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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my friend is taking the piss?

257 replies

Linning · 17/11/2017 22:18

Was supposed to meet with friend this evening to help her out with a project and catch up. We were supposed to meet up at around 6pm when she was due out of work but at 6pm she sent me a text saying "Just got off work, I am heading to the gym now, will be done at around 9pm, let's meet then! x" . Didn't say anything, figured I could use the time to do stuff around the house and do a bit of work. Come 9 pm and she sends me another text saying that she "just finished her gym session and was now going to get a shower and go home" so I simply told her to text me when she was home and ready and I would come over (she lives close by), about an hour later I received another text from her saying that she had "just bumped into a friend who has just moved in the area and she was off to check out her new appartment but she would text me when she left her friend's flat so we could meet." It is now 11pm (!) where I am living and I am sat at home supposedly waiting for a text from her to tell me she is now finally ready to meet me.

So am I unreasonable to think she is taking the utter piss? She has a form for this too. She once asked to meet up with her at a certain time, then texted me when I was ready to tell me that she would need an extra hour to clean up her place and have a quick shower, when I got there an hour later, she had "fallen asleep" so I had to wait an extra 30 minutes in her living room while she showered and got ready, we then spent an hour together (where I got dragged along to buy furniture for her place) before she casually told me that she had a skype session scheduled with her therapist in about 15 minutes and did I think we could meet up again when she was done an hour later.

So is that me or this friend absolutely doesn't value me or my time at all? I have no problem being flexible and rescheduling but I have feeling she has taken it to the next level now and I am especially angry as I have refused other plans for the night so I could be available for her and her project and have now been left feeling like a proper mug.

OP posts:
Original poster
Linning · 17/11/2017 22:39

Anathema, I didn't wait around no as it was a private conversation, I did accept to meet her again later on that day (at a convenient time for me) but I know I probably shouldn't have has she was already taking the piss then.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 17/11/2017 22:39

'Getting a bit late now, I'm off to bed. We can reschedule for another time.'

I'd leave the last sentence out, but I suspect you're the conciliatory/don't like confrontation type, so it may soften it a little!

YouTheCat · 17/11/2017 22:39

I'd text and tell her it's way too late now.

There are reasons she has no friends. She has used them and they have dumped her because of that. It is her own fault.

Sashkin · 17/11/2017 22:39

Oh FFS, don’t you dare go round there at this time of night and do her work for her while she and her mate piss about.

Just say “sorry, in bed!” and turn your phone off so she can’t guilt you into going round. I would say just don’t reply, but she’s clearly used to you being a doormat and she’d probably ring up to bitch about it (SWBVVU, but she’s obviously a CF).

Sooooooooooooooooooooo · 17/11/2017 22:40

You realise there’s a good reason why she’s doesn’t have many friends.

Timefortea99 · 17/11/2017 22:40

She is using you. You know it, we know it, she knows it.

Up to you, if you are happy to be a doormat, then keep seeing her. I know what I would do.

Justmuddlingalong · 17/11/2017 22:41

What's that old saying? Don't make someone a priority, when to them you're just an option.

Alisvolatpropiis · 17/11/2017 22:43

I’d drop her like a stone

Temporary2002 · 17/11/2017 22:44

If she valued your help or her project, she would have kept the 6 pm appointment. She isn't your responsibility. She is inconsiderate and disrespectful. I would tell her that you are no longer available to help if she asks.

HotelEuphoria · 17/11/2017 22:44

"Mate, we were supposed to meet at six, I'm. in bed now, another time x"

BackforGood · 17/11/2017 22:45

Agree with everyone else - yes everyone (unusual on AIBU?) . Just say "Sorry, too late now, I'm going to bed".

tbh, I would have said that at 6pm - 'Oh, I've made arrangements to be free tonight. Can't do it again this week I've got other things planned'. It wasn't like she had to stay late at work of had a family emergency or anything - she just thought you would sit around and put your life on hold whilst awaiting the honour of being allowed to help her.

Petalflowers · 17/11/2017 22:47

Can't believe the original meet-up was 6pm, and then she expected to meet you at 9pm! Definitely don't pander to her.

If you want to help her in the future, then you set the agenda. You set the time and place which is convenient to you both, then stick to it. If she then wants to change, then stay firm and say it's then or never. don't let her mess you around.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 17/11/2017 22:47

If she really needed and valued your help she wouldn't be giving you the run around and would've told her friend that she already has plans. It's not like she can't see their house another day! Why go round now when she's socialising with someone else and you're doing all of the work? Give it a pass, you've wasted enough of your day for her.

Temporary2002 · 17/11/2017 22:47

Hang on, you are not actually still waiting to help her out right now are you?

yummyeclair · 17/11/2017 22:47

Genuine friends respect each other and each other's time. How would she behave if the situation was reversed?

lunar1 · 17/11/2017 22:48

Please tell me you are not helping her!

LoniceraJaponica · 17/11/2017 22:48

She is taking the piss. She does this because she can. You are enabling her selfish behaviour by allowing her to get away with it. She isn't a friend, she is a user.

I would switch your phone off and be uncontactable. I actually like my friends and only renege on meeting up if I have a good reason to do so - illness, stuck behind car accident etc.

She is telling you that you aren't important to her. Don't offer to help her she doesn't need it.

Italiangreyhound · 17/11/2017 22:48

Just tell her you are done. She is rude, when she wants to meet up, she chooses a time and sticks to it or nothing doing. She is taking the piss.

NoKidsTwoCats · 17/11/2017 22:50

Please don't go round there now. Please.

inappropriateraspberry · 17/11/2017 22:50

“Sorry, I’m in bed now. Hope you get your project sorted. X”

I’m afraid it seems that your help isn’t that important to her. You just don’t leave someone waiting like that, friend or not!

justilou1 · 17/11/2017 22:51

Ummm... Just say no. It's late, her priorities are up her arse and you're in being taken for granted by rude people who have better things to do than the project they need help with already.

Maelstrop · 17/11/2017 22:51

Don’t be a mug. Turn your phone off and tell her tomorrow that you fell asleep.

Worriedobsessive · 17/11/2017 22:52

Are you mad? Go to bed.

StorminaBcup · 17/11/2017 22:53

@Linning - ah ok! I think you’ve been more than accommodating in that case. Perhaps a short lesson in appropriate boundaries and mutual respect is required? In any event, I’d draw a line under this evening!

gamerchick · 17/11/2017 22:53

That’s not being flexible, that’s having a kick me post it stuck to your back and you smiling when people do.

Text her saying it’s too late now and you’re going to bed. Seriously OP, if you let people take the piss then they will. Do not go over there.

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