To really not want daughters?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH and I will be starting TTC soon, and have been talking about how we’d raise our children. And as we’ve discussed it, I’ve begun to realise that I really don’t want to have any girls.

Don’t get me wrong, I think having a daughter is in itself a wonderful thing. It’s more an issue of the world I would be raising a daughter in.

You’ve got trans rights activists erasing women everywhere you turn- women’s spaces being opened to anyone who calls themselves a woman, a 19 year old male is now a CLP Women’s officer, guidance in Scotland being issued saying if a student isn’t comfortable sharing a changing room with a trans pupil they should change somewhere else (obviously I know that would apply to boys too).

Sexual harassment and assault fucking everywhere. I’ve genuinely lost count of the number of times I’ve been grabbed, groped or catcalled. I know more women who’ve had some sort of encounter of that kind than haven’t. And of course, the victim blaming and slut shaming that occurs around it.

Those are just a few examples.

The more I think about it, the less I feel like I’d happy to bring a girl up in such a deeply misogynistic society. I just don’t see it getting any better. If anything, it’s getting worse.

AIBU?

I think it's fine to have a preference.
I really really wanted a girl when I had my first baby, we had a boy. I admit to being disappointed at first, but now j wouldn't change him for anything in the world. I'd still love a girl though.
Deep down does it really matter? We love our children no matter what

YANBU

This is one of the big reasons I don't want children at all - risk of bringing daughters into this world.
I hope my DSD will manage to navigate it successfully.

On the other hand, if I’m raising a trans child in today’s world I’ll feel a lot happier than in previous years - provided they stay off Mumsnet....

YANBU. I have 2 young DD’s and I genuinely fear for them as they get older. I despair at the state of the world and the way women are viewed today. I just hope that things improve over the next decade.

Very pleased I have 2 boys mainly because I don’t deal with whiny girls very well and they are more affectionate so I’ve been told.

Oh this is total bollocks. Wish people wouldn’t spread this shite.

I mean, my girls whine. But I’d imagine if they were boys they’d whine just as much. Comes with the territory when parenting under 5s! Girls are no more whinier than boys, it’s a personality thing not a sex thing. It’s about time people realised that.

I feel like my brothers whine more than the my sisters ever did!

They were certainly a lot more trouble, my mum doesn’t think the lads are more affectionate than the girls either.

Bumble those stats are over a very long period of time, the current reports are as I stated above....now is what we need to worry about.

All this hope and worry you have over your daughters' future is absolutely wasted energy. If there is something you are worried about - do something about it.

Rubbish. I have two Girls, and the fight to protect them as Girls, and, as they grow as Women is on IMO.

Clearly having a girl is different from having a boy but it is how both are raised to deal with the world/treat other people that is important and how to cope with the societal pressures thrown at them as opposed to hiding from them. I've got 3 sons, all different, just because they are all male it doesn't mean they are clones.

DeleteOrDecay my son is very moany, my dd quite affectionate. You can't predict what they will be like.

Some folks with very sad,and disturbing issues on here. Avoiding having kids so they don’t have daughters. Women have contributed so many wonderful things to our world. And without them these posters would not exist. We would not exist.

There really has never been a better time to be female in the uk, our voice has never been louder, our rights clearer, so Raise your sons and daughters well and remember as you do that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

People who say girls are whiny, and boys are 'more affectionate' are trying to kid themselves that boys are better, because they secretly wanted a girl.

It's a defence mechanism. If they bash girls, it makes people think they never wanted them. When they did.

I am not saying everyone who has boys wanted a girl. But the ones who bash and berate girls definitely did.

Jeez my boys can whine for Britain. They are very affectionate though but never having had a daughter I wouldn’t be able to compare either their whinyness or cuddlyness to girls.

I put off kids for years for precisely this reason op. I have had loads of trouble from men, and my daughter will get it too. She does attend martial art classes, and my ds will be raised to be a human first and male second. There is no time when I will not worry about them.

These threads always go the same way, the number of women living in denial is absolutely astonishing. Men are more violent, and women are more often victims. I really don't know how people can keep on denying this - fgs its a mammalian pattern and why we don't farm with male animals very often!

As for 'never been a better time to be a woman', the UK is both sexist and violent compared to north European countries, and the prevailing official view is clearly increasingly hostile to women right now. Recently there has been signs of a new female fightback, which is great. But 'better' is not great given where we've come from, with rape basically legitimate.

I think you would be naive to think that no rapists or abusers had a mother who, like you, raised their sons in a feminists environment and tried their best for them not to turn into abusers.

I know my rapists very well as I do their parents. Those men were raised right, yet it didn't save them from turning into soulless sexual abusers. My eldest brother and I were raised the exact same (we are a year apart) I am quite the feminist and yes, I have been victims of assault and harassment but if anything they have made me stronger, my brother on the other hand has turned the extreme opposite of me, he is a complete waste of space who objectifies woman, bully them, is violent (verbally and physically) and has no respect for anyone or anything. Same parent, same education, very different results so you would be completely deluded to think you can really prevent your son from being a murderer/rapist/abuser yet can't prevent your potential daughter from getting rape.

The fact is, your worries may never be relevant to your potential daughter's life. She may never ever be a victim of all of the things stated above, on the other end, there is also no certainty that your potential son won't grow up to be everything you despise (yes even trans!). As a parent I would be more worried about my son turning into an abuser (because society and medias normalize a lot of abusive male behaviors) than my daughter being raped. Yes it would be awful to know my daughter has been victim to such a cruel act but I would probably be even more devasted to find out my son was the perpetrator of such an evil act to be honest.

I second people who said you likely aren't ready to be a mom as your love seem to come with limitations (looks like whatever gender you end up having they better not find out they are trans unless they want to set themselves up for a whole life of Transphobia coming out of their mother's mouth so I think it's better you postpone TTC.)

My DD was viciously bullied by a group of girls. The only saving grace was the support she got from the boys in her form. The Head was rubbish, the Deputy Head was worse, the form teacher is the person I hate most in all the world, the girls were vile. The boys were caring and supportive and a credit to their mothers.

Just thought about my eldest son at 5, I was approached by a mother at the school gate, her daughter was being bullied by a group of girls and she had taken her into school crying, she was in a difficult position as her daughter didn't want her to leave and she had an urgent medical appointment to go to. She said she had been approached by my son who said, "Don't worry MrsX, I will look after her." Her took her daughters hand and took her off to the book corner.

Not all girls are nice, not all boys are bad. Can we not move on from stereotypes?

I get exactly where you're coming from, OP.

Maybe children arnt for you.

Maybe a male dog.

Bumble those stats are over a very long period of time, the current reports are as I stated above....now is what we need to worry about.

From the ONS report published in February 2017:
In the year ending March 2016, around 7 in 10 homicide victims were male (69%, 395 victims) and 3 in 10 were female (31%, 175 victims). This is similar to the sex of victims over the last decade, with the exception of the previous 2 years, when 64% to 65% of victims were male.

I have 2 girls and 2 boys, The eldest is female and 13yrs and second female is 6yrs. The way you raise a daughter is too be strong powerful and not to take shit from no one.
You teach them the way that you know and to let them know they have a choice.
I have taught my oldest not to walk anywhere by herself and always to keep in contact with me. But saying that its the same for all my children just because they are female you cant raise them any differently than a male. I mean would you let your boy go out and not let him tell you that he is safe. There are still male cases of sexual assault, rapes etc. Dont think its easier to raising a male than it is a female. You just have to guide and teach them the right way.

I find it really hard to understand how anyone can think that life for women is any worse now than it always has been in regard to how they're viewed, murdered, raped and disregarded.

Women have always been at the mercy of men's brutality. They have always been seen as less than men and have always been the victims of violent crime and unfair social norms and laws on a massive scale.

The world is not and has never been a safe place for millions of women because of their treatment at the hands of men and it's been that way since time immemorial.

Nothing's changed, nothing's likely to change.

ZOMBIE THREAD FROM 2017!!

Oops, so it is.

Don't always remember to check dates.