DNiece won't let me look after DNephew because of Dog

[namechangedaunt]

Name changed as this is outing.

My niece is due to go back to work in 4 weeks after 8 months mat leave. I offered to look after her DS 3 days a week and she is paying me (not a massive amount- £450 a month so cheaper than a nursery).

A friend of a friend has recently been made homeless and needed their dog looking after for around 6 months (until they are housed). I offered and the dog has been with us for a week now. Dniece has met the dog and hasn’t seemed to have a problem. This morning I received the following email:

“Dear Auntie X,

Sorry to send this by email but I don’t want it to be awkward face to face.

I have found DS a nursery place from mid-December. Please don’t take it personally but we just don’t feel comfortable with Dog being around DS on a daily basis and think it would be best.

DS and Dog will have to be kept apart which isn’t fair on either of them- DS is at an age when he needs to be on the floor learning to play and crawl and stand; we would feel uneasy about him being left with Dog and it’s not feasible you can watch a baby every minute you’re looking after them. We’ve seen Dog display domineering behaviour (the mouthing, barking and growling) and think he’s got a way to go with his training yet.

We also feel that Dog’s barking, and you shouting at the barking, will create an atmosphere for DS that we’re not OK with.

I hope we can talk about it soon. Love you.

DNiece”

Dog is still a pup- just over 1- and I plan to train and discipline him while he’s with us. I wouldn’t leave the baby alone with him at all. He is naughty- he’s not had any boundaries and does bark (loudly) if ignored or left alone- but he’s not aggressive.

I think DNiece is being unfair; she also knows I was relying on the money she will pay me. She also has a dog at home.

What do I reply!?

My niece used to babysit my dc when they were younger. Until she took in some random dog, which I did not feel at all comfortable with. It turned out to be the right decision, as one year later, the dog they thought was great with children, literally snapped one day, and left my niece with 40 stitches across her face.
I cannot believe you think this is remotely unreasonable!

Who would you prefer to look after, baby or dog?
If baby then why not say no to looking after the dog because of how your niece feels?

I see myself as an unprecious mother but I'd be with your niece on this one, I'm afraid OP.

WOW! You are totally unreasonable. I’m not sure what is worse the fact that you’ll have an excited puppy around a young baby or that you’re charging £450. I pay £400 for 3 days a week in a central London nursery.

£450 isn't cheap for 3 days per week, even in London or other expensive cities. I would have made the same decision as your niece. You changed the goalposts by taking on the dog, so you can't then be upset when the new arrangement isn't one she feels comfortable with.

When you read about dog attacks it's often in the granny's house or the aunt's or uncles dog isn't it? It's like the dog sees the child often enough to become a threat but not often enough to accept them as part of it's family. This may well be the gentlest dog in the world but I can understand why she wouldn't want to take the risk.

I’m not sure what is worse the fact that you’ll have an excited puppy around a young baby or that you’re charging £450. I pay £400 for 3 days a week in a central London nursery.

Read the OP again.

She is having the child 3 days per week but charging £450 per month.

Id say £450 for 12 days care is cheap.

You're paying £1600 for 12 days in a month by your figures so this is extremely cheap.

All that said I dont like dogs as a general rule. Was bitten as a child. I could not leave a baby with an unpredictable dog around.

Yabvu I am a dog lover and was a childminder for a lot of years but I can't understand why you would think it is ok to take in an untrained pup a few weeks before a baby. You have put the dogs welfare above that of your niece's baby. I brought in a German Shepard pup to my household with toddlers but took all the minded children a couple of times a week to the kennels that we got the pup from to introduce them to each other slowly. It worked out really well but this is a totally different situation

Your niece sounds a sensible and excellent mum, you sound a dimbat. Sorry but how can you not see that? Random untrained friends young dog around small child?? Baffled that you think this is unreasonable. I think this is a reverse.

1. YABU
2. Unless you are a registered childminder doing a business transaction YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO CHARGE YOUR NIECE FOR BABYSITTING.
3. The dog is from a “friend of a friend” and you put it before family. You are such a nice person (not)

You cannot behave like this and think it’s ok, and you can’t sort the world’s homeless problems.

It looks like you have to choose between the income and the dog.

It also looks like you didn't ask her if she was happy for you to have a young dog around. So, you changed the conditions of service and she sought alternatives.
Good for her.

I will be paying £420 per month fof 3 days a week in a nursery. Regardless of whether you think it's "fair" if a mother feels her child may be at risk or their needs not met, "being fair" is the least of her worries.

Do you think you were being reasonable by making this decision without discussion and therefore meaning she had to find childcare at short notice? My son will have been on the list for nursery for 7 months when he starts and I was just able to get a place.

Im calling reverse.

However if it isnt it is

1. are you planning on declaring the money?
2. of course you should be charging way less than a nursery as you have no insurance, first aid, qualifications, ofted registration or any obligation to follow the EYFS.
3. She is perfectly entitled to not want her baby around a puppy three days per week
4. you managing without that money? If not maybe you need to get some (or some more) paid employment?

I will be paying £420 per month fof 3 days a week in a nursery.

Can no one read the OP?

Its 3 days a week but £450 a month.

So it's £112.50 a week in actual fact.

Namasteniki. You didn’t read my post correctly. I pay £398 a month and my child attends 3 days a week!

Namaste - that is what that quote is. Three days a week, proce quoted is per month.

Namasteniki I’m not sure you’re reading others posts correctly. Mrsyorkie is paying £420 a MONTH for 3 DAYS a week?

I agree with her, and think she has handled it well and nicely. YOu can't train a puppy at the same time as looking after a mobile baby. And do them both well. IME.

"Dog is a staff crossbreed"

Please don't pump out this "nanny dog" crap about staffies.

I would feel exactly the same as your niece. She has written you a really nice email and I think you need to respect her well thought out reasons for her choice. I would still feel slightly hurt though and that is understandable, but accepting her decision with good grace is probably the best way forward.

Sorry OP.. I agree with most posters... your Niece has done the right thing.. I wouldn't trust your friends dog around the Baby...

OP I have to admit I did not read the end of your post. I still think £450 is steep but as you were relying on it your neice should have spoken to you before finding a nursery to see if there could have been some alternative arrangement with the dog.
Also the fact she has a dog i’d assume she’d be more sympathetic to you. But remember she knows her dog and your one not so well. I see where both of you are coming from. But she should have discussed it with you first.

It's a reasonable decision, and safer for the child and the dog. Please remember that dogs that bite rarely get a second chance, no matter the circumstances. I'm not saying the dog would bite but if he's a pup and still be trained, you just don't know. Better for both in the short-term and then take the DS after the dog goes back to his family? Btw, you've got a big heart to take in the pup! :-)

You were being unreasonable for taking in the dog without giving her fair warning. I wouldn't want a dog around such a small child either.

What's a reverse?