AIBU to think my friend is taking the piss?

[Linning]

Was supposed to meet with friend this evening to help her out with a project and catch up. We were supposed to meet up at around 6pm when she was due out of work but at 6pm she sent me a text saying "Just got off work, I am heading to the gym now, will be done at around 9pm, let's meet then! x" . Didn't say anything, figured I could use the time to do stuff around the house and do a bit of work. Come 9 pm and she sends me another text saying that she "just finished her gym session and was now going to get a shower and go home" so I simply told her to text me when she was home and ready and I would come over (she lives close by), about an hour later I received another text from her saying that she had "just bumped into a friend who has just moved in the area and she was off to check out her new appartment but she would text me when she left her friend's flat so we could meet." It is now 11pm (!) where I am living and I am sat at home supposedly waiting for a text from her to tell me she is now finally ready to meet me.

So am I unreasonable to think she is taking the utter piss? She has a form for this too. She once asked to meet up with her at a certain time, then texted me when I was ready to tell me that she would need an extra hour to clean up her place and have a quick shower, when I got there an hour later, she had "fallen asleep" so I had to wait an extra 30 minutes in her living room while she showered and got ready, we then spent an hour together (where I got dragged along to buy furniture for her place) before she casually told me that she had a skype session scheduled with her therapist in about 15 minutes and did I think we could meet up again when she was done an hour later.

So is that me or this friend absolutely doesn't value me or my time at all? I have no problem being flexible and rescheduling but I have feeling she has taken it to the next level now and I am especially angry as I have refused other plans for the night so I could be available for her and her project and have now been left feeling like a proper mug.

BE MEAN!

How bloody dare she treat you this way and still expect you to spare your time and expertise...for FREE!

She’ll be too hungover to work at 9am tomorrow and will try to delay again, at which point you will be completely fair to say “that’s a shame, as I said I’m otherwise engaged for the rest of the weekend but hope your project goes well for you”.

If it mattered that much to her she’d have been ready at 6 to get started, dont feel any obligation OP

Well done, OP. YOu made yourself available to help at six, so her own silly fault if she didn't come over. I bet she'll start again at nine but you're made it clear already that you can't. If she's just getting stuck into some beers with a friend now, it does sound like she wanted you to actually do the thing for her

Well done OP. She was so rude.

Well done, good reply - stick to the time restrictions you have mentioned

An important project that she wants to start on after midnight when she’s been doing things all day and has invited another friend along to? She’s taking the Michael. Tell her she’s wasted your whole night.

Tomorrow at 9, text her saying you're too tired and need to reschedule for Tuesday.

Go on, wipe that MUG off your forehead.

Oh OP, why on earth are you still doing helping with her project? She is a pisstaker and it's really not your problem if she needs help with it. If she thought that much of your time, she would have prioritised you this evening. But she didnt, she put anything and everything ahead of you. Don't be a mug.

What a cheeky mare. Well done OP.

Youve said 9-11 stick to it or she’ll continue to treat you badly. You are being kinder than most.

OP you say this: she is the one who supposedly have very little friends (can see why now tbh!) and has an history of being bullied and all of this which is part of why I have been more flexible with her than the average as I know she struggles to make friends (or keep them) and can be quite depressed.

You laying down and being a doormat for her to walk all over is not helping her to either make or keep friends. You agreed to help her with something important to her for which she needs your help and expertise yet she didn't prioritise either you or your project, instead she prioritised herself by doing what she did this evening.

If 9-11 is not suitable for her tomorrow, don't re-arrange your time to accommodate her, if the project is not done it is her fault and she needs to take the consequences of that.

The best way you can help her is to set some boundaries and model how a proper friendship functions. You may need to explain to her why her behaviour and attitude is unacceptable and not conducive to maintaining friendships.

Pick yourself up off the floor and stop making excuses for her.

I had a friend like this. HAD. Put up with her shit for years she was one of these bossy know all fly off the handle types, also bullied and little friends and depressed and I stuck through it for too long. Then I got pregnant and wised the fuck up and didn’t take any shit from anyone! Anyway we’re not friends anymore!

My feeling is that she will try to pile guilt in tomorrow regarding getting her project done.
DONTfall into her trap- the gym( for three hours!!! Three fucking hours!!!) was more important than her project, as was her shower, then her friend then beers.
And these were all more important than YOU. You wasted a whole Friday night waiting for her. You will never get that night back. Don't waste any more time in her- she's a vampire " friend" - sucks everything from you and is an utter pain in the neck who gives nothing back.

Linning you need to learn to say “no”.

If someone needs your help, then they meet at your convenience, preferably bearing a box of chocolates/flowers/bottle of wine and offering profuse thanks.

If you behave like a doormat, some people will unfortunately treat you like a doormat.

Start saying “no” to this person, without guilt until she either behaves better or finds someone else to stomp all over.

Thank hod you didn't go and help her, think Mumsnet would have spontaneously combusted!

She really needs your help but going to the gym was more important and then clearing off with a friend was too??? She then expects you to jump at midnight?
Tell her to fuck right off with that ‘friendship’!

She wants you to go around and do her project while she sits with her friend drinking beer and having fun. If you are lucky I guess you may be in the same room.

Get a backbone and stop letting her use you.

She is not your friend.

Say no, then say no again. Keep doing it.

So glad you didn't go round. Who the fuck would think anyone would go round at midnight when they are doing you a favour? Don't worry about her project, she isn't.

Linning you are letting her walk all over you, and not helping her learn to be a good friend. If you care about her, let her know in no uncertain terms (no need to be angry, just lay out the facts) what she has done, and how disrespectful it is. She is oblivious, but maybe only because she finds mugs like you - sorry, OP, but it is true - to be her friends for as long as they can stand it. It may not be too late to help her grow up. if it is, that's the way it is. Up to you how much you let her use you.

She treats you this way because YOU let her.

Good job saying no. It's hard to break a cycle of going out of your way for people who take advantage.

Make sure to keep doing it. Your time clearly means nothing to her so make it less available.

What’s to bet she sleeps in and texts you at 1030?

If you've got no other real plans for the weekend and will struggle to stay strong then you are welcome to help me with my project that absolutely must be finished by Monday.
It is a study into the effects of tea on a variety of different biscuits, light on paperwork but rather heavy on practical application.
I hate people like this. I have a 3 strikes policy for people messing me about, she would have hit that target in one night!