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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Umm, what a dick move?

325 replies

user1497545304 · 18/11/2017 19:31

This is probably the definition of a first world problem but...

SIL and I got pregnant around the same time, and she's just had her baby girl. I'm due in a couple of weeks.
Before I even found out I was having a girl, I had my heart set on the name Elle - I even posted a thread about this! Me and SIL are close and she knew very, very well about this.

After much deliberation, I helped SIL decide on the name Mia for her baby.

Went to visit her and new baby in hospital this morning, where she announced that her baby looked like such an ELLA that she just had to screw Mia and go with that. I didn't say anything but I wanted to throttle her

Umm, wtf? SIL knew very well that we were going with Elle, and now we can't! Elle and Ella are just TOO similar, let's face it.

I am extremely pissed and also upset! I trusted SIL like a best friend. She's always been very aware of people's feelings.

Just rang up my mum, and was told I was being 'bratty' and 'overreacting'.

I would never dream of doing what SIL did, though!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bargainqueen · 20/11/2017 18:56

Yes I agree, tell her you're still using your name and she can do whatever she wants with that information.

LoveDeathPrizes · 20/11/2017 18:59

Call your baby Mia. Or Mi

Glamorousglitter · 20/11/2017 19:01

Similar names but different people. The girls will own whatever name they re given. I d use the name you ve chosen if you feel your little one looks like an Ella. Not worth losing a friendship over tbh

Ceto · 20/11/2017 19:01

You’ll probably be grateful when your daughter starts school and you discover there are six other Elles or Ellas in the class.

Scotland32 · 20/11/2017 19:01

YANBU at all. Same happened to me with a friend. But now I am glad because the name she picked is in the top 10 and I come across it everywhere! My daughter has an unusual name which I now FAR prefer. So it's a lesson in keeping quiet.
That said, I still think you should stick to your guns and if she complains you simply tell her that you had already picked and that having told her the name it's her problem for choosing one so similar.

cheval · 20/11/2017 19:01

All of the Greek side of the family, and there are loads of them, are basically called one of three names as tradition is to name after husband’s parents. It’s bloody confusing identifying who you’re talking about, but other than that, no one cares. So go for Elle. It’s not the same name. Bill and Bel sound almost the same, but don’t think that would worry anyone

Offred2 · 20/11/2017 19:04

I know it’s not what you asked about at all in your original post but I find it weird that there’s no mention of your brother who is presumably your SILs husband, in your post. Surely naming a baby is a joint choice by the parents if they’re together. Did your brother really have no input?!

I’ve just fed up of everything ‘family-related’ being put upon the woman, be it buying presents for in laws, doing 90% of the housework, or indeed naming a child.

Sorry for going off at a tangent!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/11/2017 19:08

It's very true, nobody owns a name, but in my opinion, your SIL, has been very unfair. When I was expecting one of mine, years ago, my best friend from childhood, was carrying as well. We shared names, hers was Debbie, mine Rachel. She went on to deliver a little daughter, and called her Rachel, luckily I had a Son. It happens, call your beautiful baby girl Elle, it matters not, that her cousin is called Ella. 🌺🌺🌺

willyougotobed · 20/11/2017 19:16

Yes go with your chosen name and sod what anyone else thinks. My dd's name is similar to her cousin's. My dsis makes an issue of it, I just ignore her. We see them twice a year - why on earth does it matter. DM can't remember their names anyway. Lots of families have two Michaels or two Stephens in or whatever.

rosy71 · 20/11/2017 19:17

If youy like the name Elle, use it. It doesn't matter what anyone else calls their child. Anyway, you might have a boy. You might have a girl & decide she doesn't look like an Elle at all but something totally different.

MrsKoala · 20/11/2017 19:18

All my children had a different name selected for them and then when we saw them we changed our mind. So you never know, you may not think she is an Elle anyway. The only one i am still not sure about is DD who was meant to be Juno. So you can have that OP, name her Juno instead!

It is a dick move tho, but Ella is so so so common i would definitely urge you to choose something different from Elle. I went to school with 4 Gemmas and 3 Emmas in my class and they all hated it.

RaspberryBeret34 · 20/11/2017 19:19

I’d choose a longer name (I love Elodie) with Elle as nickname and say “oh, we decided it would be lovely for DD to have a full name too, it just gives many more options in future...” and watch sil scramble to find a full name version for Ella!

Yanbu, it was a dick thing of them to do.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 20/11/2017 19:29

Totally a dick move.

Family and friend did this to me too. I used the names I had chosen but had to keen confirming that the friend had copied from me. I think the friend expected me to change my choice - her child had the a one letter change from 'e' to an 'a' and then the same middle name - born a week before. She claimed to have forgotten I'd chosen the names but enough people knew my choice.

The family was more accidental. We both liked the same names.

hanr84 · 20/11/2017 19:30

Totally agree with raspberryberet! Elodie and Elle for short. Perfect x

Leapfrog44 · 20/11/2017 19:50

ridiculous. Just give her the name you planned

Catsize · 20/11/2017 19:53

watch sil scramble to find a full name version for Ella!

Umbrella?

emmakc1977 · 20/11/2017 19:54

I don’t get why people get upset over this (prob because I have brother, cousin and an uncle with same name tbf) - if I wanted a name for my child I’d use it and not give a toss who else used it. OP If you have your heart set on the name use it. Congrats on the impending birth x

Regressionconfession · 20/11/2017 20:10

This happened to me. I named my DD the name I’d always planned on using and now she and her cousin have very similar names - think Nicole and Nicola. It’s not an issue at all and if people think I’m mad they’re too polite to say!! Go with Elle!! Maybe warn her that that’s what you intend to do though so she has the option of changing ...

BraayTigger · 20/11/2017 20:14

Gosh I’d feel so betrayed if my SIL did that to me! Ok so you don’t own a name but you’d made it very clear to her that was the name you had Chosen so it and any derivatives of it should have been out of bounds. Very insensitive of her.

I’m not sure I would trust her much going forward unless she apologises in time. But I would let her know you are really upset about it now (even if she has just had a baby!) she needs to apologise.

Personally I would choose a new name as Elle and Ella are too similar IMO. You’ll find something you love.

You sound like a lovely friend, many congrats on your baby xxx

BuzzKillington · 20/11/2017 20:22

Of course they're similar - they're practically the same name, although Ella is much nicer.

If you see a lot of each other, I couldn't be doing with 2 cousins having such samey names.

Our names were guarded like the Holy Grail for fear of anyone 'nicking' them.

diddl · 20/11/2017 20:31

"and watch sil scramble to find a full name version for Ella! "

Why would she do that-it's a perfectly full enough name as it isHmm

derenstar · 20/11/2017 20:53

I fully understand why you’re upset OP, it is a dickish thing to do but equally, your SIL is entitled to use whatever name she feels suits her child. Chalk it down to one of life’s many lessons and try to move on. Call your baby whatever you want; if you still want Elle, go for it but I personally wouldn’t tell SIL anymore about your plans around names . I would congratulate her on the arrival of her daughter and leave it that if you can. Do whatever suits you and don’t seek anyone’s else's view on the matter - that includes all the uninvited and rude comments from some posters on this thread about your choice of name and their suggested alternatives.

TeenageFanclubNOT · 20/11/2017 20:54

My sil accused me of doing this. She wasn't pregnant but trying, I was 7 months, we would brainstorm names every weekend at my mums and she would join in with her dh. She happened to mention a name that I had been using as a pet name for bump at work ( so all my friends knew) I even mentioned at time. But we were settled on a diff name. When baby came we changed our minds to pet name, not giving it a second thought. We even had it out but she was adamant I nicked it. I am NOT the type who copies in fact Im avoid like the plague type to this kinda thing. From that day since every time we do family stuff with their friends I'm treated like ' that one who stole the baby name' . It sucks being that person in their company. I hope you can resolve 'in house'. Couldn't you spell Elle diff? Ylle. Eyl. X

Mmmmmmmchips · 20/11/2017 20:57

YANBU
My DH and I were talking to my sister once. We told her a boys name we liked if we had a boy.
When she had a boy first guess what she named him 😡

jazmin2016 · 20/11/2017 21:20

I can understand why this would upset you because I know what I can be like when my minds set on something, i choose my sons name 5yrs before he was born and if someone close had taken it for there child I would of been really upset Sad but saying that, my son Ellis and bestfriends daughter Ella are both shortened to L and that doesn't bother me at all xxx go with your heart