DNiece won't let me look after DNephew because of Dog

[namechangedaunt]

Name changed as this is outing.

My niece is due to go back to work in 4 weeks after 8 months mat leave. I offered to look after her DS 3 days a week and she is paying me (not a massive amount- £450 a month so cheaper than a nursery).

A friend of a friend has recently been made homeless and needed their dog looking after for around 6 months (until they are housed). I offered and the dog has been with us for a week now. Dniece has met the dog and hasn’t seemed to have a problem. This morning I received the following email:

“Dear Auntie X,

Sorry to send this by email but I don’t want it to be awkward face to face.

I have found DS a nursery place from mid-December. Please don’t take it personally but we just don’t feel comfortable with Dog being around DS on a daily basis and think it would be best.

DS and Dog will have to be kept apart which isn’t fair on either of them- DS is at an age when he needs to be on the floor learning to play and crawl and stand; we would feel uneasy about him being left with Dog and it’s not feasible you can watch a baby every minute you’re looking after them. We’ve seen Dog display domineering behaviour (the mouthing, barking and growling) and think he’s got a way to go with his training yet.

We also feel that Dog’s barking, and you shouting at the barking, will create an atmosphere for DS that we’re not OK with.

I hope we can talk about it soon. Love you.

DNiece”

Dog is still a pup- just over 1- and I plan to train and discipline him while he’s with us. I wouldn’t leave the baby alone with him at all. He is naughty- he’s not had any boundaries and does bark (loudly) if ignored or left alone- but he’s not aggressive.

I think DNiece is being unfair; she also knows I was relying on the money she will pay me. She also has a dog at home.

What do I reply!?

I'd do the same.

I agree. You reply. "Of course, no worries. Thanks for telling me. See you soon xx"

Why would you reply with anything else?

She doesn't want her baby around an untrained puppy who is unused to babies and that she doesn't know well. I think she'd be a fool to do anything else, tbh.

It's totally her choice and I think she has explained her reasons really well and respectfully. If you want the money or to see your nephew so much, why not get rid of the dog?

She's not being unfair, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a 8 month old with a dog that is 1yr old and hasn't had any boundaries. I have 2 dogs myself and have 2 young DC's, I think your neice has done the right thing by using a nursery.

Just seen that she has a dog, in that case, it's because she knows exactly the risk unfamiliar, untrained dogs can pose to unpredictable babies.

Good for her.

I am an experienced dog owner and I absolutely love dogs - but, in your nieces position I would be saying exactly the same thing.

This is not your dog, I'm assuming you don't know a great deal about its history re training, experiences etc. What breed is the dog?

I really don't think it is a good combination to have an exuberant one year old dog who is displaying undesirable behaviour to be around a baby. She's making the right call, good on her.

I agree with pp.
Her child, her choice.
Her reasons seem to be well thought out and rational/ practical.
Thank her for letting you know and assure her there are no hard feelings.

To be honest it seems the kindest thing for the dog too, it's had a lot of upheaval and adding a baby to the mix would be a lot for it to cope with as well.

I understand why you're upset, but there's nothing to be done. It's up to the parents.

I dont blame her. I wouldn't trust a badly behaved dog around my child either especially if your way of dealing with it is to shout at the dog. Maybe agree to reassess the situation once the dog is gone.

Fair play to you for taking on the dog, not many would. I can see her concerns, especially if the dog has no boundaries & is exhibiting some unruly behaviour. Tell her you completely understand & that you will be working with the dog to alter his behaviour. Few months down the line you may be having a different conversation if you can get the dog under control

She sounds like a cracking mum. She’s done the right thing here and put her child’s safety over the convenience and monetary saving = good mum!

Her choice and I dont blame her if as you say 'his training has some way to go'

Do you shout when they dog barks ? If you do then it's horrible to witness

She's not being unfair at all... there was an agreement, you changed the circumstances by taking on someone else's dog and now she quite rightly doesn't feel it will be the best situation. Dogs and babies are both completely unpredictable, and given she has a dog she will definitely understand the risks and has decided it isn't worth the discounted childcare which is completely understandable

I’d do exactly the same as your niece.

And you say yourself the dog is naughty- which will make her even more uncomfortable with the situation... also why you taking in someone else's dog when you can bearly support yourself?

I don’t blame her for writing an email if your reaction is to think it’s unfair because you were counting on her money

I’d do the same if I were her.

She sounds very sensible to me

Sounds like a reverse, but yes, totally her choice.

Maybe aunt could set up as a childminder.

In your position I would find another home for the dog.

Dog is a staff crossbreed and her dog is a golden retriever. Both breeds are good with kids else I wouldn’t have offered to look after the dog. I wouldn’t leave DNephew alone with the dog anyway.

I get that it’s her choice but she knows I was planning on using the money to pay a certain thing as we’ve talked about it a lot. I actually offered to have the dog because I would be at home with DNephew and now can’t find another job as the dog can’t be left for longer than half an hour at the moment without barking the house down.

Anyway, the consensus seem to be the she is not unreasonable!

Entirely your choice. If she'll be paying you then presumably you've sorted out an ofsted registration (as it would have been illegal otherwise) so you could always take other children in to childmind.

I’d tell the friend you can no longer look after their dog.

Me too. Sounds like you have to choose between dog and child.

By the way £450 a month for 3 days a week is quite a lot really round here is 45
£4.50ph for childminder so for 3x 8 hr days thats £108 per week

Are you getting paid for having the dog temporarily aswell as expecting payment for having your dniece child? The two definitely don’t mix well together.

She’s been completely reasonable and has probably agonised over this and how to tell you