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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my friend is taking the piss?

257 replies

Linning · 17/11/2017 22:18

Was supposed to meet with friend this evening to help her out with a project and catch up. We were supposed to meet up at around 6pm when she was due out of work but at 6pm she sent me a text saying "Just got off work, I am heading to the gym now, will be done at around 9pm, let's meet then! x" . Didn't say anything, figured I could use the time to do stuff around the house and do a bit of work. Come 9 pm and she sends me another text saying that she "just finished her gym session and was now going to get a shower and go home" so I simply told her to text me when she was home and ready and I would come over (she lives close by), about an hour later I received another text from her saying that she had "just bumped into a friend who has just moved in the area and she was off to check out her new appartment but she would text me when she left her friend's flat so we could meet." It is now 11pm (!) where I am living and I am sat at home supposedly waiting for a text from her to tell me she is now finally ready to meet me.

So am I unreasonable to think she is taking the utter piss? She has a form for this too. She once asked to meet up with her at a certain time, then texted me when I was ready to tell me that she would need an extra hour to clean up her place and have a quick shower, when I got there an hour later, she had "fallen asleep" so I had to wait an extra 30 minutes in her living room while she showered and got ready, we then spent an hour together (where I got dragged along to buy furniture for her place) before she casually told me that she had a skype session scheduled with her therapist in about 15 minutes and did I think we could meet up again when she was done an hour later.

So is that me or this friend absolutely doesn't value me or my time at all? I have no problem being flexible and rescheduling but I have feeling she has taken it to the next level now and I am especially angry as I have refused other plans for the night so I could be available for her and her project and have now been left feeling like a proper mug.

OP posts:
rcit · 18/11/2017 01:10

Op she treated you like shit. A history of being bullied - doesn’t sound like it. Sounds like shes arrogant and rude so people back away from her.

You were offering to help her and she chose a gym session over you Hmm. Can’t actually believe you are still going to help her.

Emily7708 · 18/11/2017 01:13

If she misses Monday’s deadline then it is entirely her fault as she had access to your help all evening but chose to get pissed instead (3 hours at the gym - yeah right). The project obviously isn’t that important to her so just wash your hands of it now. Honestly, if anyone ever offered me help with anything I’d be bending over backwards to facilitate that offer with minimum inconvenience to them.

Wetwashing00 · 18/11/2017 01:14

Im totally with Nokidstwocats
Text her back tomorrow morning and tell her you had fallen asleep.
She isn’t that desperate for you help
If she’s messing you around so much.
Then Plainly tell her when you’re next available giving her a specific time frame.
If she does it again, tell her she messes you around too much.
You have a life too

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 18/11/2017 01:53

She is NOT going to be ready on time in the morning. Get your exit strategy in place!

CakesRUs · 18/11/2017 02:24

Just don’t go OP.

Secretlifeofme · 18/11/2017 02:27

She is taking the piss op. Get rid

Original poster
Linning · 18/11/2017 04:24

Oddsocksforeveryone Your project sounds very interesting. I may well ditch my friend and help you instead. May I know which variety of biscuits you had in mind? I can bring the tea! Grin

As someone mentioned earlier (can't remember who, sorry !) it may be the first mumsnet's thread I have seen where everyone seems to agree. A bit sad that it's about me being a mug /doormat but oh well, gotta focus on the positives I guess! Wink

You will all be glad to hear that I didn't end up wasting my evening after all. One of the friends who had invited me to go out earlier had texted me a picture of the group a bit before the CF texted me back, so after I told the CF that I couldn't go to her house I ended up texting said friend to see if they were still out and about and turns out they were and weren't too far away from me so I ended up joining them for the rest of the evening, and I had a lovely time just catching up with them and forgetting about the whole situation with "my friend".

All of your messages have helped me reflect on my friendship with her though (if I can even call it that), and about the too many times she has taken the piss with me, and it's now obvious that I must put and end to it and quick. I am now tucked in bed but still slightly annoyed at the fact that I'm having to put an alarm to wake up in less than 4 hours on a Saturday morning (when I could easily sleep in) to help someone who really doesn't deserve my help.

Ah, lesson learned I guess. Thanks ladies/people for the wake up call, it's been very much appreciated!

OP posts:
CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 18/11/2017 05:21

Well maybe your alarm won’t go off eh?

Nquartz · 18/11/2017 05:40

That alarm will be wasted, I will eat my hat if she is round yours at 9am tomorrow

MissBax · 18/11/2017 05:46

Why are you getting uo early on a Saturday to help her after all that?? I thought you said you'd reflected on it and will put an end to it? Text her abd say "just got home, it's mega late so won't be free tomorrow and busy all wkend (even I'd you're not). If you still need help next week I'm free these times xxxx. Let me know if you want to pop round at any of those times"

Let her come to you and if she cancels then fuck it!!! Don't do it OP!!!

strugglingtodomybest · 18/11/2017 05:53

Read your OP with an open mouth, so just wanted to say well done.

IggyAce · 18/11/2017 05:54

Pleased to hear your evening wasn't totally wasted. I wouldn't have bothered with the alarm, she won't turn up for 9.

Haveyoutriedturningitoffandon · 18/11/2017 06:03

Op, if you're awake? Just unset your alarm Grin
After all. If you're doing to do an awesome project (and I like the one with biscuits MUCH better!!) then you need your kip. I reckon you'll sleep til lunch, do some errands, have a bit of a clean, go to the gym for 3 hours then finally switch your phone on around 6pm. Wink
I've posted this on another thread but it's worth repeating here 'when people show you who they are, believe them; the first time' Maya Angelou. Brew

EarlGreyT · 18/11/2017 06:13

I just feel bad about doing this because I have promised I would help her with her project as she needs my expertise

She’s totally taking the piss. If she needed your expertise that badly she should have met you at 6 as planned rather than swanned off to the gym. If going to the gym/meeting her friend are her priorities then that’s her choice and I certainly wouldn’t be helping her out with her project now. She’s made it clear by her action that she doesn’t value you or her time.

EarlGreyT · 18/11/2017 06:14

*doesnt value you or YOUR time. (Not her time)

Groovee · 18/11/2017 06:20

She’s a CF and those texts say My time is more valuable than yours. I wouldn’t help her. Her project can’t be that important.

StealthPolarBear · 18/11/2017 06:22

Lurking to find out what happens

MyBeautifulMohawk · 18/11/2017 06:38

Do not chase her in the morning.

If she's not round by 9.15 and you haven't heard from her, go back to bed and finish your sleep.

Make this the last time.

As others have said, if she needs your expertise to help with this project, then she should be bending over backwards to accomodate you! Not the other way around. With lots of "I really appreciate you doing this, thank you so much". Her project is not your responsibility to so take any responsibility for it or her.

CanuckBC · 18/11/2017 06:53

If you do t have a text or call by 9:15, turn your phone off and go back to snooze until you have to do other things:)

AdalindSchade · 18/11/2017 06:57

I'm amazed that you are still planning to wake up early to go and help her. You know she won't be up, right?

Ausparent · 18/11/2017 07:00

Read the OP and had to skip straight to the last page. I didn't want to get emotionally invested if you were going to totally disappoint me and go to her place.

I hope if she does turn up this morning you open the door bleary eyed in your pyjamas and proceed to make her wait for at least an hour whilst you go through your morning wake up routine. Maybe she can make you a fortifying breakfast whilst you exfoliate and blow dry your hair?

Cheeky fucker Hmm

picklemepopcorn · 18/11/2017 07:13

This thread makes me feel so old...

bimbobaggins · 18/11/2017 08:09

This thread makes me feel so embarrassed.are people so desperate for friendship that they are willing to let so called friends walk all over them and put up with any old shit.

Ikanon · 18/11/2017 08:11

Hope you actually get a lie in this morning. Well done for standing up for yourself!

twilightcafe · 18/11/2017 08:18

bimbobaggins has hit the nail on the head.

This woman is no friend.