DNiece won't let me look after DNephew because of Dog

[namechangedaunt]

Name changed as this is outing.

My niece is due to go back to work in 4 weeks after 8 months mat leave. I offered to look after her DS 3 days a week and she is paying me (not a massive amount- £450 a month so cheaper than a nursery).

A friend of a friend has recently been made homeless and needed their dog looking after for around 6 months (until they are housed). I offered and the dog has been with us for a week now. Dniece has met the dog and hasn’t seemed to have a problem. This morning I received the following email:

“Dear Auntie X,

Sorry to send this by email but I don’t want it to be awkward face to face.

I have found DS a nursery place from mid-December. Please don’t take it personally but we just don’t feel comfortable with Dog being around DS on a daily basis and think it would be best.

DS and Dog will have to be kept apart which isn’t fair on either of them- DS is at an age when he needs to be on the floor learning to play and crawl and stand; we would feel uneasy about him being left with Dog and it’s not feasible you can watch a baby every minute you’re looking after them. We’ve seen Dog display domineering behaviour (the mouthing, barking and growling) and think he’s got a way to go with his training yet.

We also feel that Dog’s barking, and you shouting at the barking, will create an atmosphere for DS that we’re not OK with.

I hope we can talk about it soon. Love you.

DNiece”

Dog is still a pup- just over 1- and I plan to train and discipline him while he’s with us. I wouldn’t leave the baby alone with him at all. He is naughty- he’s not had any boundaries and does bark (loudly) if ignored or left alone- but he’s not aggressive.

I think DNiece is being unfair; she also knows I was relying on the money she will pay me. She also has a dog at home.

What do I reply!?

I would never leave my child in a childminders with a dog, or any household situation.
Apart from the physical risk, there is also a hygiene issue, particularly with kids at crawling stage.

Not everyone likes dogs.

I hope this is one of those annoying reverse posts. DN sounds wonderful, despite having being put in a tricky position, she is positive, polite and avoiding blaming her aunt. I wouldn’t have managed all of those things!

Agreed that DN is being reasonable and it's got to be her choice. You're saying the dog can't be left alone more than half an hour so this implies you were planning to be at home all day everyday your nephew was with you which seems pretty crap for him. You cannot provide the stimulation a nursery provides so you need to be going out and about with a young one in my view.

However - to the pp saying that's not a breed you would choose to have with young kids - your opinion but it goes against the views of breed experts - staffies are amongst the safest around children!
Again not condone young untrained puppy in new environment with young child away from mum for the first time etc - that's the key here, not the breed!

I’d do exactly the same as your niece.

I’d be doing the same as your Neice.

If you really need the money then the dog has to go.

Agree with niece. I would do the same.

she also knows I was relying on the money she will pay me

Are you re register CM or is this a bit of cash in hand ?

This is all a bit post and run, why bother posting if your not going to come back and address the points and questions

FWIW I think she has been quite brave in saying no, I know a lot of people who would go along with something they felt uncomfortable with just to avoid ‘rocking the boat’

There will have been well and poorly trained Staffs and retrievers that have gone for children. No breed is 100% reliable. I wouldn't leave a young child where there was an unruly dog, either.

Oblada i'm glad you said it re breed!! Staffs are one of the best dogs with kids. Any dog, big or small, can pose a risk untrained. Let's not fall into the DM trap of breed shaming

I assume you are in the uk?
I would have done exactly the same in this situation...i would not have left my baby with you and I say that as someone who has always had a dog
You do know that (as others have said) if you are being paid for any childcare in your home, even by family, that you need to be a registered childminder??

TBH I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t pay family 450 a month for 3 days of childcare, especially if they aren’t qualified. And you’re dog doesn’t sound suitable to be around a baby.

Is your friend paying you to look after the dog?

I totally agree with your niece!
her email was very polite and she explained her worries very well, there is no way i would leave my baby in a home with a dog ( unless the dog was an outside dog and NEVER came inside) and even then i would worry about dog hair and him being taken outside with the dog! ( i dont even like cats in a house with a baby either )

YABU. She's worried about the safety of her child and you know nothing about this dog because you have only had it for a week. It's your home so you have every right to take in a dog if you choose. Just as your niece has every right to decide that she does not want her son looked after in a setting where there is a new dog present.

And as for it being unfair because you need the money - find a job!

A staff crossbreed - god knows what it's crossed with, which is for all intents and purposes is unknown to you, because it's not your dog, with questionable behaviour should not be around a baby.

I don't care what people say about them being good around kids bla bla - the fact is that they are highly strung, incredibly energetic dogs, who can be unpredictable. Some may be sane enough to keep around children but there are many who definitely are not. Which category does this one fall into?

I notice the op isn't answering the registration question nor if she's being paid for the dog sitting.

I would have done the same, and I'm a dog owner. You're the the one who changed the circs, you only have yourself to blame.

Also worth noting that you weren't charging a particularly discounted rate. Are you Ofsted registered and checked? As you really shouldn't be charging anything if you are not.

I would feel the same to be honest if I was your niece as I am not keen on dogs around children

The money she’d be paying you, are you a registered child minder because I believe there are rules about payment for childcare

"If she'll be paying you then presumably you've sorted out an ofsted registration (as it would have been illegal otherwise) "

Were you aware of this ^^

Please come back and let us know that you are OK with the unanimous consensus.

You could always offer to babysit your nephew at your niece's house instead when she wants to go out.

I do not blame her at all. I would never have a baby/small child around a dog. As much as I love dogs they can just snap for no good reason so I have a healthy respect for them and agree with your niece x

I am a dog lover and I would help a friend out too butnin this instance you’ve taken in a dog with no concern for previous agreed arrangements. I am with your niece in this one. You’ve not thought this though at all.

Basically you’ve put the dog before your nephew.

I’ll not start on being a registered CM and you being set up as being self employed etc with the inland revenue.

I don't blame her, I would have done exactly the same.

However I wouldn't be paying the same as nursery here for a non qualified childminder. I'd rather have a professional with access to a full range of toys and activities as well as learning to mix with other children.

You were very naive to assume the dog wouldn't be an issue for her. I didn't let mine anywhere near houses with dogs without me with them. Dogs can be lovely but very unpredictable.

If this is a reverse, I would ask you OP:
For that money is your Aunt first aid trained? Have Food Hygeine training? Does she have all insurances to cover anything that might happen in the house? Is she paying tax etc or is it cash-in-hand and not declared? Are you paying an amount that in a nursery or at a registered CM would include these overheads?

Is there an arrangement that has been agreed for sickness, holidays etc?

These family based arrangements can go quickly wrong, as the OP demonstrates.

Your niece sounds like an excellent mother, and has obviously done the right thing.
Why would anyone leave their child with a dog that isn't trained.