DNiece won't let me look after DNephew because of Dog

[namechangedaunt]

Name changed as this is outing.

My niece is due to go back to work in 4 weeks after 8 months mat leave. I offered to look after her DS 3 days a week and she is paying me (not a massive amount- £450 a month so cheaper than a nursery).

A friend of a friend has recently been made homeless and needed their dog looking after for around 6 months (until they are housed). I offered and the dog has been with us for a week now. Dniece has met the dog and hasn’t seemed to have a problem. This morning I received the following email:

“Dear Auntie X,

Sorry to send this by email but I don’t want it to be awkward face to face.

I have found DS a nursery place from mid-December. Please don’t take it personally but we just don’t feel comfortable with Dog being around DS on a daily basis and think it would be best.

DS and Dog will have to be kept apart which isn’t fair on either of them- DS is at an age when he needs to be on the floor learning to play and crawl and stand; we would feel uneasy about him being left with Dog and it’s not feasible you can watch a baby every minute you’re looking after them. We’ve seen Dog display domineering behaviour (the mouthing, barking and growling) and think he’s got a way to go with his training yet.

We also feel that Dog’s barking, and you shouting at the barking, will create an atmosphere for DS that we’re not OK with.

I hope we can talk about it soon. Love you.

DNiece”

Dog is still a pup- just over 1- and I plan to train and discipline him while he’s with us. I wouldn’t leave the baby alone with him at all. He is naughty- he’s not had any boundaries and does bark (loudly) if ignored or left alone- but he’s not aggressive.

I think DNiece is being unfair; she also knows I was relying on the money she will pay me. She also has a dog at home.

What do I reply!?

Thank you someonessnackbitch ...

namasteniki I'm paying £105 per week... if I was paying 420 quid a week I would pack my job in!!!

You do know that it's illegal to charge for childcare if you're not a registered childminder? And £450 per month for 3 days a week is very similar to a nursery- certainly not cheap enough to accept less than ideal conditions.
I would totally do what your dn has done. There's no way I'd want a young, unknown dog around my young child. And Staffies have got plenty of form for attacking babies. The "nanny dog" nonsense is just that.

I agree with your niece. I have a dog and kids. My FIL has a young untrained puppy that he has not had for long. I won't allow my kids to be looked after at his house because he doesn't see the problem. He says we have a dog and if the dog jumps or anything, the kids can just push it away. No.

Our dog I have known for 6 years, had her since she was 8 weeks and she went straight into obedience training and while I still watch my kids around her (she is a well behaved dog but you never know). FIL and I do not get along because he doesn't think of safety and he does what he wants and decides everyone else is wrong, he uses the excuse 'well I raised my son'.

It seems you did not put a lot of thought into this OP.

I can't believe you offered to take in a dog when you already had an arrangement to look after your baby nephew. You must have known it might be an issue for your niece?

I completely agree with your niece anyway, she's been kind and considerate about it. I would have done exactly the same thing.

I think that was a very kind email for your niece to write. She could easily be really annoyed with you for thinking of doing such a dangerous thing and this is going to cost her much more money.

Of course you can't have a small child around a badly trained dog. It's too unpredictable a situation which is why proper childminders and nurseries don't do it!

Your niece sounds like a wonderful mum. If you want to look after he child you could look for another home for the dog perhaps, but she might have already paid the nursery deposit etc.

Don’t blame her at all. If you relying on her paying you offer not to look after dog or are they paying too? I wouldn’t leave my baby with a dog I didn’t no well, let alone a puppy/teenage dog

I’m a real dog lover but I would never have let my baby be looked after in those circumstances you do not know the dog, it only takes you back to be turned for a couple of minutes and both of them to go for the same toy and then it to turn to tradgedy, your DN sounds v sensible

If the dog is mouthing, barking and growling i agree with her, I love dogs but when DD was little my mum rescued a young dog that was badly trained, dog was never left with DD and never mouthed at her but the growling and barking and mums shouting really affected her. So for a while DD, who has grown up with a very large dog, was scared of dogs, including our poor dog who is the most gentle child friendly thing you can imagine.

i know youv alrady accptd your wrong but i just wondr about peopl and their dogs

my sil insists hr dog is ok even though shes never trained it and it bit someone not broke the skin but still

yet she doesnt undrstand when her other sil doesnt want th dog over her house with her 3 year old-shes quite offended that the dog isnt welcome-its like some people have blinkers on

Sorry op, but I join the chorus of yabu. My dm looks after DS2 for 3 days a week. If she suddenly took in a mates staffy cross because it needed rehoming, I’m afraid he wouldn’t be going back there. Secondly, if you remove the safety aspect of this issue, my dm takes DS2 to a play group, play gym most weeks, and a long walk and a park trip each week and she looks after him for free (I realise how fortunate I am) BUT you’d be getting £450 a month, and can’t actually leave the house for more than 30 mins because of the dog! So your niece knows essentially when you have her child, he’s at home for three days straight because you can’t leave the dog for any length of time! I’d be making the same decision and I think your niece has been very polite about it.

No way would i leave a crawling baby in that situation. You admit you shout at the dog for barking, its untrained, its mouthing and growling, thats not ideal for a baby.

£450 a month isnt cheap for unregistered child care its £100+ more than i would charge! Were you planning on declaring it?

You need to reply to your neice that you completely undetstand and pbviously its her choice.

You should have thought about this before taking on an untrained dog that has no boundaries when you knew you were going to be looking after your neice.

Your neice will probably be able to claim help in paying childcare now which she wouldnt be able to do if you were doing it.

Dammit never seen your updates as you name changed op.

What’s with the childminding and OFSTED witch hunt?

She’s taking care of a single child. Nannies don’t need to be OFSTED registered and she’s not looking after several children.

Nannies care for the child in the parents home. Nannies pay tax and Ni (or their employers do on their behalf). Nannies usually have qualifications and training and references.

Looking after unrelated children (aunt doesn't count) in your own home makes you a childminder for which you need to be registered.

You don't need to be OFSTED registered to look after a family member. The arrangement was a good one which would have worked for everyone. However you've changed the goalposts and I agree with your niece that looking after and training a dog who can't be left for more than half an hour is not compatible with looking after a baby. If you need the money you'll have to have a rethink.

True, Nap but a large number of people that have posted on this thread have incorrectly stated that she needs to be registered in order to charge to look after her niece. At which point people just started assuming that a) she was being paid cash in hand a b) she wasn’t going to declare it because she was already childminding illegally.

I know this is AIBU, but still.

My mum was doing a day a week 'free' (it cost us in other ways) childcare when I went back to work. She bought a dog three weeks in. We decided to put DS in nursery that day. I didn't want the competing demands and didn't feel my mum had made sufficient plans for the what ifs. She was devastated, but I had to put DS first.

I don’t think the OP is coming back, not surprising seeing how people are slating her, quite aggressively in some cases. She has accepted that she was unreasonable anyway so once again posters are not RTFT!!

Yes an aunt counts as related.

Grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, half siblings of the child all count.

Although, technically as a great aunt you might not count. I’m not sure if they got round to changing the rules.

I took a look at the October 2017 guidance and there are no exemptions for family listed:

If you want to be a childminder or nanny, you might need to register with Ofsted or a childminding agency.

You DO need to register if:

you’re a childminder paid to look after children under 8 for more than 2 hours a day.

You DON’T need to register if:

you look after children aged 8 or over
you look after children of any age for less than 2 hours a day
you’re a nanny looking after children of any age

She is making sensible choice. How would you feel if the dog bit your dgn? Your niece is avoiding that scenario.

I don't blame your DN tbh OP.
I wouldn't have let my dc come to you either.
I also think it is probably just as well she has done this because it could have caused problems in the future . As for the money .....well she isn't responsible for you is she?