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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my friend is taking the piss?

257 replies

Linning · 17/11/2017 22:18

Was supposed to meet with friend this evening to help her out with a project and catch up. We were supposed to meet up at around 6pm when she was due out of work but at 6pm she sent me a text saying "Just got off work, I am heading to the gym now, will be done at around 9pm, let's meet then! x" . Didn't say anything, figured I could use the time to do stuff around the house and do a bit of work. Come 9 pm and she sends me another text saying that she "just finished her gym session and was now going to get a shower and go home" so I simply told her to text me when she was home and ready and I would come over (she lives close by), about an hour later I received another text from her saying that she had "just bumped into a friend who has just moved in the area and she was off to check out her new appartment but she would text me when she left her friend's flat so we could meet." It is now 11pm (!) where I am living and I am sat at home supposedly waiting for a text from her to tell me she is now finally ready to meet me.

So am I unreasonable to think she is taking the utter piss? She has a form for this too. She once asked to meet up with her at a certain time, then texted me when I was ready to tell me that she would need an extra hour to clean up her place and have a quick shower, when I got there an hour later, she had "fallen asleep" so I had to wait an extra 30 minutes in her living room while she showered and got ready, we then spent an hour together (where I got dragged along to buy furniture for her place) before she casually told me that she had a skype session scheduled with her therapist in about 15 minutes and did I think we could meet up again when she was done an hour later.

So is that me or this friend absolutely doesn't value me or my time at all? I have no problem being flexible and rescheduling but I have feeling she has taken it to the next level now and I am especially angry as I have refused other plans for the night so I could be available for her and her project and have now been left feeling like a proper mug.

OP posts:
Dustysparrow · 17/11/2017 22:54

The fact that you have hung about waiting for her for 5 hours just screams 'doormat'.

Don't be that doormat. Spend your precious time on real friends who actually deserve it, and not some flakey woman who drops you when something better comes along. She has a damn cheek stringing you along all night and obviously has no respect for you or puts any value on your friendship or your time.

kali110 · 17/11/2017 22:54

Im just like you op, but even i would be saying this was too late!

RebelRogue · 17/11/2017 22:55

Well her project must not be that important if it can wait for gum,shower,mates and beer. She doesn’t give a shit about it or you, so why do you?

Dustysparrow · 17/11/2017 22:56

Don't go over there!!! Have some self respect!! She is massively taking the piss out of you. Angry

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 17/11/2017 22:57

I’m amazed that there are people like you OP that put up with people like her. She stood you up to go to the gym for THREE HOURS! Which by the way is likely untrue, I think she got a better offer. I would ditch her, permanently. She clearly thinks very little of you. Ditch!

SparkleFizz · 17/11/2017 22:59

I hope you haven’t gone round to her house!

She clearly doesn’t want your help that much if she’s messing you about like this. And she’s getting beers on the way home? Doesn’t sound like someone who’s planning on doing any of the work themselves.

You need to start saying “no” when she does this sort of stuff. Like now for instance - “I’m too tired to start work on project this late at night, I’m off to sleep now”
And then ignore any further messages from her until the morning.

MammaTJ · 17/11/2017 23:00

Don't know if you have joined them for drinks or not, but next time, if there is a next time, when you arrange to meet, set an end time as well. Tell her we will meet at say 6, like tonight's example, and say '6 is perfect, I have to be somewhere else at 8.30, so we have a good 2.5 hours together, that will be nice'.

That way, if she starts all this shenanigans, you can say 'Oh what a shame, I have such and such at 8.30, I can't wait any longer'. Job done!

Couldsleeptillnextyear · 17/11/2017 23:01

What do you expect...you let her walk all over you..should of told her to forget it after the first text

KeepServingTheDrinks · 17/11/2017 23:01

So Linning what did you do????

And are you happy about the choice you made?

RemainOptimistic · 17/11/2017 23:02

You can do so much better OP. Would you ever treat a friend like that? Of course not, because you're not a massive twat. You're a lovely, kind and understanding person who is loyal to a fault. Do yourself a favour and dump this parasite. Find yourself some new friends who share your values and will treasure your loyalty. Don't waste any more time - I say this as an ex doormat who wishes I'd seen so called friends for what they were much sooner.

MrsArthurShappey · 17/11/2017 23:06

If a friend offered to help me with something I’d bend over backwards to make sure I didn’t waste their fucking time! She is really taking the piss! Just say it’s too late.

How do you know she’s been bullied before? Is there a chance some ex friends called her out on her behaviour and she sees this as bullying?

Gemini69 · 17/11/2017 23:10

she sounds absolutely hideous OP... sorry

Imsorrynow · 17/11/2017 23:11

I can’t believe that - from your OP - you were going to do HER a favour and help with a ‘project’. Hope you’re tucked up in bed now, or chilling on the sofa with a glass of wine. Dream on ‘friend’.

toriatoriatoria · 17/11/2017 23:12

So she needs your help with her project, but she's the one messing you around?

Not to be harsh on her but if she acts like this with everyone I can see why she struggles to make/keep friends. You've been more than accomodating with her. She's basically telling you her time is more important than yours.

Original poster
Linning · 17/11/2017 23:13

Wow I didn't expect that many replies. I knew she was taking the piss but seeing other people say it, help me realize how much of a doormant I have been until now.

She has been sending me updates about how far away she's been from her house and just texted " We're here, will you be here soon?" so I have just texted her back saying "sorry it's now midnight and thought the whole thing had been canceled. I am now in my Pj's and don't fancy getting dressed again. I can still meet up with you tomorrow at 9am for your project but I will have to be back at my house at 11 as I have a busy weekend ahead so won't be available any other time." she is supposed to hand the whole thing back on Monday and I am kind of hoping she can't make it tomorrow as I am really annoyed.

This message is probably still too nice but considering I agreed to help her and she now has very little time before the deadline. I feel it would be a bit mean to have her try and find somebody else.

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 17/11/2017 23:14

You were meant to meet at 6. Its gone 11pm. Is she on glue? Or maybe you are? Why would you even have to ask if this is ok?

StringandGlitter · 17/11/2017 23:14

I’d also bet money she doesn’t want your “help”, she wants you to DO the project.

She’s been drinking, how useful is your input right now unless you do the actual work.

Yes you said you’d help her with the project, but if it was important to her she would have taken you up on your kind offer. I’m sure you’re not the only expert in the world. She can find another person to help her. If she can’t, tough, she should have taken you up when she had the chance. Shame your diary has suddenly got very busy right now.

Tell her you'll have to reschedule (sometime after never o’clock).

honeyroar · 17/11/2017 23:14

Don't you dare go round!!

She is treating you like a mug. She's rude and unappreciative. She will sit there drinking with her friend while you do all the work, and she will probably laugh about it with her mate once you've gone.

It doesn't matter if she's seen you've seen the text, so what! She happily ignores your texts and arrangements. Ideally you should text her back and say you've no more time - you'd put aside all evening to help her, now you've got other things to do. And say sorry you're too busy if she tries to rearrange. She will just have to do HER WORK HERSELF. Spend your time on real friends. Don't waste time on users like this.

StaplesCorner · 17/11/2017 23:15

She will simply start the whole process again with effect from 9am in the morning and then tell you its your fault.

Elllicam · 17/11/2017 23:16

I think that was a very reasoned text back, possibly still a bit too nice but you have set boundaries. I can see why she doesn’t have many friends.

honeyroar · 17/11/2017 23:16

And if you MUST meet her to help her tomorrow, then she comes round to you, with an apology. You don't go chasing round to hers..

treeofhearts · 17/11/2017 23:22

"LOL did you seriously think you could leave me waiting around for you for 6 HOURS and I'd still help you. If you can't be bothered to keep plans, neither can I. Sort it out yourself."

Brokenbiscuit · 17/11/2017 23:25

Oh my! Well done for putting your foot down, OP. Stay strong, and don't give her any more time than you have already offered. If she wants the help, then she needs to accept it on your terms.

Petalflowers · 17/11/2017 23:25

Good reply. You've given her another opportunity, but have also set boundaries. Stick to your guns re timings. If she really needs your help, she will seine the opportunity.

(Anyone else curious about 'the project')

Giraffey1 · 17/11/2017 23:25

Trouble is, you just keep hoping that this time your friend is going to behave differently, although experience tells you she won’t. You need to decide if you’re willing to put up with it. If you’re not, then say no, I’ve gone to bed ... or no, I’ve made other plans .... or no, we agreed X o’clock and if you’re not going to make it then I’ve got other things I need to be doing.... etc.

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