To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

MrsHathaway and you allowed tbis specimen to get you pregnant?!

Hand wash, what's that? Surely the delicate cycle is adequate for such things. Next thing you'll be telling us you iron stuff!

YABU. If you don’t like how he washes your laundry wash it yourself.

FFS.

lipstick, I rather think your point is made for you by my DH's reaction to the OP's DH's incompetence/malice. A good DH would react as mine did. I didn't ask my DH why someone would behave so stupidly. My take, however, is that the OP's DH is doing it deliberately, and I would treat that very seriously.

MrsHathaway and you allowed this specimen to get you pregnant?!

Nothing wrong with his genetics. And fantastic in the sack.

dunno, you're posting on MN which seems fairly non-essential

You’re absolutely right Jacques, but I was sat on the loo needing something to pass the time, so here I was, which is generally the only place I get chance to read these days. (Currently having a wee....)

Nothing wrong with his genetics.

I don't know, if he really is too thick to recognise when washing needs doing, he sounds like a bit of an evolutionary throwback to me.

MrsHathaway fair play!

FFS. There are some really thick posters on this thread. Also far too many women with low standards.

Why are people married to men who can't use a washing machine? My 8 year old knows how to use the washing machine. Where the fuck is your self respect?

How hard is it to read the fucking OP's posts? How hard is it to comprehend what the OP is saying?

YANBU OP. He ruined your items and it wasn't an accident. He just has no respect for your stuff.

[!www.google.co.uk/amp/s/mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/amp/]]

I'll just leave this article here.
It's not really about the underwear, they're just the straw that broke the camel's back.

clicky link

I had a two year old who could put liquid in the right compartment and turn it onto the right programme.

he is autistic and he loved nothing more than sitting in his carseat and watching the washing go round for two hours at a time though, so was alittle more interested than most in this.

YANBU OP. Just asked DP what he would do, he said he would leave the separate stuff for me to do and then I asked him what it would mean if he had done what your DH had done (once, never mind multiple times). His answer was that he would do it just to piss me off.

There is another possibility. Could he have had some ‘fun’ with your dirty underwear and..erm.. soiled them and thrown them in the wash to hide the evidence?

OP here again. Well - this certainly caused a stir! Thank you to those who have read the thread, understood and empathized. But I’m checking out now as the abuse on here - being called an idiot and an old hag and so on - because I was unhappy at something of mine being repeatedly damaged is disgusting and totally uncalled for. So what if I choose to hand wash my undergarments. That’s my prerogative. My AIBU was around whether DH was wrong for willfully damage my property, I wasn’t asking for a full on interrogation about why my undies aren’t 20 pairs for a fiver off the market!

It leaves me wondering if I’d made up an item, like my car, or laptop say, the responses might have been different... But a woman concerned about something as frivolous as underwear? Nope - she’s to blame for daring to have nice things in the first place

It leaves me wondering if I’d made up an item, like my car, or laptop say, the responses might have been different... But a woman concerned about something as frivolous as underwear? Nope - she’s to blame for daring to have nice things in the first place

Don't forget you also have to be grateful that he knows how to use the washing machine too...

If it gets worse, try Relationships. You tend to get people with more understanding comprehension skills on there.

Sprinkle, sadly this is typical AIBU, where posters remove their brains ready for a battle.

Lucked, someone else mentioned that up thread. That's disgusting, absolutely vile. I would divorce for that.

It is, actually, all right for an adult to hate doing laundry and not do it. IF that adult does a fair share of other domestic tasks, including the boring ones, and the stinky, messy ones. If you live with a partner and there is one household task you hate, it's OK to trade that one off with your partner (I hate cooking, therefore I will do all the washing up/ I hate laundry, therefore I will do all the bedmaking and dusting). But tht's not what's going on with OP. Her H is destroying her belongings, repeatedly, and fucking up other household tasks to demonstrate to OP that all this stuff is Not His Problem. And that she should be grateful he does any housework at all. And that she is wrong to want nice things that belong to her alone.

I feel your pain OP. My DH once put a £500 dry clean only business suit in the washine machine. The trousers came out like pedal-pushers. It was 17 years ago and I’m still not happy about it.

OP, I 100% understand where you are coming from, yes it may seem trivial and not worth worrying about to others, but I know the constant infuriating frustrating and annoying things my husband does “incorrectly “ which leaves me feeling downright disregarded and disrespected.. I am lucky enough to only have to work part time so I end up feeling badly if I nag him about it but I have the kind of personality that can only hold things in for so long and it eventually blows up into a huge argument... I’m due our first baby in Feb, we live here on our own as in we have no family in this country and I’m already dreading to think about the arguments coming our way when baby arrives as I already look after the house, the puppy, work 3 or 4 days a week and now with baby due I’ve told him I won’t have the time or energy to be picking up after him too but it seems to go in one ear and out the other...

You’re quite entitled to have whatever nice things you like, as is he, and all you’re asking for is a bit of thought and consideration of your property and most importantly your feelings. My DH and I had a bit of a text conversation last week about the house and he realised how upset I was but I think I’ll have to have another face to face soon.. and I think that’s what you need to do too... a calm environment with no distractions and try to explain to him that this just isn’t about underwear, this is about him doing tasks in his own house that will not add to the overall workload but decrease it, if he’s not sure about something to ask and basically grow up and take responsibility for the house you share and realise that you are not on this planet to pick up after him or fix the mistakes that he makes... if he doesn’t change his behaviour after this or if itt seems like he’s not even trying then yes you may consider leaving the relationship which may seem drastic and over dramatic but you will need to ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life infuriated and frustrated and constantly getting upset over the same thing over and over... I wish you luck xx

What do they do if Mummy/wife is ill or away - just stare in bafflement at the dirty clothes and the strange magic box?

Mine probably would! He makes up for it by pulling his weight elsewhere, though. He's just brought me tea in bed and is making the boys' breakfasts. While all the flashy numbers and dials on the front of our machine may baffle him, he's been known to repair them, eg replacing worn brushes and faulty valves. He even managed to get a refund for the faulty valve as the machine was only a couple of months out of warranty.

It's about teamwork, though, isn't it, and OP's H is not playing his part in the team then acts all wounded when he does something destructive. I had a scary chemistry teacher at school who would say "once is an accident, more than once is carelessness". This guy has gone beyond carelessness to deliberately doing the wrong thing even though OP has made it very easy for him not to.

TiaMe, I've sent a few posts trying to give the 27 years of experience that I have. Even been to Relate about it. You're making the same mistakes I did. You think it's something special that a grown man is making his own sons breakfast. Think about what you're saying, he's simply feeding his own sons. That's not pulling his weight, that's just a normal thing to do. Mending a few things then pretending he doesn't know how go work it is a classic example. We're all being bloody conned. What I've been trying to say to OP or anyone in this situation is get out while you still can, it's too late for me. One lady suggested that my dh may just have a really bad memory because he can't even remember what I've asked for on my toast. NO, he's just not bloody listening!! I now have IBS which is probably caused by the stress of 27 years of constant frustration. Nowadays I just bite my tongue and I csn actually feel it making my stomach hurt. So to be blunt, I'm saying to everyone who's looking after a manchild (as you are and OP and others, get out while you can.

Sorry, it's PickAChew whose dh is feeding his own sons and pretending he can't work a washer. But same message from me, open your eyes ladies!

I bet he wouldn't put his ties or dry clean suits, or expensive trainers, or gym gear (if he has them) in a hot wash no matter how bad he was at washing.