to think we make sex out to be more important than it is

[purpleangel17]

Sex seems to be the centre of the universe these days. It is used to sell things all the time. People want to be sexually attractive. It is assumed sex is an essential part of any relationship. People talk as if they have a 'right' to sex, to frequent, 'good' sex, however you define that. Maybe men feel the 'entitlement' more but I think women feel it too.

Does anyone else find it a bit sad? It just feels the world is so focused on individual pleasure these days.

[ravenmum]

@Mamabear4180
The point is they are different preferences and therefore they aren't suitable for each other. I really don't know why that's so difficult to understand Raven?
I understand that just fine, but it is not the OP's point, is it? Her point is that when she hears that people want to have sex quickly it makes her feel sad. As if wanting to have sex quickly is an unfortunate circumstance, rather than just an alternative preference. I was asking her why one preference made her sad and the other not.

[valuerangeweetabixandmilk]

I look back at my experiences of sex when my mind was innocent and it makes me want to cry. Once the damage is done it is hard to undo.
I regret my marriage and even more the fact that i thout thats just how things were. Very damaging

[Gottagetmoving]

I never found sex outside of a mutually loving relationship satisfying.
Sex can be wonderful but it can also cause a lot of emotional problems and damage.
I've known people use it as a bargaining tool, as emotional blackmail, as revenge, and to use someone for their own pleasure.
I'm not surprised a lot of people just give up on it.
I feel very sorry for teenagers who are bombarded with sexual images almost constantly through media today. I think they are presented with unrealistic images and expectations.

[AdoraBell]

I realise that after 12 pages this may have be said already, so apologies if I’m repeating.

OP without sex most of life on this planet would come to an end.

If you are happy without sex that’s fine, but most of us do want sex. And we want to enjoy the sex too. I do wish that marketing agencies would stop using sex to sell though, on that point YANBU.

[Vicky1990]

Angel, I think your opening remarks were spot on. Sex and especially women's bodies are used everywhere, TV, newspapers, book's, advertisements, and yes porn. And the sad fact is it is women generating this overexposure.
Sex is great for the people involved who want to enjoy it with each other, but to display all the bits and pieces to the whole world is really strange and a bit boring, let's keep it special.


O

[FloControl]

It fascinates me (and saddens me a little) that such a basic, instinctive human rite of passage has always eluded me. For a lot of folk I know, the sex act is utterly routine and easier than falling off a log. Yet I'm still waiting. Just one of the unlucky ones, I suppose.

[Sparklesocks]

Sex has always been a ‘big thing’, I don’t think it’s necessarily different now - just easier to access it with all the different forms of media we have.

But all you have to do is look at the last few centuries of literature/poetry/music/art/theatre/film/politics to see what horny toads human beings have always been!

[cheval]

It’s been a thing in culture forever. Pompeii exhibit at British Museum was a phallic adventure! Personally, now happy with a cuddle rather than full-on these days. But I’m post menopause. Reckon we are all in thrall to our hormones and instincts to procreate. And then we can relax!

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Dolphins have sex for pleasure.
A college of mine took her kids to Chester Zoo and let's just say one of the monkeys was getting rather friendly with himself.

[Sayyouwill]

@ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs I’m fairly certain bonobo chimps are the best example of animals who enjoy sex and sexual activities for pleasure. Females will very casually rub clits with other females for no reason other than pleasure.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Humans are the only creatures who have sex other than to procreate

Since when? Sorry but please brush up on your Zoology, you’re very wrong.

[ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs]

www.bbc.com/future/story/20140613-do-animals-have-sex-for-fun

No, humans aren't the only animals have sex other than for procreation but it's often falsely claimed.

[manicmij]

Humans are the only creatures who have sex other than to procreate. What does that say about us, we have become obsessed with self gratification. It is tragic sex has become the norm as an advertising marketing tool. Just need to look at how pop stars dress especially females. Can't figure out why females wear so little to perform music whilst blokes still conform to trousers and tops. Without the sex element in female groups would they be so popular. As for individuals views on sex each to their own.

[toffee1000]

Sex may be important in a relationship but it shouldn’t be the only thing. My friend at university had a boyfriend, but they didn’t actually do anything together except have sex. I don’t really know if it was a FWB situation as they weren’t even friends beforehand. He eventually cheated on her and she was devastated.
And I do think that if the sex isn’t amazing the first time you have it, that doesn’t mean you should break up immediately. I think the expectation that sex will be amazing straight away is dangerous, actually - you’re not going to be perfect the first time you do something. (Not talking about virgins here, I mean the first time you do it with someone else). You need to communicate and work out what is good for both of you and what will make both of you happy. If it continues to be bad THEN break up.

[PARunnerGirl]

I haven’t read all replies and so maybe the OP has covered or explained this already, but the saddest thing about the original post is the way sex is seen by the OP as an individual pleasure

My partner and I find a deep, meaningful and, i would go so far as to say, transcendental/ spiritual connection during sex. It brings the kind of experiences that you don’t get in any other part of life. Along with meaningful time spent with friends and family, good food/ wine and being outdoors in nature, I consider to be sex (with the right person!) as one of the most pleasurable things in life.

[ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs]

www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/bristol-man-masturbated-front-women-482910

Here's an example

[valuerangeweetabixandmilk]

Thats disgusting.

[ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs]

mustbemad - I don't think that's true. I know of a few cases where someone is on the SO register for masturbating under their clothes in public.

In one case the probation conditions are that he doesn't wear jogging bottoms in public as had been caught several times touching himself through a hole made in the pocket.

[valuerangeweetabixandmilk]

Flashing isnt sex though is it? Its the getting off on people feeling uncomfortable which is the driving force

[mustbemad17]

No but had he exposed himself on the bus & it had been reported adter the fact it would have been dealt with much differently.

Perhaps legal is the wrong word; less bothered about is probably a better phrase. I know someone who was put on the SO register for exposing himself in public to young girls; just seems that if you don't actually wang it out you aren't viewed to be doing much harm

[Gwenhwyfar]

Mustbe - yes, but if a police officer had been there at the time he would at least have been told to stop. Police not prioritising something doesn't really make it legal.

[mustbemad17]

Gwen i did complain re the bus incident, even took a sneaky pic of the bloke (face only!!). Got told they'd log it but that was it. So i assumed from that it isn't really something deemed high priority. Had he whacked it out i'm positive the reaction would have been different!

[User452734838]

Someone had a wank on a bus on that's legal?

[Gwenhwyfar]

Mustbemad, I'm really not sure that's legal. I think you could complain to the police even if not exposing themselves. It's still indecent behaviour isn't it? If a couple had sex in public fully clothed apart from the obvious, it would still be indecent.

[mustbemad17]

I dunno, I've clocked people giving themselves a seeing to on the bus, in the cinema 😱 Not exposing themselves to anyone so not breaking any rules