DNiece won't let me look after DNephew because of Dog

[namechangedaunt]

Name changed as this is outing.

My niece is due to go back to work in 4 weeks after 8 months mat leave. I offered to look after her DS 3 days a week and she is paying me (not a massive amount- £450 a month so cheaper than a nursery).

A friend of a friend has recently been made homeless and needed their dog looking after for around 6 months (until they are housed). I offered and the dog has been with us for a week now. Dniece has met the dog and hasn’t seemed to have a problem. This morning I received the following email:

“Dear Auntie X,

Sorry to send this by email but I don’t want it to be awkward face to face.

I have found DS a nursery place from mid-December. Please don’t take it personally but we just don’t feel comfortable with Dog being around DS on a daily basis and think it would be best.

DS and Dog will have to be kept apart which isn’t fair on either of them- DS is at an age when he needs to be on the floor learning to play and crawl and stand; we would feel uneasy about him being left with Dog and it’s not feasible you can watch a baby every minute you’re looking after them. We’ve seen Dog display domineering behaviour (the mouthing, barking and growling) and think he’s got a way to go with his training yet.

We also feel that Dog’s barking, and you shouting at the barking, will create an atmosphere for DS that we’re not OK with.

I hope we can talk about it soon. Love you.

DNiece”

Dog is still a pup- just over 1- and I plan to train and discipline him while he’s with us. I wouldn’t leave the baby alone with him at all. He is naughty- he’s not had any boundaries and does bark (loudly) if ignored or left alone- but he’s not aggressive.

I think DNiece is being unfair; she also knows I was relying on the money she will pay me. She also has a dog at home.

What do I reply!?

Whilst I agree it is entirely up to your niece to decide her childminding arrangements and you will just have to accept it, I wanted to correct something from one of the other posters. Relatives do not have to be registered with OFSTED to get payment for childminding it would only be illegal if you tried to pay them with government vouchers or they did not declare the income.

daveprodrick I think what people are getting at is that she would need to declare her income.

OP could not become a nanny as suggested by a op as nannies look after a child in the child’s family home and the dog can not be left for more than half an hour let alone 3 whole days. Yes there is a clause where immediate family members can be looked after (I don’t think a child of a niece counts as immediate family) but accepting payment for this is not allowed. As pp stated, no ofsted does not operate in all of the uk but care inspectorate rules in Scotland are very similar re child minders. I’m a dog lover as are my dc but I’d never allow an 8 month old baby in that situation. I think it’s been a blessing in the long run though. If anything had happened to the child in your care and it was found you were taking payment but were unregistered, uninsured and untrained you could have found yourselves in a lot of trouble!

Family members do not have to be ofsted registered. They do if the child is not family or if payment from uc, wtc or childcare vouchers is involved.

So all those saying its illegal are wrong.

If its your money and no government money involved then ofsted registration does not apply. Many people still use friends and family for childcare and pay them but cant claim help towards these payments if the person is not ofsted registered.

Also the person would have to declare it for tax but why are so many people assuming its not declared??

I would rather use a trusted family member or friend for childcare than an ofsted registered person who i didnt know, but it seems im in the minority.

No wonder op hasnt been back though, what a witch hunt...

But yes i would do the same as the neice as a dog is a complete nono.

Don't be upset, especially if this is her first child.

She is just being risk adverse.

I agree, flirtygirl, there have been a lot of really nasty posts on this thread. I don’t know what posters want from the OP. She’s accepted her niece’s decision and that she was being unreasonable.

And yet FlirtyGirl felt the need to say the exact thing other posters have said. That she would have made the same decision as the neice.

Yes we all agreed that we would have done the same thing, so did I for that matter. But I do agree that it has become a witch hunt, which is what so often happens on here.

This whole ofsted is a load of bull when it comes to families

Why should a niece not pay her family member some cash for helping her out

How did famiiies cope before ofsted!

She has said it as nicely as she can - I didn't let the cat anywhere near my baby and would definitely not be happy with a dog that I didn't know.

OP you were unreasonable not getting you DN to approve your having the dog BEFORE you agreed to have it.
This may be one of the factors that led to her looking for a nursery place quite apart from the safety factors