to think we make sex out to be more important than it is

[purpleangel17]

Sex seems to be the centre of the universe these days. It is used to sell things all the time. People want to be sexually attractive. It is assumed sex is an essential part of any relationship. People talk as if they have a 'right' to sex, to frequent, 'good' sex, however you define that. Maybe men feel the 'entitlement' more but I think women feel it too.

Does anyone else find it a bit sad? It just feels the world is so focused on individual pleasure these days.

To be honest though the older I get the more I find relationships overrated

Sex seemed very important to me when I was younger and I had a very regular and active sex life.. but now, not so much. I don't know why, but I started to see it as a bit ridiculous and its difficult to take it seriously now.
People trying to look and act sexy looks silly. I think it's mentioned, discussed and shown far too much in dramas...in fact, on most tv shows
It's probably my age

Rozdeek if thats true hes not doing it right, teach him.or you have the wrong man

I heard somewhere once 'it's the Most important thing if you're not getting it; it's 'One important thing if you are' and I agree with that.

"I don't think anyone will criticise you for being celibate. I don't think anyone cares."

Fucky's post above just did exactly that.

Then you've missed all the prude shaming on here.

Sorry. Let me clarify - I don't care. Many don't.

Not important to me. At all.
I think sex is an overrated thing.
I remember when learning about Maslow and sex being one of the basic needs-ot isnt. It isnt like the need for sleep or hunger. We dont need it to survive.
Fair play to others who want it. I prefer a clean dry bed for sleeping- it would feel odd to have someone in bed with me for that. Perhaps Im asexual as I dont feel attraction either.

And prude shaming isn't a thing. Let's not make more things up.

Haven't rtft but YANBU. Humans tend to create a whole culture and mystique and obsession around all of the few things essential to life.

So... shelter. Becomes not just a cave to protect you, but an obsession with interior decor, Farrow and Ball, derision about twinkly lights and words on the kitchen wall.

Food. We need it to live, but it became a definer of culture, an art form, a sourceof snobbery, eating disorders etc

Procreation- it's just a bodily function to continue the species. Pleasurable, of course, otherwise we wouldn't bother. But not worthy of the massive hang-ups and crazy importance it is given.

if thats true hes not doing it right, teach him.or you have the wrong man

He's the right man. He knows what to do. I adore him.

I still do it better myself.

Surely it makes sense she can satisfy herself more than any man-its her body!

No no value, clearly men are superior in all regards.

"Being celibate by choice when single is not worth mentioning from my point of view."

I disagree. Some people think that single people should be sleeping around so deciding not to have sex until or unless you find another relationship is kind of choosing celibacy.
Personally, I couldn't have sex with someone I'm not very connected to anyway, so in my situation it's not really a choice.

I agree. The thought of sex to me is purely mechanical without connection.

Another one who couldn’t care less if they never had sex again.

I can think of so many other things I’d rather while away an evening doing, including housework.

My ex was a sex pest at best. To him it was as important as eating-once when i challenged him by saying we did it last night im tired, he said i had dinner last night i still need breakfast...hence he is an ex.

"Personally, if I had gone for 3 years without any action, I think I'd be quite ill."

What illness do you think you'd have huskylover?

Since you seem to think that this sex obsession of society is relatively new, and not connected to the basic procreation urge (which by the way is in our deepest programming and doesn’t care if we are actually TTC or not) let’s look at it.

Things that are fun and relaxing to do with your mind and body:
-eat rich and/or sweet foods
-drink copious amounts of alcohol
-do risky adrenaline ‘sports’
-take long leisurely holidays
-work in meaningful ways, that suit your personality
-spend fun time with friends & family
-have frequent (good) sex

Now here’s the list of things that today’s lifestyle says is healthy, affordable or possible:
-have frequent (good) sex.

Is it any surprise that when modern life has:
-taken away our time & resources
-clarified the cause/effect of health outcomes
-lead to breakdown of family relationships
-meant so many of us are sandwiched between care roles with little kids and ailing parents

We focus on sex (and binge-watching our favourite TV)?

I put to you, what the fuck else do we have left to look forward to? Of course you’re welcome to cut yourself off from sex (unless you have a partner who disagrees). I personally don’t find doughnuts appealing, while many others clearly do. I don’t, however, begrudge doughnut-eaters of the world for wanting, dreaming about, talking about, posting pics of, indulging in or licking their lips over doughnuts.

Life is increasingly stressful and confusing to navigate. Let sex be your light in the dark, I say.

"And prude shaming isn't a thing. Let's not make more things up."

It's a thing. There's been a few examples on this thread and plenty more if you go through more Mumsnet threads.

It's not so much that people want to criticize someone who has little or no interest in having sex - it's that some asexual/low-libido people think that the less sex you have, the more virtuous you are: there is a difference between not having a sexual relationship because you're just not very interested, and thinking (and telling other people) that they are having 'too much' sex, or that they should think about 'more important' things. Having only ever had one sexual partner doesn't automatically make you a better person than someone who has had hundreds of different sexual partners. It doesn't even make you a happier or healthier person.

No I don't think anyone on this thread has been 'shamed' for anything.

I don't see myself as virtuous for not having sex. I have had it in the past.
If someone is sexually active makes no difference if they have had 1 or 1000 partners. No such thing as too much sex so long as you're consensual and safe.
I don't like the 'hype' about sex, if people are having it great but it's a private act and I don't want to hear about it either in the media or with a friend in the same way I don't want to know when you went to the toilet or got dressed.
I do find women giggling like schoolgirls about sex slightly annoying though, not because they are at it but how they are acting about it. The only thing I could moan about are the staunch feminists criticising patriarchy who then turn into the above giggling teenager when they fancy a man then it turns into the 'but he's reaaaaallly nice' exception where all previous beliefs are discarded
Other than that live and let live I say.

Maybe it's overrated for you, not for me! are you sure you've been doing right, OP? ;)

are you sure you've been doing right, OP? ;)

I've had a lot of sexual partners and a lot of excellent sex. I often still can't be arsed with it.

It's not a personality defect.

kits
What it is about other people's subjective experiences that you can't quite understand?
Fucking hell.
Roz has said how she feels. More than once. You have questioned it. More than once.
Are you a man? There seem to be many who need to prove to women how 'great in bed' they are.
If I'm a vegetarian, and you go on about meat pie, then no matter how much you try to convince me, you will never make me want meat pie. You will just irritate me.
You go and enjoy your mindblowing sex which isn't overrated and leave others to form their own views.
HTH