To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

Emily you're still not getting it. What if the 3 jumpers your dh shrunk you had specifically asked him not to touch and even put them in a seperate basket to help him remember

I did tell him to leave my jumpers and he did it a further two times because I'd put them in the wash basket.

But in the grand scheme of things, to me, it's nothing. I don't think DH has no respect for me because this happened. It's three tiny events comparable to everything else he does and the good outweighs the bad times, the bad times are literally non existent.

This is why I said I'd forgive the knicker situation if that's all he is doing. Now if he was constantly ruining her clothes each wash on a weekly basis I'd be more pissed off and I'd have something to say about it.

But then I'm very aware that any mishaps by DH ultimately end up with advice of divorce and turned into episodes of some form of abuse.

Brabenot, you seem to be wilfully misconstruing what I am saying and twisting every phrase I use. Of course DH is cleaning his own house and looking after his own children. I'm not the one who has endured 27 years of misery, so I might just seek marriage counselling from elsewhere, if needed, if you don't mind. I'm sure you can find some other misguided soul to rescue.

And I ruined one of dh's t-shirts in dryer, yesterday. I don't make a habit of it, though.

Nice post, but still, nobody said to leave him after "one" occasion, which was what you pretended people said on this thread

I'm pretending fuck all. People on here have said leave him, that he doesn't care because of the knickers. That's once situation that's occured 10 times in 10 years.

One jumper here and there, that was mixed with the washing is very different from a set of expensive underwear that was in a separate basket and he has been told not to touch

DH washed my jumper, it shrunk. I grumbled, I said don't wash any of my jumpers again, he did it another two times before he clocked on to actually leave my jumpers alone. All this within a 4 month period. If I was putting one jumper a year in the wash and he washed it, I wouldn't me mad. He sees washing in a basket, he does it, end of.

But if you want to keep posting stupid posts, go ahead

Stupid posts? Because you don't like I think differently to you? Because I don't agree with you?

You don't like my opinion, don't bother replying but certainly don't imply my replies are stupid because they don't fit in with what you think is right or wrong.

Emily dh washed your jumpers again twice but then realised and stopped. OP's husband didn't stop.

I wouldn't leave him over this but I'd wipe his toothbrush round the bog! 😆 'love you mumumumu' 😉

PickAChew you have a grown man who can't work a washer. If that doesn't bother you, fair enough.

because my point is that you can do stupid things, like shrink jumpers, make washing mistakes, and it not be part of some abusive masterplan.

The Op knows whether he's doing it deliberately or is just someone (like me) who makes mistakes when in a hurry.

If he's abusive and this is a strategy on his part, Op should of course get the hell out. I didn't see that from the posts so far though, just that she thinks he's totally thoughtless.

Being a bit thoughtless once a year isn't LTB stuff.

I think the OP has explained what the issues are - he doesn't bloody listen and he won't bloody learn.

Yes, this. Whoever upthread says it’s about dismissing her requests as “irrelevant woman-wittering” that don’t need to be listened to has it right for a lot of these men. My dad did this and my brother does it too - if you’re saying something he doesn’t class as important you have to make the same point about eight times before it starts vaguely sinking in. It is so, so frustrating. (And by the time he does decide to pay attention, you’ve got so annoyed about repeating yourself again and again and again that he thinks you’re being irrational for sounding angry with him, so he doesn’t hear it then either!)

No one accidentally washes items in the hand wash only basket 10 times. Once or twice? Possibly. The OP told him repeatedly not to wash those items. He pulled them out so he could make up a full load.

It was not an accident, it wasn't because he was rushing. He made a decision to wash her underwear, knowing full well she wants them hand washed, so he could make up a full load of washing.

And he has done it ten times.

Perhaps I have very high expectations but if I tell my husband once to not wash my stuff in the hand wash only basket then I expect him to leave them alone. Not hunt around in there for white items to wash.

It was not an accident, he didn't forget.

For me it wouldn’t be LTB bit I would be furious and I would be having A Talk about my wishes being disregarded and disrespected.

You’ve made the effort to separate the delicates. You haven’t asked him to wash them. He has done this 9 separate times before. He should have just left them alone.

Let’s say he accidentally put the wrong type of fuel in the car and ended up with an expensive bill. Would those pp still think it was normal and understandable for him to repeat that mistake YEARLY for 10 YEARS? Of course not.

The Op knows whether he's doing it deliberately or is just someone (like me) who makes mistakes when in a hurry.

The OP seems to think it's more than a mistake in a hurry. Will you listen to her?

I'm pretending fuck all. People on here have said leave him, that he doesn't care because of the knickers. That's once situation that's occured 10 times in 10 years.

Read this very slowly. 1 x 10 is 10, not 1.

It's not one pair of knickers mixed in the wash. It's a whole bunch in a FUCKING SEPARATE BASKET.

Plus, wiring a plug is really, REALLY easy. Any fool can do it

Oh I'm sure. Ive just never needed to. Most of my stuff is sealed units.

the op hasn't said that she thinks it is a deliberately abusive strategy which is why I said it sounds as though they could do with counselling as he's not getting that she feels not listened to.

Suggesting counselling wasn't not listening...there is a middle ground between advising someone to leave their (not on the face of it abusive) DH and laughing it off.

My just 4 year old knows how to select the different programmes on the washer and turn it on.

Mybestfriend but why does OP need counselling? It's HIS problem. Dh should give OP money and whilst she is having a leisurely shop for lingerie, HE should be at counselling with HIS problem.

marriage counselling obviously - because the DH clearly doesn't understand how important an issue this is for his DW. Individual counselling for the DH would help but they need to talk so the DH can explain that there isn't malign intent behind this, he's really just not very good at doing washing.

Of course anyone can leave a marriage at any time for good reason, bad reason or no reason at all. This, on the surface of it, seems like it might be fixable. If Op's had enough of him after 10 years and this is the last straw then it is what it is...

Namaste you've missed the point again. You previously said you didn't know how to change a plug so that was used as an example, not sealed ones. I'm presuming that after being shown once or twice you would get it? Not change them wrongly 10 times, costing your dh time and money?

the op hasn't said that she thinks it is a deliberately abusive strategy which is why I said it sounds as though they could do with counselling as he's not getting that she feels not listened to.

She's fed up. If she thought it was simple mistake she wouldn't be here considering leaving him.
He needs counselling, if anything, not her.

they need to talk so the DH can explain that there isn't malign intent behind this, he's really just not very good at doing washing.

Seriously, fuck that.
How do you know?

And this is not a matter of not being very good at doing washing if the OP had to put A SEPARATE BASKET FOR HER UNDIES.
He took her stuff from the separate basket. Why? It's not a simple mistake.

Well this thread has actually helped me. I've learnt that there are many other people who can't take the simplest information in despite having it explained over and over again. Is it thickness, ignorance or just a wind-up? which is something I ask myself daily about dh. Thank you for this thread OP.

Read this very slowly. 1 x 10 is 10, not 1

It's not one pair of knickers mixed in the wash. It's a whole bunch in a FUCKING SEPARATE BASKET.

Honestly, you need go and make a cuppa or get yourself off the Internet for a break.

I don't care that you don't agree with me. But caps locking your post to make it "shouty" doesn't mean I'm going to curtail to your way of thinking.

We disagree, stop going on. It really is that easy. The one difference is though, I accept your view point and know that it's different to mine. You can't seem to do that.

I've learnt that there are many other people who can't take the simplest information in despite having it explained over and over again. Is it thickness, ignorance or just a wind-up?

This.

We disagree, stop going on.

Only because you keep calling an apple a banana.