DNiece won't let me look after DNephew because of Dog

[namechangedaunt]

Name changed as this is outing.

My niece is due to go back to work in 4 weeks after 8 months mat leave. I offered to look after her DS 3 days a week and she is paying me (not a massive amount- £450 a month so cheaper than a nursery).

A friend of a friend has recently been made homeless and needed their dog looking after for around 6 months (until they are housed). I offered and the dog has been with us for a week now. Dniece has met the dog and hasn’t seemed to have a problem. This morning I received the following email:

“Dear Auntie X,

Sorry to send this by email but I don’t want it to be awkward face to face.

I have found DS a nursery place from mid-December. Please don’t take it personally but we just don’t feel comfortable with Dog being around DS on a daily basis and think it would be best.

DS and Dog will have to be kept apart which isn’t fair on either of them- DS is at an age when he needs to be on the floor learning to play and crawl and stand; we would feel uneasy about him being left with Dog and it’s not feasible you can watch a baby every minute you’re looking after them. We’ve seen Dog display domineering behaviour (the mouthing, barking and growling) and think he’s got a way to go with his training yet.

We also feel that Dog’s barking, and you shouting at the barking, will create an atmosphere for DS that we’re not OK with.

I hope we can talk about it soon. Love you.

DNiece”

Dog is still a pup- just over 1- and I plan to train and discipline him while he’s with us. I wouldn’t leave the baby alone with him at all. He is naughty- he’s not had any boundaries and does bark (loudly) if ignored or left alone- but he’s not aggressive.

I think DNiece is being unfair; she also knows I was relying on the money she will pay me. She also has a dog at home.

What do I reply!?

Is this a reverse?

It's amazing how stupid people can get over dogs. Of course an untrained young dog shouldn't be around a crawling baby
You would be breaking the law to charge her for childcare too

Re the posts asking if OP is being paid for dog sitting - she said she's taken the dog because the owner has become homeless, so I seriously doubt it.

Best way to fix this is to help friend find another home for the dog - or for herself.

I have a dog and 2 pre schoolers (dog was with us first), and there’s no way I’d leave my baby with someone who has a young, untrained, ‘naughty’, loud staffie cross.
I think you’ve made some bad decisions here. Agreeing to have the dog because you’d be home with DN anyway, without consulting your niece about the change in arrangements was a huge mistake.

Also, if you’re being paid for 3 days childcare on a regular basis you need to be ofsted registered and have your home inspected.

To answers PP no I’m not registered and yes it was cash (I’m not on benefits though or on my arse- just relying on the extra money to pay some specific)

And no, am not being paid to have dog but owner is paying for all expenses.

Have replied to DN to say I respect her decision.

Why on earth didn't you check with your niece first before agreeing to take the dog that she didn't have any objections? Why assume just because she had a dog she would be ok?

£450 is£34 a day, so not much cheaper than a nursery
But at least the niece is paying for peace of mind

YABU. Introducing a young, unknown, undisciplined dog into a situation with a crawling babe was very thoughtless.. She's being very sensible in moving her babe to somewhere safer. If I were her, I'd be absolutely livid that you did this.

If you weren't registered then what you were planning was illegal.

So you wanted to get paid cash in hand avoid affecting over income and yet you don’t seem to understand your nieces point of view. £450 is far to much for the number of days from a family member

Agree with everyone else. Those who are saying, well, send the dog back - I think the ship's sailed. Now that she's sorted out proper professional childcare, why would she go back to unreliable unregistered family costing nearly as much?
You've blown it, OP.

Looks like you’ve got a name change fail Op.

Why have you changed name again half way through a thread? Your posts aren't highlighted anymore, some people will miss them.

This child’s mother shouldn’t have ever considered paying you for childcare, you’re not registered, you’re not providing anything like the setting of a good professional CM.

Nursery will be better for her child.

You are being MASSIVELY unreasonable. Firstly, any dog that is 'naughty' is not safe around a young child. Secondly, a Staffie is most definitely unsafe. And thirdly, in appalled that you think the fact you need the money should make this massive risk worth taking. To be honest, you don't sound like the type of person who I would want minding my child anyway, as you've shown a real lack of concern for the welfare of this child.

I think DNiece is being unfair; she also knows I was relying on the money she will pay me.

If you are reliant on the income, there must be a fair few jobs out there that would pay at least £450 pm.

She also has a dog at home.

Presumably one that she trusts.

Your niece sounds disappointingly eminently polite and sensible. Nothing to see here.

You made a choice to keep the dog for your friend which was incredibly kind of you. I’m a dog person but I’m sorry I have to agree entirely with your niece, it’s her son and if she is not comfortable you have to accept that and move on. If she is saying she is not happy with the behaviour he has displayed I’d be concerned and would not put my child at risk. 1yr old dog is not really a puppy and could do a lot of damage very quickly to a crawling baby. If he has had no boundaries and behaviour issues you have to accept this is a risk.

I think this is a reverse too, but it doesn't matter. OP, it was foolish of you to take on the dog with the commitment you made to your niece.

You've made your bed and you'll have to lie in it.

Your niece has completely done the right thing.

Even if you don't get benefits you should declare your income and pay tax if appropriate (depending on other sources of income). Sounds like it was dodgy to start with and with the dog in the mix it just wasn't working in the little one's benefit rly.

All the (registered) Childminder’s my DS has been with have had dogs (& cats) but I was aware of that when placing him with them.

If they were planning to get an additional dog I’d expect them to communicate that to me first so that I could make a decision.

The OP would be exempt from registering with Ofsted so long as the only child she is paid to look after is a family member. www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/645611/Exemptions_EY_and_childcare_reg_handbook.pdf

You would need to inform the tax office and declare the earnings.

But that's by the by as the niece has made her decision (which I agree with).

Just wondering if you were relying on the cash why on earth you offered to take the dog. 99% of parents wound have an issue with and you are going to struggle to find anyone to leave a child with you in those circumstances. You honestly only have yourself to blame.

If you are reliant on the money then you should have considered that before you agreed to look after the dog. You moved the goalposts not your niece. I may be jumping to conclusions but I suspect you're being paid to look after the dog.

I think this is a reverse too, but it doesn't matter. OP, it was foolish of you to take on the dog with the commitment you made to your niece.

It occurred to me the moment I clicked ‘post’ on my previous post, that this was probably a reverse.

But OP is now posting under a different username and says she’s accepted the decision.