more common than they actually are. It's also worth remembering that a lot of cases that get slapped with the label 'false accusation' in the press were never actually proven to be false in the first place. I've lost count of the number of headlines I've read about a 'false accusation' only to then read the article and realise we don't actually know if it was false. All that has happened is that the women withdrew her complaint or the accused was never charged and as a result it was then incorrectly labelled false as a result.

Of course women in the UK in 2017 are in a very privileged place compared to 30, 40, even 20 years ago and compared to other parts of the world but we are still not quite there yet. There is still a lot of work to be done and we are not going to fix anything by labeling people who speak out about problems women still face 'hysterical' and telling us to shut up about it.

@Spare I think I love you!

Well, what do you actually mean them OP? Your answer to the problem of misogyny in society is to bring men into it? To - what - cause or contribute to that? Or what?

Honestly you’re overthinking it OP.

One of them has been thrown out by his wife, who has been raised to have no respect for a gentle man, and pushed him to the limit to show some violence towards her - the way she was brought up

Bloody hell tombstoneteeth - corkscrew yourself around just a bit further with those justifications and you'll be able to fit up your own blinkered arse!

I raised my own sons to be caring, loving and respectful.

Well no, you didn't. Because one of them just beat up his own wife. But you can see why, if he was raised by a woman who would defend his 'right' to do that.

Spare I get that you disagree with me, but is there really any need to be so fucking nasty?

If that’s the way you feel about girls, then it’s probably best you aren’t blessed with daughters.
I’ve got two and they are fab. They are strong and smart and human! I wouldn’t change any of my kids for the world.

Raising your daughter to be a kick ass feminist is not going to solve everything either. Of course you should raise your daughter to stand up for herself and teach her how to take on and deal with any challenges she may come across in life but that is not going to stop a man from raping her or assaulting her, is it? I mean, htf, does that even work? I'm a feminist yet I've still been both raped and sexually assaulted. Unfortunately my feminist beliefs were unable to stop a man from pinning me down to a bed and raping me.

raven - I did NOT say that he hit her. Read what I wrote. He didn't. She bit him and drew blood, and punched him. He walked away. She pushed him TO THE LIMIT by the biting. Care to apologise for the comment?

PleaseDontGoadTheToad thank you. Seems like you understand my point.

And I’m so sorry you went through that.

@Toad - it's our job as parents of boys to raise them to acknowledge that assault in any form is not OK. Teaching our boys not to victim blame. Teaching them to show emotions and that it's ok to not be an alpha male. To stop them jumping on the red pill bullshit so they grow up to not assault women.

This is fundamental. We can raise girls to be feminists all we like but the only way to stop men taking advantage is to smash the stereotypes and bring up boys to be amazing people.

I'd say that is as much of a challenge as raising a girl in a misogynistic society.

I don't want to minimise your experiences by the way, @Toad. I'm also a survivor of assault and totally understand where you're coming from

Everyone in the history of human life on the planet has always worried about what kind of world they are bringing children into.

I wish more people would concern themselves with not raising boys who turn out to be sexual predators or men who add to the worldwide problem of male violence than worry about women becoming victims. Peculiar that the OP isn't worrying about her potential sons becoming rapists. Women and girls aren't raping themselves, you do realise.

OP.

Read this post again once you have a child.

That's all.

Bumps x

Sorry tombstone, I am sure that is what you meant, but it is not what you wrote. I can just see your meaning in the original words now that you have explained them, but I was entirely of the same view that raven and others were.
I am pleased you clarified it, but the message so clearly says the opposite I would have it taken down if I were you.

fizzy Maybe you could just try to a little more nasty? Moronic comment.

Read this post again once you have a child.physical
Didn't know that we were playing MN bingo now,?

it's our job as parents of boys to raise them to acknowledge that assault in any form is not OK. Teaching our boys not to victim blame. Teaching them to show emotions and that it's ok to not be an alpha male. To stop them jumping on the red pill bullshit so they grow up to not assault women.

This is fundamental. We can raise girls to be feminists all we like but the only way to stop men taking advantage is to smash the stereotypes and bring up boys to be amazing people.

Exactly!! You can instill the values in your sons, and teach them not to behave that way towards girls/women. But you can’t exactly teach a daughter how not to be an assault/rape victim can you?

Peculiar that the OP isn't worrying about her potential sons becoming rapists. Women and girls aren't raping themselves, you do realise.

Thank you Berlioz, I did realise that.