to think we make sex out to be more important than it is

[purpleangel17]

Sex seems to be the centre of the universe these days. It is used to sell things all the time. People want to be sexually attractive. It is assumed sex is an essential part of any relationship. People talk as if they have a 'right' to sex, to frequent, 'good' sex, however you define that. Maybe men feel the 'entitlement' more but I think women feel it too.

Does anyone else find it a bit sad? It just feels the world is so focused on individual pleasure these days.

[mustbemad17]

I think providing teenagers with condoms is bloody sensible! Not having condoms isn't exactly going to make them go 'ah shit we can't, no condoms mean the grown ups don't want us to' 🙄 We were all given condoms as 16. Difference being we all had a very good relationship with my mum & could talk to her about it; the way my folks saw it was you're going to do it, so at least do it safely. Think how many more teen pregnancies we would have if we refused condoms to teenagers 😱

[Gwenhwyfar]

"What I'm saying is that consenting people have a right to seek - ask for, desire, experience, not feel ashamed about, however you want to frame it - the sexual experiences that fulfil them and their partner(s) (if relevant). "

That's fine, but that's not what you said.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I believe I have an absolute right to have sex with whom I wish."

You obviously don't because as you mentioned yourself in the same comment the other person also has to wish for it. Also, you have to keep within the law, so no minors or close relatives. It's not an absolute right.

[PlausibleSuit]

That's fine, but that's not what you said.

Then I was indeed not sufficiently clear, initially. Sorry.

[mustbemad17]

The only time a person has absolute right to sex is if it's with themself. Can't guarantee it, but i'm pretty sure your hand isn't going to argue with your brain over giving yourself a quickie, so no issue!

[Mamabear4180]

Having only ever had one sexual partner doesn't automatically make you a better person than someone who has had hundreds of different sexual partners. It doesn't even make you a happier or healthier person.

It might actually make you healthier. You would have increased risk of STD's with 'hundreds' of sexual partners for a start. Then emotional health is a factor.

[JacquesHammer]

You would have increased risk of STD's with 'hundreds' of sexual partners for a start

Absolutely which is why it is vital to practice safe sex.

Then emotional health is a factor

There isn't an absolute that having a larger number of sexual partners impacts on emotional health.

[mustbemad17]

Only having one sexual partner doesn't necessarily mean your risk of STDs is less. Your one sexual partner could be screwing loads of other people behind your back, so it doesn't automatically mean less risk

[Mamabear4180]

Mustbemad that's crazy. The chances are one. Hundreds are hundreds! Of course it means less risk!

[Mamabear4180]

There isn't an absolute that having a larger number of sexual partners impacts on emotional health.

Nothing is absolute but as a concept I'd say it's pretty likely.

[mustbemad17]

Mamabear you clearly never met some of the people I have 😂

When you have one sexual partner you tend to (not always of course) be less worried about using a condom. So your 'one' sexual partner goes & sleeps with someone behind your back - or a few depending on the partner - who in turn have done the same thing. Still a fairly big risk!

Not sure about anyone else but when I was doing the whole one night stand I always made sure we used a condom. Obviously not 100%, but much less risk than without. So me versus my hypothetical partner above? Less risk on my part!

[Mittens1969]

Another Christian here though I held this view on sex before I returned to Christianity. I agree there certainly can be double standards in a church though and people don't always practise what they preach. That's why I think a personal relationship with God is so key.

I absolutely agree, OP, because that way we also learn to value ourselves. Churches have always focused too much on rules and regulations.

[purpleangel17]

Mittens, my current church's vicar introduced me to the idea of the Holy Spirit 'convicting' us if we pray and are open to it. I don't think anything has ever made more sense to me in all my life! Still working through a lot of ideas but when you feel the conviction it is so peaceful!

[Gwenhwyfar]

"The only time a person has absolute right to sex is if it's with themself. Can't guarantee it, but i'm pretty sure your hand isn't going to argue with your brain over giving yourself a quickie, so no issue!"

Still not absolute. You'd have to be able to find a private place.

[mustbemad17]

I dunno, I've clocked people giving themselves a seeing to on the bus, in the cinema 😱 Not exposing themselves to anyone so not breaking any rules

[Gwenhwyfar]

Mustbemad, I'm really not sure that's legal. I think you could complain to the police even if not exposing themselves. It's still indecent behaviour isn't it? If a couple had sex in public fully clothed apart from the obvious, it would still be indecent.

[User452734838]

Someone had a wank on a bus on that's legal?

[mustbemad17]

Gwen i did complain re the bus incident, even took a sneaky pic of the bloke (face only!!). Got told they'd log it but that was it. So i assumed from that it isn't really something deemed high priority. Had he whacked it out i'm positive the reaction would have been different!

[Gwenhwyfar]

Mustbe - yes, but if a police officer had been there at the time he would at least have been told to stop. Police not prioritising something doesn't really make it legal.

[mustbemad17]

No but had he exposed himself on the bus & it had been reported adter the fact it would have been dealt with much differently.

Perhaps legal is the wrong word; less bothered about is probably a better phrase. I know someone who was put on the SO register for exposing himself in public to young girls; just seems that if you don't actually wang it out you aren't viewed to be doing much harm

[valuerangeweetabixandmilk]

Flashing isnt sex though is it? Its the getting off on people feeling uncomfortable which is the driving force

[ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs]

mustbemad - I don't think that's true. I know of a few cases where someone is on the SO register for masturbating under their clothes in public.

In one case the probation conditions are that he doesn't wear jogging bottoms in public as had been caught several times touching himself through a hole made in the pocket.

[valuerangeweetabixandmilk]

Thats disgusting.

[ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs]

www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/bristol-man-masturbated-front-women-482910

Here's an example

[PARunnerGirl]

I haven’t read all replies and so maybe the OP has covered or explained this already, but the saddest thing about the original post is the way sex is seen by the OP as an individual pleasure

My partner and I find a deep, meaningful and, i would go so far as to say, transcendental/ spiritual connection during sex. It brings the kind of experiences that you don’t get in any other part of life. Along with meaningful time spent with friends and family, good food/ wine and being outdoors in nature, I consider to be sex (with the right person!) as one of the most pleasurable things in life.