To really not want daughters?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH and I will be starting TTC soon, and have been talking about how we’d raise our children. And as we’ve discussed it, I’ve begun to realise that I really don’t want to have any girls.

Don’t get me wrong, I think having a daughter is in itself a wonderful thing. It’s more an issue of the world I would be raising a daughter in.

You’ve got trans rights activists erasing women everywhere you turn- women’s spaces being opened to anyone who calls themselves a woman, a 19 year old male is now a CLP Women’s officer, guidance in Scotland being issued saying if a student isn’t comfortable sharing a changing room with a trans pupil they should change somewhere else (obviously I know that would apply to boys too).

Sexual harassment and assault fucking everywhere. I’ve genuinely lost count of the number of times I’ve been grabbed, groped or catcalled. I know more women who’ve had some sort of encounter of that kind than haven’t. And of course, the victim blaming and slut shaming that occurs around it.

Those are just a few examples.

The more I think about it, the less I feel like I’d happy to bring a girl up in such a deeply misogynistic society. I just don’t see it getting any better. If anything, it’s getting worse.

AIBU?

You will be plagued with worry regardless.

Yep.

Worse than all the things you list is the old chestnut of yesteryear of women preferring to have boy babies.

Transactivists are campaigning for the rights of a minority group. They have hardly sent women's rights back to the 60s.

Do ya know, I’m just fine with my girls. As long as she doesn’t turn into a hysterical woman and just, you know, gets on with life.

I feel sorry for the daughters of people like arsenalwatford, who dismiss the very real problems women and girls experience, and who use gendered insults like "hysterical" about the women who raise those issues.

I see your point but quite frankly I dont want to create more men either seeing what they become and no matter how well parented they no doubt are.

It almost seems innate for men to behave like such utter bastards. Just look at some of the threads on here and as you say sexual assualt is fucking everywhere.

??

I am quite flummoxed by this really.

I have one of each and I am certainly more worried about how my boy will find his identity in the world than how my girl will.

how exactly do you think you are going to choose the specific gender of your unborn baby - will you be headed to America to have a specific gender IVF? (not sure they do it here if you are in the UK). If its not that - then you get 50/50 shot. You get absolutely no say in it whatsoever. And maybe if you get a girl, then you teach her about these thing that worry you, and help her realise the world (sometimes) is not so great. Boys dont get it easier, they just get it in a different way.

You can't fear a certain sex due to fear of trans people etc. Even if you do escape having daughter's your son/s could turn out to be the very trans men you feared. Nobody is gauranteed a child with an ideal life!

I'm more worried about the world I've brought my children of both genders into full stop when we have terrorits killing innocents for no reason.

You may have a daughter who skips through life as through a sun dappled meadow and you may have a son who is plagued with problems. If you're that desperate to be a parent just take what you're given. alternatively, don't have kids!

^ this

As a parent you worry,irrespective of their gender.
You hope they’ll be treated with love,kindness and meet nice folk
When someone is mean to your dc at school,nursery you want to stoat them

..and i know far more guys who have been assaulted than i do women btw.

I work in a further education college and many of the boys have deep rooted issues. Some suffer from anxiety, depression, others get into fights and skip class. The biggest killer among men under 45 is suicide and it’s at times, heartbreaking watching them struggle through adolescence. It’s not just girls who struggle with identity crisis, men do too grapple with where their place is in the world and how others perceive them. I lost a close male relative at the age of 24 to suicide for this reason

I would actually find it easier to parent a daughter after a sexual assault than a son of mine that committed one. I cannot see that sexual assault would be a reason to prefer males? What about Kevin Spacey or the Catholic Church- most abuse victims there were male. So you have male perpetrators in almost all cases and male victims in some - how is it an easier parenting gig?

I have one of each, they have very similar, happy lives. I don't think having boys is bad at all, I just couldn't stand the logical flaw in the argument!

Sadly, boys can be sexually abused too. I do understand how you feel though. I believe men have it easier in life.
But if you aren't 100% fine with having either sex, you aren't ready ttc in my opinion.

If you're worried abt sexual assault being everywhere shouldn't you be more worried about raising a boy who would therefore be potentially part of that problem??
It all seems odd I have to say. I'm the first to say that there are a lot (a LOT) of useless buggers in the world and yet I've chosen to have 3 children... Probably because I believe I can bring them up to be good people and make a (good) difference. I will stand by them and help them learn to stand their grounds.

I have one of each. I would not change anything. My daughter is not afraid to stand up for herself. She is 24 and was not afraid to challenge a man on the tube who was taking photos of her legs. She saw the reflection in his glasses! I think he was more afraid of her when she'd finished with him and his despicable behaviour. I realise we have to bring up our children to understand what is right and wrong. And that everyone deserves respect.

I hope to god that any child you do have isn't transgender or non-binary, for their sake.

I feel quite daunted to raise my DD. And I have another DD due early next year.

It just all seems so much harder now?

Children bring their joy love and yes worries, regardless of gender

Boy or girl, raise 'em right and all should be fine. At any rate, you'll have done your best. Good luck ttc.

I have two tough, gorgeous feminist daughters. Just spent dinner chatting to the younger one (14) about race and being mixed-race and white privilege. She started it. The older one (16) was cheering up a friend with a broken heart. Daughters are a joy. They’ll take on the world and make it a better place. They fill me with hope.

I agree with ppm who said you will worry regardless of having a boy or a girl.

And in having a boy they are statistically nearly twice as likely to be the victim of a violent crime (2.4% verses 1.3% in 2015).

Just to make you equally apprehensive about your possible future sons' safety, let's not forget that males are more likely to die or be ill at all ages, and live shorter lives overall. Nature has to compensate by producing more male infants than female.

Men are also more likely to suffer serious mental illness, commit suicide and end up in jail.

(Why any of this deserves better pay mystifies me).

YANBU to worry about women's rights.

YABVVVU to want a boy or a girl - you can't predict what will happen in life and some people don't get to have either.

Channel your worries into something productive to help the cause instead. Good luck TTC!

I feel privileged to be raising a daughter - and a son.

The world is not an easy place but we do our best.