to think we make sex out to be more important than it is

[purpleangel17]

Sex seems to be the centre of the universe these days. It is used to sell things all the time. People want to be sexually attractive. It is assumed sex is an essential part of any relationship. People talk as if they have a 'right' to sex, to frequent, 'good' sex, however you define that. Maybe men feel the 'entitlement' more but I think women feel it too.

Does anyone else find it a bit sad? It just feels the world is so focused on individual pleasure these days.

It's only in last 50 years that women have really been allowed to enjoy it, too.

I disagree, it’s biologically untrue for one (we didn’t just suddenly evolve a clitoris in the 60’s!). Lest we forget, making a woman climax was a way to ‘cure her hysteria’ only a hundred years back.

I don’t think women ever asked permission to orgasm, it’s just become socially acceptable to say ‘women can enjoy sex as much as men’.

Sounds like you haven’t had good sex ;)

Aye, but I'm doubting that said hysterical woman had any say in whether she had her clitoris stimulated, Edmund. Being brought to a physical orgasm doesn't necessarily constitute enjoyable sex.

Yes I agree with you OP. I enjoy sex when I'm having it but I also dislike how it is used to sell and how kids are exposed to it from a young age. I'm not saying we should never mention it but it feels like the pendulum has swung too far the other way right now. I'm guessing it will change again at some point. It is, after all, only sex.

Sex seems to be the centre of the Universe these days
Nope it always has been or else we wouldn't be here

Well, it IS a big deal. At least it is to my and my DH.

I don't like sex being used to sell, or make people feel crap about themselves, but I couldn't do without it. Lots of it.

It's a big part of a normal, healthy relationship. I love it at the time, and I feel closer to DH afterwards.

PickAChew I wasn’t condoning the act at all, merely pointing out that femal sexuality has been recognised as a ‘thing’ a lot longer than the last 50 years. Only have to look at ancient civilisations and deities to know it was recognition equally between men and women. It’s more conservative religions of late that tried to make out women are only baby-making vessels and have no sexuality, therefore having an influence on society as a whole.

I do enjoy sex and am v attracted to my DH but I have to be properly in the mood for it and that only happens a couple of times a month now.

If DH is unhappy with that, he hasn't said.

I also give myself better orgasms than any man ever could or ever has

Celebacy is OK if it's what you want but lack of sex can kill a relationship.

I get where you’re coming from, OP. Not all of us get all excited about the idea of sex. But I wish I wasn’t like that; I suffer from complex PTSD as a result of childhood SA and sex is completely triggering so it’s something I can’t face, therefore I avoid it. Thankfully, my DH has been really understanding about it.

And I also don’t like the way advertising is so focused on sex, but for obvious reasons it sells.

I don't think society's focus on sex is sad, although at times I find it a little bemusing.

I disagree with a lot of comments about it being a need, although again maybe for some people it does feel like a need.

It's not a primal urge for everyone, and for some people it's not an urge at all and that is a normal thing/just a human variation.

I do find it sad that people suggest that those who don't care about sex just need good sex, although I'd hope it's a little tongue-in-cheek.

I also wish that advertising wasn't quite so sex focused, it seems like lazy marketing at this point

I would argue that if you were not socially conditioned to see sex as essential, you would accept that me not being as bothered about sex is as valid a viewpoint as thinking it is all important.

You not being bothered is a valid viewpoint, but you thinking it is social conditioning that makes people see it as essential make me think that you are simply built differently from most of the rest of us.

Food isn't an ideal analogy for sex, but if I said that hunger was a figment of your imagination, and that it was social conditioning that made you want to eat, would you think I have an arguable case? Or would you think there's something unusual about me that gives me somewhat eccentric beliefs about food?

(I said food was a bad analogy. I'm sure a significant minority of people feel as you do about sex, anyone who didn't experience hunger when they failed to eat would be far more exceptional.)

I don't understand your point OP.
I thought I did, but now it's all becoming so confusing.
All I can see is that you only think sex is valid if in a long term relationship, and any other kind is wrong wrong wrong.
But what if you sleep with someone, after having spent time getting to know them, and the sex is awful, and your partner is selfish, or hurts you. You then end things. So that becomes a short term relationship in which you had unsatisfactory sex.

Has that never happened to you OP?

Music is a better analogy than food: human beings don't need music in the way we need air/clean water/food/shelter but, for many people, a life without music would be pretty miserable.

Also, let's not forget that WRT women's sexual pleasure, there used to be this belief that it was wrong to feel pleasure from clitoral simulation: to the extent that young women in Victorian Britian had their clits removed to stop them behaving in an unnatural, immoral way (this is also the root motivation for FGM - to destroy any possibility of female sexual pleasure). That stuff about vibrators as a cure for hysteria is, I'm afraid, a bit of an urban myth,

The importance of sex is different to everyone. I personally think it’s the keystone to a relationship others disagree. At the end of the day it’s very important to the continuity of the species (well until v recently). I get depressed when it’s absent so yes to me it’s as vital as food water and sleep

Sex isn’t really as important as food or water, though, is it? Without those things you would actually die; nobody actually dies when they don’t have sex. So music is a much better comparison.

But what is the difference between saying "I want a partner who's ready for sex quickly" and "I want a partner who's ready to wait for sex"? Just turning it over in my head. Aren't both of these reasonable preferences?

The point is they are different preferences and therefore they aren't suitable for each other. I really don't know why that's so difficult to understand Raven?

Sex isn’t really as important as food or water, though, is it? Without those things you would actually die; nobody actually dies when they don’t have sex. So music is a much better comparison

I don’t know Mittens I could probably live without sex but I defiantly could not live without music!

Yes OP I totally agree. I can think of 1000 other things I find far more important.
I don't know why people can't just do it in private without it being all over everything.

I agree, StickThatInYourPipe, especially when stuck in traffic lol!!

I think the only sad part is if you're trying to imagine human beings to be transcendent, civilised and unique and have trouble reconciling that with our animalistic obsession with rubbing our genitals together! Accept we're just clever monkeys and it's not a problem.

😂😂 at clever monkeys 😂😂

Oh I do think it's a bit sad that some people can't see the difference between a romantic long-term relationship without sex and a friendship, that does suggest that there's other forms of intimacy lacking. Or maybe everyone is just super intimate with their friends :)

I find it overrated to be honest.