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Original poster

to think we make sex out to be more important than it is

289 replies

purpleangel17 · 17/11/2017 13:05

Sex seems to be the centre of the universe these days. It is used to sell things all the time. People want to be sexually attractive. It is assumed sex is an essential part of any relationship. People talk as if they have a 'right' to sex, to frequent, 'good' sex, however you define that. Maybe men feel the 'entitlement' more but I think women feel it too.

Does anyone else find it a bit sad? It just feels the world is so focused on individual pleasure these days.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 17/11/2017 15:11

If I say 'IMO sex should never be a casual thing' that is my opinion which I'm entitled to

You are only entitled to that opinion for yourself. You are NOT entitled to suggest to anyone else sex shouldn't be a casual thing

WorldWideWanderer · 17/11/2017 15:13

I actually agree with you OP, I do think we make sex out to be more important than it is. You will have a hard time to discuss that on here though....and the amount of people who will call you frigid or you "haven't met the right person" will be numerous.

I think sex is more or less important at different stages of our lives. I've had really good sex, poor sex and no sex at all.....these days I am very much happier than I ever was, and I don't have sex at all. It feels to me as though I have reached a stage where sex isn't important any more and there are much more interesting/exciting and important things to be concerning myself with, or doing.

I do think sex has become overrated and used to sell stuff as well as making everyone feel as though they're somehow losing out if they aren't having brilliant sex on a regular basis. I can understand why you might feel sad to think that this is what society uses as part of a measure of value......

Mamabear4180 · 17/11/2017 15:15

You are only entitled to that opinion for yourself. You are NOT entitled to suggest to anyone else sex shouldn't be a casual thing

That's a very repressed point of view.

Original poster
purpleangel17 · 17/11/2017 15:15

Argh. I am not saying it is wrong. Or that it isn't important. Just that I think as a society we elevate it to a greater importance than it has.

And fwiw I make it very clear when dating I am looking for a long term relationship but starting slow and when sex is mentioned I state my position.

I have a date tonight in fact so I had better go get the kids from school so I can get ready. I didn't expect the thread to take off this much!

OP posts:
StickThatInYourPipe · 17/11/2017 15:15

I am not equating it at all. Nowhere have I said having mutually consensual sex for pleasure is wrong

If this whole thread was not about mutually consensual sex for pleasure being wrong, you being celibate would have nothing to do with it.

You started this thread saying it is sad that people hold sex as an important part of life. Then you made a point of saying that people don’t only have sex for reproduction but also for pleasure and stated that you thought sex for pleasure was not healthy attitude.

No one agreed with you and asked for examples of people putting sex above kindness/ family / friends. So you then went down the affairs / sexual harrassment / porn addiction route.

This is equating the two.

And people are judging me for being celibate by implying I 'just haven't met the right man'

Well I don’t think you are meeting the right men if they are calling you fridged! Regardless of your sexual preferences or lack there of!

MsHarry · 17/11/2017 15:16

Hope the date goes well op.

ravenmum · 17/11/2017 15:17

If I met someone I was attracted to I would want to let the relationship develop through getting to know them, spending time with them and non-sexual intimacy before thinking about having sex. I fully accept most men wouldn't wait as long as I would want to but that just means they aren't the one for me.
Quite interesting, as to me this sounds like someone prioritising sex ... making it the most important criteria for choosing a partner - if he wants sex quickly then he can't be my partner, whatever other attributes he has.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/11/2017 15:17

I think our society's obsession with sex is sad, and also destructive. We are bombarded with sexual images and naked bodies (particularly those of women) and yet while a naked breast is acceptable as part of an advertising campaign, or "Page 3", there are still many places where that same breast would not be acceptable if it was being used as nature intended it - to feed a baby.

I think our children become sexually aware earlier than is often healthy (and being children, are curious to try things) and that is very sad, and also the easy availability of pornography leads many young boys to develop not only a prurient obsession with sex, but also a contempt for women and girls.

It also outs a lot of pressure on girls and women to have sexual relationships when they may not want to - teenagers in particular are very easily pressured by their peers to join in. If women want to have sex, then fine (though to me it should be part of a mutually respectful and loving relationship), but some just follow the trend because they feel they must.

It also leads to an obsession with body image and having the "perfect" body (for children of both sexes) at an age when young people are self-conscious and self-doubting anyway.

Sex IS important - that can't be denied. However, it is not the be-all and end-all of life prof a relationship.

JacquesHammer · 17/11/2017 15:17

That's a very repressed point of view

Do explain. I am repressed because I live my life ONLY judging what I do? I have rules as how I believe a life should be lived. But they're only pertinent to me. Doesn't mean I am arrogant enough to extrapolate that out into believing how the wider population should conduct their sexual lives providing it is legal and consensual.

Original poster
purpleangel17 · 17/11/2017 15:23

I disagree I was equating them. Maybe I didn't express myself very well.

Anyway, onwards with the day. And I agree I haven't met the right man yet but my views won't change when I do! The right man for me will respect when I am ready.

OP posts:
Mamabear4180 · 17/11/2017 15:23

Jacques you believe your opinions should only be about yourself. I have opinions on anything and everything. I haven't expressed them in a rude way so there's no problem as far as I can see.

BrioAmio · 17/11/2017 15:25

It’s the most important event to ever happen in your life, you wouldn’t be here without it.

JacquesHammer · 17/11/2017 15:25

I have opinions on anything and everything

Which you use to feel morally superior Grin

Mamabear4180 · 17/11/2017 15:25

Raven I think the point was if a man wasn't willing to wait then he wasn't the man for her.

ravenmum · 17/11/2017 15:27

Mamabear - exactly, so sex is the most important thing.

Queeniebed · 17/11/2017 15:27

Just that I think as a society we elevate it to a greater importance than it has.

Do we as a society? yes sex is used a lot in advertising but that is more of a problem for you being drawn in by marketing then society as a whole

EdmundCleverClogs · 17/11/2017 15:28

The right man for me will respect when I am ready.

Oh course he will. Though if that takes months, years or you’re never again ‘ready’, you shouldn’t put him down as another one of ‘those guys’ if he says he can’t be in a sexless relationship.

Mamabear4180 · 17/11/2017 15:29

No Raven being on the same page as each other and him respecting her need to wait is how I saw it. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't respect how I felt either.

lovemylover · 17/11/2017 15:31

I think sex is wonderful, rediscovered it at 70 when I met my now partner,we have a very active sex life,dont live together, but when we are together,its fantastic
His ex wasn't too keen, so he was celibate for a long time ,as was I
Cant believe I would ever be in a relationship like this again
I find it hard to believe,[unless there is a good reason like abuse etc] that people don't like it

ravenmum · 17/11/2017 15:35

But what is the difference between saying "I want a partner who's ready for sex quickly" and "I want a partner who's ready to wait for sex"? Just turning it over in my head. Aren't both of these reasonable preferences?

I realise that you are more likely to be snubbed for wanting to wait, but isn't that just school-playground nonsense? Someone who cries "frigid" is surely just a boring, childish tit that anyone would be happy to avoid, however soon they want sex?

JacquesHammer · 17/11/2017 15:41

But what is the difference between saying "I want a partner who's ready for sex quickly" and "I want a partner who's ready to wait for sex"? Just turning it over in my head. Aren't both of these reasonable preferences?

Absolutely. I don't think either of these view points are wrong. It becomes difficult when they're incompatible but neither stance is more valid than the other and it would be perfectly ok for either party to say "actually this isn't going to work for me"

PickAChew · 17/11/2017 15:42

I think sex has always been for pleasure, for men. It's only in last 50 years that women have really been allowed to enjoy it, too.

MsHarry · 17/11/2017 15:42

lovemylover How fantastic!

ScribblesX · 17/11/2017 15:44

I see where you're coming from OP, but perhaps for a different reason.

I think the commodification of sex and the emphasis on sex as an act done TO you or someone, rather than WITH another person can be detrimental in viewing sex as an act as healthy and natural as sleeping or eating.

battenbergbutterfly · 17/11/2017 15:48

Sex is the best fun ever. I love it. It sells because a lot of people love it.