to think we make sex out to be more important than it is

[purpleangel17]

Sex seems to be the centre of the universe these days. It is used to sell things all the time. People want to be sexually attractive. It is assumed sex is an essential part of any relationship. People talk as if they have a 'right' to sex, to frequent, 'good' sex, however you define that. Maybe men feel the 'entitlement' more but I think women feel it too.

Does anyone else find it a bit sad? It just feels the world is so focused on individual pleasure these days.

[Pinkvoid]

I probably would have agreed with you a few years ago when I was I unhappily married and had a hugely suppressed sex drive. But as soon as we split I definitely found my sex drive for the first time and felt absolutely empowered by it. Now I have a DP with an equal sex drive, it’s definitely important to us. We’ve both said if we’re not ill and go a week or two without sex ‘just because’, the relationship is probably doomed.

[StickThatInYourPipe]

Sorry that was in response to I don't think a sex-for-pleasure focused society is a very healthy one

[EdmundCleverClogs]

most sex is aimed at pleasure not reproduction.

What’s wrong with that? It’s like saying ‘oh most people ride a bike for fun, not to get from A to B’. As long as no one is harmed doing so, what does it matter why it’s done?

[PoorYorick]

Oh my fucking autocorrect! Pods! Grow babies in pods! Pods! PODS!!!!

And I guess that tells you a lot about my texting history!

[StickThatInYourPipe]

PoorYorick

Haha growing babies in piss did make me smile

[PoorYorick]

I'm weeping a little. I'm not THAT bad a mother, honest....

[lilly0]

Op do you solo ? Because I couldn't imagine never having orgasms again. Fair enough not wanting to have sex with another person but to never feel any urges wow. I like intimacy I like being held kissed it isn't just the sex part for me .

[purpleangel17]

I am not disputing sex is important or pleasurable. For me personally it should be as part of a committed, loving relationship that was loving and committed before sex was brought into the equation. I am celibate for now because I am not in one not because I think sex is wrong or bad! And that is my opinion and others have different opinions.

But as a society we have moved away from eat to nourish and have sex to reproduce to everything for pleasure, it seems to me. And pleasure and sex are important but not the most important things. To me. But it appears I am in the minority!

[JaneJeffer]

Until we can grow babies in piss, it actually kind of is.
Wouldn't that be brilliant

[purpleangel17]

Lilly occasionally but it's not a strong drive. Other stuff in my life is more important/fulfilling to me.

[StickThatInYourPipe]

Do you mean sex should only happen after marriage OP?

Women have been beaten with their sexuality since the beginning of time, if a woman enjoys it she is a slag or a skank. I think it’s great to live in a time where this attitude is fading and the sexuality of women is starting to be celebrated and it is not deemed ‘wrong’ to enjoy a healthy sex life

[ClaryFray]

It's the centre of some people's universe. However, there doing no one else any harm.

I personally think there are more harmful things in the world.

[Snap8TheCat]

Well actually no one has criticised you for being celibate (no one knew until you started this thread) and yet you’re criticising others...

Can give it but can’t take it ?!

[Shoxfordian]

I'm more hedonistic than you OP

Also regular orgasms are good for your health

[ComtesseDeSpair]

I think you just have to bear in mind that everyone's different. I really like sex, with different partners. Couldn't give a monkey's about a relationship. I have friends to do the love and support and emotional bonding and entertainment stuff, and I bloody love living alone.

In terms of what we're told as a society, my feeling is that it's the opposite. Yes, sex and sexuality is used to sell things, but there's still enormous social conditioning towards and promotion of the ideal of settled, loving, monogamous coupledom and the perfect family.

[Mrskeats]

The amount of threads on here about the unhappiness caused by sexless marriages is what I find sad.
Totally agree with everything stick said too.
Sex is important in a relationship as it creates a bond that you don't have with other people. Otherwise you are friends/companions which is different.

[purpleangel17]

I am criticising focusing on pleasure above anything else. No one here has said they do that therefore I am not criticising anyone here.

No I don't mean before marriage but in a committed monogamous relationship that is loving and healthy. But that is just for me, not a standard I hold others to.

You say we have sexual freedom - do we? The whole #metoo campaign suggests we don't.

[PoorYorick]

Sex IS for pleasure. We have it to reproduce and for recreation and bonding. Is there something wrong with a post menopause woman or infertile person having sex? Or same sex couples?

You can choose not to have sex as you wish, your business. But though you deny it, you do seem to be implying that on some level, you think it's wrong to enjoy sex.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Well we all want to be desired.
I'm not going to pretend I don't want men to find me irresistible.

[MsHarry]

Sex is a very important part of our marriage of 21 years. It's sometimes once or twice a month, sometimes twice a week. Sometimes it's quick and sometimes we have more time and privacy(teens in the house) but it's always really good. I would be devastated if I didn't feel like that anymore and am genuinely anxious about the menopause as I'm mid 40s and really don't want to lose what we have. It's natural and healthy between 2 consenting adults, not sad at all.

[olliegarchy99]

I do not understand how anybody's inclination as regards sex defines them as a person.
Gay people are defined by who they have sex with
Surely there are other aspects of them as a human being that contribute to their whole being

[purpleangel17]

I don't think it is wrong at all unless it's the most important thing in your life and even then I don't think it is wrong but I do think it is sad.

[Mrskeats]

Who is focussing on pleasure above all else though? I don't know anyone in that category. Most people have jobs/lives/kids/responsibilities.
You make it sound as though we are all living in a Fifty Shades world.

[juddyrockingcloggs]

I am criticising focusing on pleasure above anything else.

What do you want to focus on?

[StickThatInYourPipe]

I don’t know what the #metoo campaign is as I don’t live on Twitter.

Well I feel I have a sexual freedom, as a woman I could chose to sleep with just one man for ever, have multiple partners or not to have sex at all.

I am in a loving relationship now but I have had the years of being single and having a bit of fun. Do you know what - no one gave a fuck about either of these choices as they were my choices to make (and obviously the men I was with at the time)