To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

PickAChew, the post about the boys breakfast and dh fixing the washer but baffled on how to use it was meant for you. Do you realise what you're saying? In years to come it won't be funny at all, you'll be ill and drained like myself and many other ladies.

Or men, come to that, if it's the other way round.

because I was unhappy at something of mine being repeatedly damaged

You say repeatedly, how often though? Every week? Every day? You original post said repeatedly and then it has happened once a year for the last 10 years.

There's obviously issues in the marriage, more than a pair of pants being ruined and your opening post was too vague. You complained that he ruined a pair of pants then complained you don't want to do all the washing then said he continually ruins your stuff but ruins your pants once a year.

So, I think yes yabu to divorce over a pair of pants being ruined but yanbu if this is happening with all your possessions on a daily basis.

I've ruined or messed up plenty of washloads, so has DH but we both know it wasn't intentional, though we should have been divorced the first time it happened by logic on here.

I think the OP has explained what the issues are - he doesn't bloody listen and he won't bloody learn.

My exP was like this. He would not be told, and then he'd fly off in a huff when things went wrong in utterly and completely predictable ways and I got annoyed. It's incredibly irritating behaviour and it shows a kind of disrespect for the other person's priorities and wishes, and in this case for their fancy knickers too

though we should have been divorced the first time it happened by logic on here.

Is that what you took from the thread? Really? The mind boggles.

I can do almost any domestic task. Almost.

If I had to change a plug Id be stumped. Most are sealed units now but not all.

Does it make me undateable?

Does inability to do one chore when they do everything else make it grounds for divorce.

Emilychambers, OP has said repeatedly that she has a separate handwash items only basket which she has her husband NOT TO TOUCH. M

Her husband has persisted in putting the handwash basket he HOULS NOT TOUCH into the washing.

That’s upsetting OP.

I’d be upset if my DP consistently for the past ten years once a year put a load of my hand my clothes which were in a SEPARATED wash basket I had repeatedly asked him not to touch into the wash ruining all my clothes.

But then I wouldn’t be with the twat for that long and I’d shove all his expensive favourite clothing items into a boil wash before I left.

Again my mother ruined my hand wash bras by throwing them in a machine. I used to wonder why my bras started to look mangled when I stayed with her.

She put my gym clothes on radiators to dry which destroys the elastic and the sweat wick fabric.

And the ultimate was she took a dry clean only suit and fucking machine washed it and destroyed it. It would fit a 10 year old when it came out.

People often do stupid stuff.

Should i go nc with my mother over it who arguably should know how to do laundry.

You say repeatedly, how often though? Every week? Every day? You original post said repeatedly and then it has happened once a year for the last 10 years.

Fucking hell.

Hundreds of pounds every year, plus having to replace them (see bra fitting threads), is not a minor thing.

Bloody hell. I can remember my son's favourite pizza. How hard is it not to mess with the hand wash basket?

The posters who don't understand seem to have brains like my dh, so it's definitely not just men then! Assuming the posters are ladies of course, which I suppose I shouldn't do.

I didn't give those examples as the one thing he does. He mucks in with everything else, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, ironing, making beds, mopping the floor, cleaning windows. He works full time and I don't. I never mow the lawn or wash the car.

My ex was a filthy pig who went as far as to employ a cleaner to do his share of tasks when I tried to get him off his lazy arse. i ended up paying someone a tenner an hour to pick up days worth of dirty dishes from his desk and load the dishwasher, ffs. And it was me because ex wasn't organised enough to care about having the money to hand to pay for his own cleaner.

DH not being able to operate the washer without hand holding is not a problem in this family. He is a grafter and often pops round to his mum's to do stuff for her as well as looking after his own home. You're jumping on the case of the wrong guy, here.

And DH and I have been together 15 years, brabenot. Honestly, save your pity for someone who needs it.

ReanimatedSGB and NaiceBuscuits I agree with both posts.

My 13 yr old DS is perfectly capable of doing the washing, he simply traded the hoovering with the rest of us because he hates washing but fine with the hoover. But will do a load if it's needed, along with the associated sorting of clothing, etc.

It really isn't rocket science, and I refuse to have any future partner of his treated shabbily.

"If I had to change a plug Id be stumped. Most are sealed units now but not all.

Does it make me undateable?"

No, but it's not analogous.

The analogy would be if you insisted on changing the plug in a different way, despite having been repeatedly shown the correct way, and managed to destroy a load of expensive electrical equipment by causing a power surge. And you did this once a year, every year, for 10 years.

I mean, don't you think it would start to appear just a BIT odd if you did that, over and over and over again? Especially if your partner was actually upset by the loss of the electrical kit?

Plus, wiring a plug is really, REALLY easy. Any fool can do it.

Namaste you're not getting it. If someone explained to you once or twice how to change a plug, that would be it. We're talking about men who have things explained over and over again but still don't "remember". Some things are small and just irritating and some things are huge and can cause big problems.

Fucking hell

What's your problem? I see continually as doing something on a daily or weekly basis, not once a year.

If he was boiling her knickers on a weekly basis I'd be pissed off. But once a year? I'm assuming she washes her knickers more than once a year, therefore he isn't doing it weekly, it just happens, for some bizarre reason, he decides once a year to shove them in the wash.

It's not like he can't work the washing machine as he does the washing.

PickAChew sorry if I've offended you but it still stands that you have a dh who needs hand holding to do some washing and you seem to think it's a favour to feed his oen sons. All the other chores are not "mucking in", they're simply chores. ie: if you do the chores is that classed as mucking in? No, you're just doing the chores.

Agree with SGB that it's actually acceptable to allocate household tasks by how much you like doing them, so long as it's zero sum.

Swapping frequent laundry for frequent washing up is one thing; getting out of laundry by saying you'll be the one to take the Christmas tree to the tip once a year would be mugging off!

Is that what you took from the thread? Really? The mind boggles

Really sweetheart, don't let your little mind boggle.

He's boiled her knickers 10 times in 10 years and she has been advised that he doesn't want her to have nice things, he's controlling, he's abusive, he doesn't care about her and no she wouldn't be unreasonable to divorce/leave him. Based solely on the knicker situation.

DH has shrunk 3 of my jumpers, I've shrunk one of his and also machine washed socks I shouldn't have. All in the last two years.

Applying the above logic and advice given on here, we don't care about each other, we don't respect each others property, we don't want each other to have nice things so we wouldn't be unreasonable to divorce.

So yes, that's what I took from this post.

My husband did this once, which was annoying. He now doesn't wash anything of mine at all because it's "too complicated", which is even more annoying- just read the labels and don't assume white = boil wash.

However, in the scheme of things it is hardly a big deal.

If he was boiling her knickers on a weekly basis I'd be pissed off. But once a year?

my favourite hand wash only set cost me in the region of £100. my girdle alone was £65 and thats hand wash only. My sports bras are £40+. You bet Id be pissed off even if it was only once a year. Good Undies make me fucking fantastic and I am sure its the same for the OP, so the DH destroying undies just once a year is not only a huge financial cost its also a 'fuck you I don' care if they make you feel fantastic, that these are important to you' Its not about the fact the item was ruined its what ruining the item says to the OP about her DH and the fact he doesn' listen to a very simple instruction my 10yo SEN DC has figured out.

My DH did all DS's school uniform and his work stuff on a boil wash this weekend as he doesn't bother looking at the dial and I'd run some baking soda and vinegar through the machine to give it a clean. He just expects it to be on 'his' setting. Unfortunately he won't learn from it, and will do exactly the same thing again at some point in the future.

EmilyChambers79

Nice post, but still, nobody said to leave him after "one" occasion, which was what you pretended people said on this thread.

One jumper here and there, that was mixed with the washing is very different from a set of expensive underwear that was in a separate basket and he has been told not to touch.

But if you want to keep posting stupid posts, go ahead.

Emily you're still not getting it. What if the 3 jumpers your dh shrunk you had specifically asked him not to touch and even put them in a seperate basket to help him remember. Then he dug them out 6 times more shrunk them again? Or, the same for your dh? He asked you not to wash his jumpers because you'd shrunk one but you ignored his request and carried on shrinking his jumpers. And don't forget, we all have favourite jumpers (or knickers and bras) at times, that we would really love to make it through just.one.wash.